Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 08/04/2023 07:51

sandgrown · 08/04/2023 00:06

There are some mean people on here . When we go away my grandsons like to
play football. We always end up with another child/ children watching from the sidelines and we ask them to join in or they ask us . We have had some great multinational teams while abroad. Language has never been a barrier .

I agree. Some people are so peculiar about interacting with anybody outside their own bubble.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 07:53

@KatherineJaneway

What harm is it doing though?

I genuinely don't get what the fuss is?

SoShallINever · 08/04/2023 07:53

I would run mile from kids on holiday after what happened in France to us.
Our DC became friendly with the kids in the tent next door, the next morning we found the "neighbours" kids sat outside our tent waiting for us to get up. Their parents had gone out for whole the day after telling them to shadow us.

It's annoying as hell to suddenly be loco parentis!
(We didn't look after them by the way, DH is a teacher and reported to the site manager who luckily had a record of the parents mobile).

Devoutspoken · 08/04/2023 07:54

She sounds very mean, you'd think on holiday she'd be more chilled, maybe she should try a private island next time where she doesn't have to mix with others

saraclara · 08/04/2023 07:54

Ten minutes is a long time to have someone else's child chattering on to you. And she might well have already suggested several times that he go back to you.
While I wouldn't have said what he claims she did, if have been irritated, and you really shouldn't have let him pester them..

Your child's ten minutes of chatter is only cute to you.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 07:54

@CaptainMyCaptain

Agreed. I'm a big believer in inclusion and kindness.

Roselilly36 · 08/04/2023 07:55

I can see why it upset you OP, but in your post you say the mum say they don’t want to be your friend, surprised that a mum would say that to your child, perhaps just how your child interpreted it. I take it they had two or more children? Tbh my two DS’ weren’t interested in making friends on holiday either, they are so close in age and best friends, they were happy to just play together. Not the case will all siblings I know! I hope your child finds a friend to play with on holiday.

thelinkisdead · 08/04/2023 07:57

A few things I’ve observed as my children have got older:

Only children become harder as they age: they need entertaining and including whereas siblings generally crack on together.

Only children are generally more used to adult conversation. As a parent of two boys who generally play together, I find it irritating to suddenly have a child who wants to insert themselves into my conversation; my two rarely do it as they’d rather talk to other kids or each other, but only children I’ve seen do it regularly.

My two are great friends but I’ve known another child to latch onto them and it always excludes one of mine. Suddenly I go from not parenting to having to entertain a kid. We find it happens A LOT out - sometimes mine will play with them and sometimes not. I tend to leave it to them to sort out though - but then mine are older.

TimeForMeToF1y · 08/04/2023 07:58

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 07:53

@KatherineJaneway

What harm is it doing though?

I genuinely don't get what the fuss is?

Are you sayjng that you don't understand that people are different to you ?

Some people don't want other children joining in on their famly holiday, its a very simple concept of their preference

Harm doesn't come into it, they just dont line or want it. There must be thinga that you don't like that others do

pilates · 08/04/2023 08:00

If the woman actually said those words then she wasn’t very nice.

Devoutspoken · 08/04/2023 08:00

It's not about other wanting the kid around, it's about how she did it

GoodChat · 08/04/2023 08:01

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 07:53

@KatherineJaneway

What harm is it doing though?

I genuinely don't get what the fuss is?

Well if you're on holiday generally you want to relax and unwind, not have to supervise and cater for a strangers child while they get to relax and unwind.

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/04/2023 08:01

SoShallINever · 08/04/2023 07:53

I would run mile from kids on holiday after what happened in France to us.
Our DC became friendly with the kids in the tent next door, the next morning we found the "neighbours" kids sat outside our tent waiting for us to get up. Their parents had gone out for whole the day after telling them to shadow us.

It's annoying as hell to suddenly be loco parentis!
(We didn't look after them by the way, DH is a teacher and reported to the site manager who luckily had a record of the parents mobile).

That's a completely different situation.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 08:02

Lots of people are different to me.

Doesn't mean I have to agree with them.

