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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 07/04/2023 23:02

Maybe the mother was worried your child might latch in to them and become an itritation.

Pottedpalm · 07/04/2023 23:03
  • irritation
IShouldGoToSleep · 07/04/2023 23:03

I wouldn't worry about it! I have sometimes had to be pretty blunt with kids that are annoying me or my DS. Not sure I've said to them my DS didn't want to be friends, but could.imagine myself saying something like it if a child kept pestering them, and they kept not getting the hint. However, in this case, maybe there's a little miscommunication or misunderstanding...

Temporaryname158 · 07/04/2023 23:04

I find anyone who lets their child hang around my kids and table, uninvited, annoying. Why didn’t you go over and check they were happy for him to do that.

I think this is an important lesson for your child that not everyone wants his company as hard as that is for a child.

When I go away it’s to spend time with my children and they like to play together but not with others they don’t know. I wouldn’t have been rude to a child but also wouldn’t have appreciated them hanging around

BeardieWeirdie · 07/04/2023 23:05

YABU for letting your child sit down with another family you don’t know. It pisses me no end when the mother of a child from school pays no heed to him interrupting our rare meal out at the pub.

BananasinPyhamas · 07/04/2023 23:05

Temporaryname158 · 07/04/2023 23:04

I find anyone who lets their child hang around my kids and table, uninvited, annoying. Why didn’t you go over and check they were happy for him to do that.

I think this is an important lesson for your child that not everyone wants his company as hard as that is for a child.

When I go away it’s to spend time with my children and they like to play together but not with others they don’t know. I wouldn’t have been rude to a child but also wouldn’t have appreciated them hanging around

This.

Original poster
StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:10

Temporaryname158 · 07/04/2023 23:04

I find anyone who lets their child hang around my kids and table, uninvited, annoying. Why didn’t you go over and check they were happy for him to do that.

I think this is an important lesson for your child that not everyone wants his company as hard as that is for a child.

When I go away it’s to spend time with my children and they like to play together but not with others they don’t know. I wouldn’t have been rude to a child but also wouldn’t have appreciated them hanging around

Fair point - there was a singer which made it awkward to get up and speak but agree this would be helpful and we should have. He didn’t ever sit down with them but inbetween running around he kept going back to stand by their table

OP posts:
GooglyEyeballs · 07/04/2023 23:12

In all honesty i think it's rude when parents let their children approach other people's tables.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/04/2023 23:14

GooglyEyeballs · 07/04/2023 23:12

In all honesty i think it's rude when parents let their children approach other people's tables.

God, yes.

Sparklybutold · 08/04/2023 00:00

Personally I find it really annoying when some other kid comes hanging around and you inadvertently become parent by proxy. This happens a lot at my local soft play - I'm there with my kid and before I know it I have inherited some other kids who all want me to play with them. I tend to firmly say no and get them to ask whoever they've come with.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:04

We don't know who is BU because we don't know what the other parent actually said.

sandgrown · 08/04/2023 00:06

There are some mean people on here . When we go away my grandsons like to
play football. We always end up with another child/ children watching from the sidelines and we ask them to join in or they ask us . We have had some great multinational teams while abroad. Language has never been a barrier .

Sherrystrull · 08/04/2023 00:09

When you say your child was 'chattering away' at their table, was it a conversation or just your child talking to them?

Original poster
StarryBarry · 08/04/2023 00:12

Sherrystrull · 08/04/2023 00:09

When you say your child was 'chattering away' at their table, was it a conversation or just your child talking to them?

The other child was talking back as was the mum. He is such a talker though he’d talk at them endlessly with little encouragement

I think the other replies have helped clarify we shouldn’t have let him hang around with them. It’s the first time we’ve let him have that freedom and perhaps being away relaxed our boundaries.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 08/04/2023 00:14

I recall trying something on in a shop and a child's head kept poking under rhe cubicle. I said nicely something along the lines of 'No, you mustn't come in here. Off you go'. He did it twice more and I then said to (presumably) mum 'can you watch your child please, he's being a bit of a nuisance '...which she ignored. When he did it again (and touched my ankle) I snapped 'Get out you naughty boy!'.....cue bawling and mum having a go at me for being so cruel to a little boy....No mum, you brought this on him!

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:17

I would never say something like that to a child, I'd never be that cruel. I'd always try for diplomacy/kindness.

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:18

Op your title is wrong because she wasn't a lady.

In our region someone being called a (real) lady or gentlemen means they're always kind and tactful.

Sherrystrull · 08/04/2023 00:23

The lady was rude. I'd have said something like
'It's been lovely talking to you but now it's time for you to go back to your family.'

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:53

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:18

Op your title is wrong because she wasn't a lady.

In our region someone being called a (real) lady or gentlemen means they're always kind and tactful.

She's a lucky woman then because by your definition, being a lady sounds awful.

Ahh OP, don't be too hard on yourself. Like you said, it's a lesson learned.

He's only little so there'll be plenty more learning curves in future too Flowers

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:55

Always kind and tactful sounds awful ...... Says a lot about you.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:56

But also OP do you think she really said "they don’t want to be your friend, go away", or do you think that might be just the way your DS interpreted it, being 5 years old and upset/possibly tired too?

I know when my eldest was 5, we quickly learned to check what whoever had upset him actually said, because the actual words were often different and he made them sound worse.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 01:00

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:55

Always kind and tactful sounds awful ...... Says a lot about you.

Well what it says about me, is that I believe being always kind and tactful means a person would never be true to themselves or others.

And would (particularly women) be most likely passed over for promotion professionally, and used as a doormat personally.

It's much better to be kind and tactful when a situation actually calls for it, whilst never being afraid not to be when it doesn't.

FangedFrisbee · 08/04/2023 01:01
  1. Do you even know that's what she said or are you taking a 5 yr olds word as law?
  1. Parent your child! Stop letting him go up and pester other people ffs
Motheranddaughtertotwo · 08/04/2023 01:04

YANBU for letting your child speak to another family on holiday. I find it crazy that people would honestly get annoyed about a five year old taking up ten minutes of their family time. When it happens to my family we all find it very sweet and usually engage in random chat, it’s on holiday, not when someone is rushing to get to work.

snitzelvoncrumb · 08/04/2023 01:05

It’s tricky as children don’t always tell it exactly how it was. Maybe she was awful and just said go away. But she may have asked him 20 times nicely to go back to his own table, gave up and tried a more direct approach. Maybe she really just wanted to watch the show.