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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wear my asexual ring

327 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 09:58

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand edited by MNHQ

I think it would be very useful if this was widely recognised and understood,

Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not.

asexuals would also recognise each other

I think it is similar to earing a wedding ring to say you are in a relationship, wearing an asexual ring to signal that you are not available for a sexual relationship, even though you may be known to be single

I am expecting a load of hostility and aggression on here, because there always is, whenever asexuality is mentioned, but that wont bother me at all, because some people will read this, and learn to recognise the asexual ring, and that is all I want.

OP posts:
MaireadMcSweeney · 07/04/2023 09:59

What's wrong with using your words?

thegrain · 07/04/2023 09:59

Wear it if you like it doesn't affect me in anyway I'm not staring at people's hands.

YellowGreenBlue · 07/04/2023 10:00

No aggression here. Wear it if you want 🤷‍♀️

waterlego · 07/04/2023 10:00

I think you can wear whatever jewellery you want to wear.

I also think that most people won’t understand the meaning or significance of the ring so you might still get unwanted advances. (Also, some people will hit on someone even if they have a wedding ring on so I wouldn’t expect those sorts of people to respect the meaning of your ring, even if they understood it).

Bearonthestair · 07/04/2023 10:00

Wear what you like. I doubt anyone will notice.

x2boys · 07/04/2023 10:01

Well you have already decided too so wear it if you want🤷

Karwomannghia · 07/04/2023 10:01

Unfortunately I think some men would see this as a challenge, if they knew what it meant.

AppleKatie · 07/04/2023 10:01

I don’t think mumsnet has the kind of reach which is likely to achieve what you want op.

I don’t want to be aggressive hurtful or rude but I do think it is worth you considering what it is you’re asking here. You do you, if you want to wear a ring great; but I don’t think it’s on to expect other people to wear some visible sign that prevents harassment/misunderstandings.

Coldilox · 07/04/2023 10:02

It’s a shame that there is always the assumption that someone not in a relationship must be open to a sexual relationship. Asexuality is not widely recognised or understood unfortunately. Wear your ring but I doubt it will make much difference unfortunately - people don’t want to know.

TheHoover · 07/04/2023 10:02

Is this a ‘I keep getting unwanted attention in pubs/bars’ boast post?

ABlindAssassin · 07/04/2023 10:02

I didn't know about the black ring! But then I never really notice what jewellery people wear. I'm married but rarely wear my wedding rings. DH never takes his off!

It's an interesting thing to be aware of though so thanks for posting!

GloomySkies · 07/04/2023 10:03

Karwomannghia · 07/04/2023 10:01

Unfortunately I think some men would see this as a challenge, if they knew what it meant.

Agreed. The same sort of people that think lesbians just haven't met the right man

UndercoverCop · 07/04/2023 10:03

I don't think it'll work OP, it's not recognised widely enough. Also a wedding ring is widely recognised, doesn't stop sleazy men hitting on me

TimeForMeToF1y · 07/04/2023 10:03

Why is this an issue,? What would be the reason for you not to wear what you want?

I think you may be disapponted though if you expect the general population to know what it means

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 07/04/2023 10:04

I wouldn't even notice, never pay attention to people's jewellery. Sorry op.

TheJudgeandJury · 07/04/2023 10:04

I think men would see it as a challenge. A change her mind sort of thing. A lot of people don't respect a wedding ring so I'm not sure how respectful people would be.

Wear it if you want though. Nothing to stop you.

Thelnebriati · 07/04/2023 10:04

It would be better to change the culture of entitlement that makes being hit on inevitable and saying 'no' a problem, imo.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 10:04

MaireadMcSweeney · 07/04/2023 09:59

What's wrong with using your words?

who says I dont? But why would I need to if the ring is more recognised.

People dont believe you when you say you are asexaul, and if quite often descends into a waste of time discussion, argument, offering to "cure" you, taking it as personal rejection, etc etc etc

Married people often wear a ring, and that shows they are in a committed relationship already, and not available for a relationship, so they dont have to keep referring to being married, in order to make sure that noone is seeing them as a potential partner, or invitations out are not being seen as "dates" by the other person or being questioned about have they met anyone...

OP posts:
APlagueOnBothYourTrousers · 07/04/2023 10:04

YANBU at all to live life on your terms. Unfortunately tho, even if the ring was widely known about, you'd still get entitled blokes trying it on, disbelieving you, seeing it as a challenge. Obviously that's far from okay, and I would hope it wouldn't happen but I sadly I think it would Sad

thegrain · 07/04/2023 10:04

Thelnebriati · 07/04/2023 10:04

It would be better to change the culture of entitlement that makes being hit on inevitable and saying 'no' a problem, imo.

Yes I think so

jaqueandjill · 07/04/2023 10:04

Even if absolutely everybody in the world knew about these rings it wouldn't stop unwanted attention from men. In fact as PP have said it would probably increase it, as you'd be a challenge.

Xrays · 07/04/2023 10:05

I’ve never heard of this so thanks for posting.

I do think though that people who are arseholes will see it as come sort of challenge / opportunity for having a go at you. (If they knew what it meant).

iLiveALifeOfSin · 07/04/2023 10:05

I think if it became more widely known, if men saw a woman in a pub with the ring on it could easily become more of a 'challenge' for them and would probably make things harder for asexual women.

But you do you.

Lastnamedidntstick · 07/04/2023 10:05

*Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not.

asexuals would also recognise each other

I think it is similar to earing a wedding ring to say you are in a relationship, wearing an asexual ring to signal that you are not available for a sexual relationship, even though you may be known to be single*

so basically what you’re saying is you’re so hot and attractive, you get hit on constantly and colleagues are queuing up for sex. So you need a ring to keep off the hordes?

i don’t wear any rings. What you describe is not my experience.

personally I don’t like the concept of wedding rings to stop potential suitors either. Basically men won’t listen to a woman if she says no, but will respect another man’s property.

no need for rings if people are respectful and take no for an answer. The idiots that persist are just arseholes.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 10:05

I'm not asexual and would also not like to be hit on or harassed please