Absolutely fuming Inlaws idea of when lunchtime is

[indianMIL]

I don’t get along with Inlaws. They have never made me feel part of the family. SIL don’t bother and every time I’ve tried to get close they make it clear “I’m not family”. We’re Indians so on the many weddings and celebrations they pretend to like me which I never understood and naively took each wedding / party as a sign they did really want to be close but I misread it that they were pretending, now I know they pretend to like me at function so I do the same.

I don’t talk to them. I made the obligatory visit where she pushes me aside to get to DH and kids and ignores me. Sorry for all the background here is the AIBU:

DH has today off and we hardly see him as he travels with work and works in the city when he is in UK so we rarely have family time. I was excited about this weekend. His mother was supposed to come at lunch to see our new house so I spent entire day cleaning and guess what she’s still not here! It’s 3:15! I’m fuming as the weather is actually nice today and been raining all week. DH as usual doesn’t see my point of view. I’ve asked him to call them and he’s refusing as they will get upset as in the culture “sons house, their house etc,” plus MIL will do her usual fake dramas of crying and saying she didn’t realise she needs an appointment to see her family.

im really pissed off. He said I should say something to them when they arrive if I’m so upset (he’s not remotely upset or annoyed that they’re not here yet) I know and he knows I won’t because it will erupt and my kids don’t need to have their holiday ruined. Bloody bitch.

Hope your rant has made you feel a little better. Try not to let your MiL upset you even when she’s not yet around. As previously mentioned give a time to eat in future to make it clear, that way if she’s late all will know it’s her rudeness.
The best thing you can do is be loving and happy with your Dh while she is around that way your dh will see that you are not the problem.

'There is modeling of insidious behavior by both parents , but there is only one parent putting themselves forward as the morally superior and put upon victim.' This is tantamount to bullying.

@Solonge
I hold no power, influence, or ability to pose harm or threat to anyone in this anonymous virtual exchange. I like you and simply expressing an opinion.

However, I do think it is harmful and offensive to bandy about terms such as "bullying "without clearly understanding the meaning of those terms.

Having a different opinion or outlook is not synonymous with "bullying." All too often on MN people seem to consider an expression of opinion or perspective as "bullying" if it differs with theirs or the OP's opinion.

Healthy discussion and dialogue has a place for differing opinions.

I live in the country now. It may be different in a city in the UK.
For years restaurants and pubs stopped serving by 2 pm so certainly not traditional to eat later than that.

I really feel for you. I don’t have any good advice I’m afraid - I also really struggle with my ILs, but at the very least my DH agrees with me and it is not culturally normal for us. I have found listening to podcasts such as Surviving Narcissm by Dr Les Carter really valuable. I do hope you can find some internal peace, because sadly, I don’t think you will ever get what you need from those around you. 💐

I had an experience with my ex (youngest son father) I would experience him and his mother bashing his bother (now ex) I to each other then to her face they would be nice... I dread to think what my ex and his mother was saying behind my back... However I broke up with him due to the fact that he would always run to his mother and tell her when me and him had an argument.I can't be in a relationship with anyone who's family will slag me off behind my back and he would just go along with it.

Why not simply not be there when they arrive then your husband and in-laws might get the I don't wish to be mugged off yet again message.
I have been treated worse than shit by my husbands mother and sister. Anytime I have mentioned my upset the two expert gaslighers turned it into they were trying to help. Help between sometimes having nothing to do with our children for up to two years at a time.
On one occasion when my husband was working away they offered to take my children to a wedding without me, no chance I went with the children.
I have nothing to do with either of these women now as they went in their communal huth last time I reacted to my mother in-laws awful behaviour who has a very toxic pecking order between her adult children damaging their sibling relationships for life.
One of the shittiest tricks ever pulled was husband's sister, mother and neice trying to manipulate our then 16 year old daughter to go and live with them as sister in law was in need of money n must have wanted disability living allowance money. I actually questioned myself until I spoke to sister in law best freind who confirmed her plan was real and was herself appalled at the level she would sink to.
This was at the time when sister in law was in an on off domestic violence relationship ( again financially motivated) and her own son age 14 had mental health services involved as he was sucicidal her focus should have been him.
Mother in law always telling lies that didn't matter pretending her daughter had a conservatory and a caravan displayed in photos which turned out to be the daughters ex husband's family's
Be very very careful of toxic in-laws especially if they put a show on in public n treat you like shit in private.
You have to protect your own family and mental health. The final straw for me was when my 9 year old asked me why her grandmother was always mean to me. I leave it to my husband to have whatever relationship he wants with his family which is very minimal.
Just because you are related to people does not mean you have to be their doormat let it go on and on it will blow up in your face while they get their kicks because empty souls are a relentless force.

White feminism just woke up 🙄

Glorious idea - made my day 😂🏆

Did you say. Please come for lunch at 1?