To think a horse is not comparable to a car

[LostCroissant]

This could be a divisive one.

I am very lucky to have a pony. I've had horses all my life (used to work on riding yards) and only stopped having them when I had children. It was actually DHs suggestion that I got pony, as I was really suffering with my mental health and he knew how much horses had been a huge part of my life. It did indeed make a massive difference. At the time, I was very hesitant to take up the offer because i told DH how expensive horses can be. We have managed, because I bought a particularly cheap pony who needed lots of work and i keep him on the cheapest yard possible, don't feed more than essential or compete etc which can cost a lot. But it's still approx £500 per month.

DH has always wanted a luxury sports car. It's been his goal ever since a teenager. He's now started frequently bringing up that if I've got pony, he should get his sports car. But the cost to buy it (on finance) and run insurance, maintenance, fuel etc would be the same sort of cost per month as pony, if not a bit more.

While we are just about at a point in our lives that we could afford that, it would mean no disposable income at all. No family holidays. No chance of a bigger house (which we could really do with now our DCs are getting older and there's a bunfight for the bathroom every morning). And absolutely no safety net if finances became tighter, either of us lost jobs etc.

DH and I both earn very similar. But he gets decent bonuses which in fairness he always puts towards the family- it's how we go on holiday, or we wouldn't be able to. I don't get bonuses. I have said to him his bonus is his, if he wants to use it on a car instead of a family holiday that's his choice but he wants the holidays as well.

But the logic I'm struggling with is I can't see a car and an animal as the same thing. Pony is a lifestyle...he keeps me fit, gives me routine, a group of friends, gets me outside, gives me training goals and is my friend, he gives me affection when I feel alone. There are plenty of expensive items I covet...I'd love a Mulberry handbag! But they're definitely not "essential" and wouldn't impact my mental health by not having. I don't see how a luxury sports car can make so much difference to DH's life to be worth all our family holidays, putting us in risk of financial strain etc. Surely it's mainly a status symbol; a car can't love you back? We have 2 x perfectly good family cars by the way for every day use purposes.

Interested in perspectives. I appreciate this is an incredibly first world issue however it is causing arguments in my household...

The way I read it is she has done all of that though. Apart from not wanting to get into debt - though that seems to be something her and her husband agree on.

She’s said she doesn’t mind her husband using the bonus etc but he still wants an expensive holiday/potentially a new house as well when they can’t accommodate both. I replied to someone else just above with a list of quotes from the OP’s posts and they suggest that she is sympathetic to him and she’s happy for him to spend money on a car. She just doesn’t think it’s sensible to spend money on a car AND a holiday.

Truth be told, you couldn't pay me to have a horse. Extortionate amount money to keep. Very high maintenance. Spend most of your free time looking after them. And I would just find it ultimately tedious.

Other people make such a fuss of it. I think they're beautiful, gentle animals, but there's no way in a month of Sundays, that I would be after having one/looking after them. Each to their own, I suppose.

I don't think you're anybody special or lucky because you've got a horse. Bizarre that some people they think they are.

What absolute nonsense! Some people including women (who have no penis') love performance cars. Not everyone "tears up the streets" most cars thst do that round here are young men in souped up hot hatches.

The “small penis” dig is pretty cheap, and tedious

I have to agree with this to 'small penis' comment. Pathetic and nasty and is usually chucked out by people who are very jealous that they can't afford a flashy sports car.

We've got a 16 reg red Ford Focus. And though it's actually a fairly normal car, it does look quite nice and shiny and we love it. However, both myself and my husband LOVE flashy sports cars/high performance cars, and gaze in admiration when we see one.

We really admire those types of cars. We don't look at the person in it, and say 'yeah he has a small penis' if it's a man, 'or it probably belongs to a husband, or she's a prostitute if it's a woman,' like a couple of my husbands work colleagues do. Pretty rude and nasty.

Yes thank you. I think quite a few people now are not reading the thread properly which is fair enough, it has ended up quite long! The one caveat I'd say here which may have been missed in my replies is DH has since said (only yesterday) that he now would rather have the sports car than a new house, which is news to me since previously he'd been sending me links to houses he liked, talking to his family about us moving and saying he wasn't happy with our house etc. I'm not happy with our house either but, now that DH has said this if this is the compromise then I think that may be the case.

