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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 08/04/2023 06:17

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:18

Op your title is wrong because she wasn't a lady.

In our region someone being called a (real) lady or gentlemen means they're always kind and tactful.

Barbecuebeans · 08/04/2023 06:22

Sparklybutold · 08/04/2023 00:00

Personally I find it really annoying when some other kid comes hanging around and you inadvertently become parent by proxy. This happens a lot at my local soft play - I'm there with my kid and before I know it I have inherited some other kids who all want me to play with them. I tend to firmly say no and get them to ask whoever they've come with.

I'm afraid this.

I've become default parent a number of times on holiday where I've ended up having to play with someone else's children in the pool or soft play etc. and it's really annoying. If it's happened to this woman she might just have had enough of it.

mellongoose · 08/04/2023 06:38

What a shame. Some of these replies are not nice.

Only children are just looking for someone their own age to play with. Mine does this and I'd be very upset if the mum said that. She's just a kid.

As the parent of an only, we play with her and entertain her when out, but she must honestly prefer to play with other children.

It would be better for those of you who are annoyed by a harmless kid to remember that.

She's an only because her sister died. Not my choice so I could be a bit over sensitive.

user1492757084 · 08/04/2023 06:40

It is a worry for me if another child latches on and is out of sight of their parents. Then they are my responsibility.
What if they injure themselves?

What if the parents think we have abducted their child?
What if the child gets lost returing home?
What if I don't cater for their food allergy? etc.

There is playing in full view of parents and making eye contact etc.which is lovely. Then there is the child who won't leave.
Perhaps the Mum was only asking your child to leave because her child (the family) had had enough playing for now and thought it prudent that your child return to you.
In all fairness their child was probably not mean. Your child should not take offence.

Shoxfordian · 08/04/2023 06:42

If she said that then she may have been a bit harsh but you should be much more engaged and making sure your happy chatty child isn’t annoying another family - just because you think they’re adorable, doesn’t mean everyone else does

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 06:52

mellongoose · 08/04/2023 06:38

What a shame. Some of these replies are not nice.

Only children are just looking for someone their own age to play with. Mine does this and I'd be very upset if the mum said that. She's just a kid.

As the parent of an only, we play with her and entertain her when out, but she must honestly prefer to play with other children.

It would be better for those of you who are annoyed by a harmless kid to remember that.

She's an only because her sister died. Not my choice so I could be a bit over sensitive.

Maybe so, but it’s not fair to expect another parent to take responsibility of watching your child and allow your child to disrupt their evening while you sit back and watch the show which is what the other family intended to do but obviously couldn’t because they had a stranger’s child hanging around their table and chatting away at them. And although I get your point that an only child would prefer to play with other children, it’s not fair to assume that other families with a child will want a stranger’s child standing with them all night while the parent of that child is out of sight and making no effort to come over to check if they are ok with their child introducing on their evening. It is not the other parents responsibility to watch the child.

Poopgal · 08/04/2023 06:54

Other people’s kids are annoying. Mum probably got sick of him hanging around though she probably could have been a bit kinder.

SoggyPigeon · 08/04/2023 06:58

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 06:52

Maybe so, but it’s not fair to expect another parent to take responsibility of watching your child and allow your child to disrupt their evening while you sit back and watch the show which is what the other family intended to do but obviously couldn’t because they had a stranger’s child hanging around their table and chatting away at them. And although I get your point that an only child would prefer to play with other children, it’s not fair to assume that other families with a child will want a stranger’s child standing with them all night while the parent of that child is out of sight and making no effort to come over to check if they are ok with their child introducing on their evening. It is not the other parents responsibility to watch the child.

Show quote history

This. It’s not the other family’s problem tbf.

LlynTegid · 08/04/2023 07:00

Reasonable not to want your child to latch on. Very bad choice of words to get the point over.

LadyPenelope68 · 08/04/2023 07:04

BananasinPyhamas · 07/04/2023 23:05

This.

Show quote history

Absolutely this!

1AngelicFruitCake · 08/04/2023 07:09

You said yourself he’s a chatterbox. I wouldn’t want to deal with a child chattering at my table when I’m trying to enjoy my holiday. Try and teach him to give people space as well so it’s obvious if they still want to play.

