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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
Goodread1 · 08/04/2023 08:42

It could be just his age Op@StarryBarry
Like @MrsDoylesDoily

well said@Motheranddaughtertotwo

I am like you in that Regards too

It's nothing to get worked up about for a brief while your on holiday, for goodness sake..

Carolfarrell · 08/04/2023 08:43

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 08:37

You make it sound like they were watching Olivier doing Hamlet, not family entertainment at a resort.

Show quote history

😂I know, the whole point is that kids run around getting (yet another) Fanta. Agadoo can continue on

ClarificationNeeded · 08/04/2023 08:45

Yesterday I was watching my kids plus their play dates in a busy playground, another kid they vaguely knew was playing with them, no parent in sight which he was a bit young for (7) but all fine they're having fun.

But he kept coming and talking at me and getting me to watch him do things. Mate I didn't come here to socialise with you, I'm having my only mental break all day while they all run around.

Sounds like this mum felt similar. There are not many breaks during holidays, she didn't want to listen to your kids thoughts in hers.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 08:45

@QuertyGirl it doesn't matter 🤷‍♀️

She could see her child was bothering someone else and didn't even have the decency to follow him and check it was okay.

A child joining in with a communal game of football or tag is hardly the same as a child approaching another family who are minding their own business watching the show.

saraclara · 08/04/2023 08:45

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 08:35

Kids playing with other random kids was half the fun of holidays and trips to the park at one time. Vast packs of kids would form and the games began!

But this wasn't groups of children playing games together in the pool or on the grass.

This was a family trying to enjoy a show at a hotel and being interrupted by a random child who kept bothering them. OP even said she felt awkward getting up because of the singer, but seemed to think it was okay for her child to be up and bothering other people.

They're hardly the same scenario.

Yep, we used to camp in France every summer and my kids made friends from all over Europe. We barely saw them. Wonderful times.

But that's a very different scenario from sitting at a table in the evening trying to enjoy the entertainment, and a very chatty five year old dominating the evening, and not taking the hint when your own child has had enough, too.

Goodread1 · 08/04/2023 08:45

@CaptainMyCaptain

Sounds like quite mean too

Totally agree with your comment hence some of the posters attitudes 🙄 on here about Op threads@StarryBarry

Lamplit · 08/04/2023 08:46

125 posts and no further response from OP. No wonder as some very sanctimonious comments. Maybe her child wasn't the right kind of friend, who knows ?
Lets hope they are enjoying their holiday !

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/04/2023 08:46

Responses to this post do make me quite sad. We've always made friends on holidays, children have latched onto ours and vice versa. Especially when from different countries, it's an enriching experience to play with children from other cultures. Why go to other countries if you want to keep yourselves to yourselves? When did we become so insular?

If we've ever felt boundaries were being crossed we've always said if it's us or checked if it's the other family (my husband's country is known for being quite direct, so there's less of this verbal faffing about we Brits do).

That said, the important thing is to always check even if it's with a wave, thumbs up or come hither flap of the arm. People will usually indicate if it's a bother and it can be quickly resolved without cross feelings.

It does make me feel sad that people are so closed off. Yes you want to spend time with your family, but sometimes by connecting with others you connect with yourselves and your family too as it brings a fresh perspective and experiences to bond over.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 08:46

@Carolfarrell it doesn't matter what the entertainment was - the other family didn't want to be talked at by some random child.

It's rude to just let your kids wander over to another family while they're sitting down and doing something - if your child wants to play or talk, then the polite thing to do is ask!

GoodChat · 08/04/2023 08:48

@LiarLiarKnickersAblaze the responses are based on the lack of consideration from OP, to be fair, and examples of when people have experienced the same - so most people are actually just agreeing with you.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 08/04/2023 08:49

To be fair, there are times when I'm really happy to have random kids join in with us.... But you need to check, you can't assume. That's the issue

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 08/04/2023 08:52

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 08:46

@Carolfarrell it doesn't matter what the entertainment was - the other family didn't want to be talked at by some random child.

It's rude to just let your kids wander over to another family while they're sitting down and doing something - if your child wants to play or talk, then the polite thing to do is ask!

I agree. It's different during the day but in the evening, especially when a family is watching something, regardless of what it is, it's rude to allow your kid to disturb others.

padsi1975 · 08/04/2023 08:53

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 08/04/2023 01:04

YANBU for letting your child speak to another family on holiday. I find it crazy that people would honestly get annoyed about a five year old taking up ten minutes of their family time. When it happens to my family we all find it very sweet and usually engage in random chat, it’s on holiday, not when someone is rushing to get to work.