Er well that was a helpful contribution :) I don't think I'm anything special because I have a horse. I DO think I'm lucky, because not everybody can afford to have one and because mine quite literally has saved my life, but that's my personal situation.

I don't think there's anything wrong with loving performance cars and I can understand why DH loves to drive one. For me, it's a "want" (like a beautiful handbag) rather than a "need" which a sporting membership or other hobby would be if you are hugely dependant on the lifestyle. Perhaps because he doesn't do the tinkering and cleaning etc that a number of people have mentioned. But I appreciate some car lovers see this differently. Perhaps you can really NEED an object in your life. I'm not sure.

I agree. The question is what I realistically can do to enable this, without just selling pony. Had I realised pony came with the caveat of us essentially needing to be able to finance a second pony (e.g. car) we would not have pony to begin with, but now we do it would be very very hard to get rid. It isn't as simple as clicking my fingers and magicking up £500 pm disposable extra income that we currently don't have. So the choice is only sell pony, which actually DH does NOT want me to do BTW, or find some way to make the extra money.

At present I think the best scenario is we accept no new house until the kids move out. But even then, we're really going to be pushing ourselves tight financially.

So everybody else in the family has needs that are important except the dh? You could equally argue that the OP's had her turn and now its his (horses aren't pets, people trade them all the time).

Horse is an essential item. 🤣🤣. I just bought another and its more effective than HRT.

also the sports car you can sell and get another later on when kids are older (not that he has one).

You would unlikely to be able to buy back the same pony you are emotionally attached to.

Can compromise be you don't buy any additional horses and he gets sports car when kids are older?

YABU. They are both expensive luxury hobbies.

I dunno - your H could just as easily be jealous of the fact he's got a shitty old car and they haven't.

@rwalker

not when they’ve already got two cars

@YDBear

yeah, this. How judgmental is your DH?!

Who is he showing off too? Plenty of people on this thread have suggested comprises, but your husband only wants the newish, flashiest show offy car and holiday.
I don't think it's about the car, I think it's ego.

Your animal is a “want” too. It certainly isn’t a “need”. Nobody “needs” a horse.

I don't think he's showing off to be fair, he's specifically wanted a 911 since he was a teenager.

What do you / others have to give up if he gets the car?

Could you try it out? He gets his car and enjoys it over the summer period where I am guessing it might be cheaper for the horse if you don’t have to supplement the feed so much(not horsey so not sure) and then when it gets into winter he won’t be so keen on the car as he can’t use it so much?

Just had a quick look on Autotrader and there are loads of 911's for around £15,000. How much does he want to spend on one?

https://www.autotrader.co.uk/car-search?sort=price-asc&postcode=sw114ds&radius=1500&make=Porsche&model=911&include-delivery-option=on&page=2

Well currently we haven't consistently got a surplus 500 pm at all. To find it, we'd need to cut back on existing things...perhaps a smaller, cheaper house (not really an option). Moving to a cheaper area, not likely to happen due to our work. It's a lot of extra money to try and find. Never ever eating out, going out for the day anywhere etc - DH absolutely will not want this and we don't do it frequently anyway.

What we do have are one off lump sums every year in form of DH's bonus. These amounts vary and currently go on a family holiday each year. We could use these towards car but trouble is car isn't just a one off amount, it's ongoing monthly sums for fuel, insurance, maintenance etc and the amount we have is nowhere near enough to buy a Porsche, even an older one, outright.

I asked if there's a cheaper older sports car he might like but he's rightly pointed out it may be a false economy because the maintenance costs could outweigh the initial purchase saving.

That would be 50% of our entire savings gone. So he's planning to do a payment plan at around 300 pm, then insurance, fuel and maintenance on top.

@Sunnytomorrow

this!

I think I’d divorce my spouse if they spoke to me like this.

As an ex (very)horsey person i agree, expensive hobby that takes time away from your children,sounds like the kids are not into horse riding,if it was kids riding and mum riding i would get it.

looks like op and partner are both looking ways to spend money and time not on the and with the children :o/