I'm talking about a ten minute game of hide and seek or kicking a ball around the park. Not adopting them.

I'm a bit old now and this was never an issue when I was a kid.

Cotswoldmama · 08/04/2023 08:04

I think if she said those words then that's a bit mean and she could have said it in a nicer way but she may have already said it in a nicer way multiple times and got exasperated by it all.
I love it when random kids all make friends and play together but what I don't like is when I have to play or look after other people's children when they latch on to us. I would actively encourage playing with other children but I wouldn't allow them to bother the parents especially if they're sitting at a table as I myself would find it annoying.

Snowpatrolling · 08/04/2023 08:04

Had some woman tell me off for my kids not wanting to play with hers. Was our first holiday in years after a tough divorce and we just wanted family time. Fucking hate it when other kids latch off to mine on holiday. I tell them we dont want to play and go back to mum. My kids also say that to them. The tears and tantrums from kids and their parents because of it! I didn’t pay 2k to babysit your kids ffs. Nah don’t like it. Be more considerate.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 08:04

@GoodChat

Ah, so you're jealous of a few minutes of perceived child free time?

grayhairdontcare · 08/04/2023 08:05

Turn the situation around

AIBU to tell another child to leave us alone?
We are on a much needed holiday and our ds has been playing with another child while we watch the evening entertainment.
The problem is that this child just won't leave us alone now and is hanging around our table constantly.
His parents are just sitting a few tables away relaxing and have not asked us if he is ok to hang out with us.
AIBU to tell him to leave us alone so we can have some much needed family time ?

Flatandhappy · 08/04/2023 08:05

If that was her actual wording I think it was a bit unkind and unnecessary, but I have never had a problem in saying “you need to go back to your own parents sweetheart” (yes, I used to call all random kids whose names I didn’t know sweetheart which is probably a MN hanging offence) to kids who wanted to latch on if it didn’t suit.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 08:06

Snowpatrolling · 08/04/2023 08:04

Had some woman tell me off for my kids not wanting to play with hers. Was our first holiday in years after a tough divorce and we just wanted family time. Fucking hate it when other kids latch off to mine on holiday. I tell them we dont want to play and go back to mum. My kids also say that to them. The tears and tantrums from kids and their parents because of it! I didn’t pay 2k to babysit your kids ffs. Nah don’t like it. Be more considerate.

Do you tell your kids not to play with other kids?

Snowpatrolling · 08/04/2023 08:08

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 08:06

Do you tell your kids not to play with other kids?

Show quote history

Not at all, they are welcome if they want to, it on this holiday they didn’t want to, had told the kid several times they weren’t interested and the kid wasn’t listening.

I dont mind if they play with other kids. But they also don’t have to if they done want to. It’s their holiday!

GoodChat · 08/04/2023 08:09

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 08:04

@GoodChat

Ah, so you're jealous of a few minutes of perceived child free time?

No - I just don't think anyone should be responsible for a strangers child Confused

ThePoshUns · 08/04/2023 08:10

If that is what she said that was very unkind.
However when I've been on holiday with my children I want to spend time with them, not having to chat with someone else's ( random) child ( especially if they are a chatterbox), you should have called him back over to you.

Ponoka7 · 08/04/2023 08:11

"He is such a talker though he’d talk at them endlessly with little encouragement"

Then you should have went over and made sure that everything was ok. Sitting down watching the singer might have been her down time. Some children are happy to sit and don't want to be endlessly talked at. My eldest has ADHD and at times I had to tell her to leave people, including other children alone. You need to chat to him and explain that if you call him to you, he comes.

Slowsteps · 08/04/2023 08:12

I think it can be incredibly annoying for other families when a child comes and latches on to them, especially at a meal time. It does tend to be lone kids that do this- usually when you’re with your siblings you annoy your own family instead or play in a group of kids rather than going to talk to adults.

It’s totally not your 5 year old’s fault, he’s a little child, but I think you need to be mindful of how annoying someone else’s ‘chatterbox’ child can be for tired parents of other children.

I think probably are BU not to realise your kid was probably really annoying and that she was BU to be rude to him.