This. Does Mumsnet just attract the most miserable and anti social people alive? He's only 5! I read these threads and my impression of the UK being distinctly frosty, unfriendly and intolerant of children is reinforced. Intolerant of other people's children that is....everyone seems all about their own kids but entirely unforgiving of any other children. Op, jump off this thread now unless you're game for a load more 'parent your child' orders from snarky, miserable people who apparently are incapable of associating with other human beings, especially of thr child variety. Peace out, can't be dealing with such snark and misery on a lovely sunny day.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 08/04/2023 08:54

StarryBarry · 08/04/2023 00:12

The other child was talking back as was the mum. He is such a talker though he’d talk at them endlessly with little encouragement

I think the other replies have helped clarify we shouldn’t have let him hang around with them. It’s the first time we’ve let him have that freedom and perhaps being away relaxed our boundaries.

Show quote history

There is nothing wrong with letting kids mix and play. The problem in your scenario was that it was the wrong time and place. On the beach, by the pool, in a play area, it's generally fine. When people are trying to enjoy their meal or watch entertainment, not fine.

rainbowstardrops · 08/04/2023 08:55

Elnetthairnet · 08/04/2023 08:16

‘Well X is feeling quite tired and we want to watch the show so off you go back to your mum and dad now’

(keeps chatting and running about)

‘why don’t you pop back to your Mum and Dads table, we’re all quite tired, maybe we will see you tomorrow’

(keeps chatting)

’I think your mum and dad are calling for you - why don’t you go and see what they want?’

(keeps chatting)

’look, Y doesn’t want to play, go away’

(finally buggers off back to overindulgent parents who were happy for him to ruin our family evening)

Playing with random kids at the park, at the pool, at the playground fair enough, but you don’t let your kids run about and disrupt some other families evening out.

I imagine it was very much like this.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 08:58

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 08/04/2023 08:49

To be fair, there are times when I'm really happy to have random kids join in with us.... But you need to check, you can't assume. That's the issue

Exactly.

Nothing wrong with kids playing together on holiday, or families making friends with each other, but it's just basic manners to check it's okay before letting your child wander over and interrupt other people.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 08/04/2023 09:00

Its all part of your child learning about the world.
It has never occurred to him that his endless chatter isn't always welcome. Now he knows!

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 08/04/2023 09:02

Women should not have to be default child care for strangers' children.

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 09:06

It also reminds me of a time when I was holidaying with my parents and 2 children and this random 3 year old kid just came up to us on the beach and started playing with my son’s toys! Parents nowhere to be seen. When we eventually tracked them down they were laid sunbathing miles away. I mean this was a massive beach! The parents were well aware that he was with us and were smirking thinking it was funny that their child was bothering us while they could just lay there sunbathing. I brought their child back to them and told them I’m not their babysitter and to stop letting him come to us! It’s downright annoying and irresponsible of the parents.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 09:07

I've never been this offended by the mere presence of a five year old.

Abandoning your kids and soddin off out for lunch is entirely different.

Original poster
StarryBarry · 08/04/2023 09:10

Thanks for replies. I don’t want to stop him trying to make friends but we shall definitely check in sooner in future and set some rules eg: don’t go to their table unless they ask.

OP posts:
Xtraincome · 08/04/2023 09:14

This really just boils down to the fact that OP wasn't as aware as they should be when on holiday.

Regardless of all PPs personal preferences of how they holiday, OP should have gone over to the table as DC arrived and said "Come on DC let the family have their dinner." IF they said "Oh he's fine..." you then say "he is quite a chatterbox. Give me a signal when you've had enough (insert awkward laugh)" if they said "thank you, we are just enjoying our dinner together, enjoy your holiday..." you take the child away and do not let them approach again. Things to that effect.

I would never let my children go over to a random table and engage in conversation with Strangers without assessing it and stepping in straight away.

It was simply a new Situation (I hope) and OP wasn't prepared. This isn't malicious and is a lesson learned.

IMO I don't mind kids latching on during play or swim time in the day if parents are engaged and checking in on us and child- common courtesy. But rocking up at night during dinner, not so much. I am hyper aware of how lousy some parents are and am not afraid to tell LOs to go back to their parents.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 08/04/2023 09:16

I think it's fine for kids to make friends on holiday, either in the park or by the pool, these kinds of friendships are a blessing with an only child on holiday.

But, and it's a big but, dinner time, evening meals are family time for me. I remember my youngest making a friend who would come and sit with us at dinner time (all inclusive), her parents ended up almost having a child free few days as their dd was always with us. I ended up having to say something in the end, as it was our family holiday too and I wanted family time without a strange child in tow.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 08/04/2023 09:18

sandgrown · 08/04/2023 00:06

There are some mean people on here . When we go away my grandsons like to
play football. We always end up with another child/ children watching from the sidelines and we ask them to join in or they ask us . We have had some great multinational teams while abroad. Language has never been a barrier .

There's a big difference between being invited and inviting yourself. At the op's child's age, she needs to do this for him.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 09:18

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 09:07

I've never been this offended by the mere presence of a five year old.

Abandoning your kids and soddin off out for lunch is entirely different.

I don't think anyone has said they're offended.

Just that it's rude to let your child latch on to a random family without at least checking first.