HarlanPepper · 08/04/2023 07:11

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:04

We don't know who is BU because we don't know what the other parent actually said.

yes, this!

KatherineJaneway · 08/04/2023 07:12

Sounds like your child was being an unintentional pest. You always check the other parent if it is OK to have your child around. I've seen far too many parents take a break from parenting and let others take that load.

MagpiePi · 08/04/2023 07:13

Maybe the child actually didn’t want to be friends with your child, or had just had enough at the time.

Children can choose who they are friends with but sometimes need their parents to explain the boundaries to other children because they aren’t reading the social cues.

BessieSurtees · 08/04/2023 07:33

I think you’ve accepted that YABU to have allowed your chatty 5 year child to run around and hang around another table without checking it was ok. If you are relaxed it may well have been more than 10 mins or the other parent may have wanted to nip it in the bud.

Did their DC’s sit or play quietly after your DC was gone? There was a show on they maybe didn’t want to listen to your chatty 5 year old, especially as you were a few tables away, wrong time wrong place.

As for what was said, you don’t really know, because he’s 5 and can’t understand context and perhaps they had tried a more subtle approach before a blunt one. They could have got up and asked you to move your child of course, but if it wasn’t the kind of place you could get up and walk around…

TheHoover · 08/04/2023 07:35

Your only mistake was not going over to check if it was ok or not. As you can see on this thread, some parents don’t mind and others do.

Singapore4 · 08/04/2023 07:37

Blood hell some harsh comments here. Personally I'm not so uptight on holiday I wouldn't of been bothered at all OP.

Don't worry about it lesson learnt I have an only too never experienced anything like this on hol either.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 07:43

I've had other peoples kids latch on to us.

Perfectly happy for it to happen.

Honestly, why are so uptight and spiteful? These are children.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 08/04/2023 07:44

Omg, there was a singer!!? Crucial fact slipped into the update, I'd have been really pissed off if some random child kept coming to my table and chatting at me if I was trying to watch the show.

rainbowstardrops · 08/04/2023 07:45

Maybe the other parent thought your DS was hyping the 'friend' up with all the running around etc and got fed up with your child constantly chatting while she wanted to sit there with her child enjoying the show?
If you were there with your DH, why didn't one of you go over to her table?
I'd have been pissed off with your lack of parenting too.

darjeelingrose · 08/04/2023 07:47

It all boils down to, you weren't there. So you have no idea if your chattering child was actually with a friend, as you seem to think, or just annoying the hell out of another family. As you didn't bother to check, YABU.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 08/04/2023 07:48

I get not wanting to parent someone else’s child but I think on holidays with children I wouldn’t be so uptight about a child coming over to chat and play with my child. Some of these replies are so cold.

It’s also hard to fully judge this situation as I don’t know how long they were there for and what was actually said.

Mindymomo · 08/04/2023 07:48

I would have gone to the other family to introduce myself and tell them if he gets too much, just send him back to us. We were on holiday once in joined villas, my DS were 5 and 8. There was a single boy aged 5 in the next villa, he literally wanted to be with us all day, every day apart from the couple of hours that the kids club was on. His parents booked the villas babysitter every night so they could go out, so they basically had him out of their sight all day. After a couple days I popped round to theirs (when they were up) and asked if he didn’t come round all the time. They replied it wasn’t a problem for them, well of course it wasn’t. We went out for a whole day, twice, when we got back the boy was in another villa. If you see the family again, go and say hello.

KatherineJaneway · 08/04/2023 07:49

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 07:43

I've had other peoples kids latch on to us.

Perfectly happy for it to happen.

Honestly, why are so uptight and spiteful? These are children.

You might be perfectly happy for it to happen, I am not. Doesn't make me 'uptight' or 'spiteful' to want to enjoy the evening's entertainment without a random child latching onto us.

Justalittlebitduckling · 08/04/2023 07:49

If she said something like, “Why don’t you go back to be with your own family now,” that would have been perfectly fine. I would be surprised if a grown adult
used that exact phrase.

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