To think a horse is not comparable to a car

[LostCroissant]

This could be a divisive one.

I am very lucky to have a pony. I've had horses all my life (used to work on riding yards) and only stopped having them when I had children. It was actually DHs suggestion that I got pony, as I was really suffering with my mental health and he knew how much horses had been a huge part of my life. It did indeed make a massive difference. At the time, I was very hesitant to take up the offer because i told DH how expensive horses can be. We have managed, because I bought a particularly cheap pony who needed lots of work and i keep him on the cheapest yard possible, don't feed more than essential or compete etc which can cost a lot. But it's still approx £500 per month.

DH has always wanted a luxury sports car. It's been his goal ever since a teenager. He's now started frequently bringing up that if I've got pony, he should get his sports car. But the cost to buy it (on finance) and run insurance, maintenance, fuel etc would be the same sort of cost per month as pony, if not a bit more.

While we are just about at a point in our lives that we could afford that, it would mean no disposable income at all. No family holidays. No chance of a bigger house (which we could really do with now our DCs are getting older and there's a bunfight for the bathroom every morning). And absolutely no safety net if finances became tighter, either of us lost jobs etc.

DH and I both earn very similar. But he gets decent bonuses which in fairness he always puts towards the family- it's how we go on holiday, or we wouldn't be able to. I don't get bonuses. I have said to him his bonus is his, if he wants to use it on a car instead of a family holiday that's his choice but he wants the holidays as well.

But the logic I'm struggling with is I can't see a car and an animal as the same thing. Pony is a lifestyle...he keeps me fit, gives me routine, a group of friends, gets me outside, gives me training goals and is my friend, he gives me affection when I feel alone. There are plenty of expensive items I covet...I'd love a Mulberry handbag! But they're definitely not "essential" and wouldn't impact my mental health by not having. I don't see how a luxury sports car can make so much difference to DH's life to be worth all our family holidays, putting us in risk of financial strain etc. Surely it's mainly a status symbol; a car can't love you back? We have 2 x perfectly good family cars by the way for every day use purposes.

Interested in perspectives. I appreciate this is an incredibly first world issue however it is causing arguments in my household...

People need love and support and she has that in spades; with a DH who cares so much for her that he is not only making sacrifices to pay for said pony, but won't let her sell it even though there's things he wants of his own. I genuinely think therapy and self reflection could help here

This is particularly unpleasant. So YOU get to decide what the OPs coping mechanism should be (never to mind that there is scientific support for horses as coping mechanism in cases of depression). And then you get to ram it down her throat that her husbands love should be enough!?

That’s not how it works! Try asking the family members of those have committed suicide. Did those family members not support or love those who committed suicide enough? Or maybe those who died should have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps when therapy didn’t work?

Think about what you are saying for five minutes. You say you don’t want to cause hurt for anyone struggling with depression, but….

The OP has found a coping mechanism. I for one am DELIGHTED for her! I know the pain of treatment resistant depression and suicidal ideation. She can afford the horse. In that she is so so so lucky, and she knows it. No one is saying that the state should pay for her horse…. But what she is saying is the horse as coping mechanism is not equal to a Porsche for someone who does not have a mental illness.

Agree completely with @Irritateandunreasonable
YABVVVU

I don't think keeping your pony at a yard will be the cheapest option. Sure you may sacrifice a few facilities, but it does not mean sticking the pony in a field to get on with it, there can be stabling and shelters available or acquired and self employed grooms will often do turnout for holidays etc, but it would be harder work for you.
I notice that your pony also has laminitis and I would caution that this can increase costs dramatically as the pony ages with specialist shoeing, medications, supplements etc. Unless you are already at that stage then you may find you need an even bigger budget.