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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wear my asexual ring

327 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 09:58

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand edited by MNHQ

I think it would be very useful if this was widely recognised and understood,

Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not.

asexuals would also recognise each other

I think it is similar to earing a wedding ring to say you are in a relationship, wearing an asexual ring to signal that you are not available for a sexual relationship, even though you may be known to be single

I am expecting a load of hostility and aggression on here, because there always is, whenever asexuality is mentioned, but that wont bother me at all, because some people will read this, and learn to recognise the asexual ring, and that is all I want.

OP posts:
MaccyD100 · 07/04/2023 10:40

CuriouslyDifferent · 07/04/2023 10:35

I always feel these posts are more about being recognized and accepted - and I’m going to be honest. Most people don’t care.

Just be you. That would be the person we care about.

I agree with this and I am asexual. Never in my entire life have I felt a sexual attraction towards another human being. It's personal. None of my friends or family need to know!

x2boys · 07/04/2023 10:41

TabithaTiger · 07/04/2023 10:38

I'm not asexual and I don't wear any rings. No-one ever hits on me!

Being invisible to men is one of the joys of middle age!

Too true 😂😂

IncompleteSenten · 07/04/2023 10:41

SaveYouASeat · 07/04/2023 10:15

Oh god, was that the same poster? 😅

Show quote history

Was that the 'if you've given birth to a son you're part male now' one?

HelloBunny · 07/04/2023 10:43

Never heard of it.

waterlego · 07/04/2023 10:43

That’s the one @IncompleteSenten. Geneticist/maths teacher.

TidyDancer · 07/04/2023 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ha! This!

Why does everything have to be a performance? It just feels very cringey to me.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/04/2023 10:45

I get the impression that people who identify as asexual think it’s a lot more interesting than it actually is.

I think that's true of people who 'identify' as anything.

Broadcasting a personality trait you've decided you've got (true or otherwise) as if it makes you Nelson Mandela is just a way of getting attention for those who lack a real personality.

bellinisurge · 07/04/2023 10:45

Wear what you like.

stinkfaceison · 07/04/2023 10:45

Karwomannghia · 07/04/2023 10:01

Unfortunately I think some men would see this as a challenge, if they knew what it meant.

Yep .Same when they know a woman is gay , some idiots think they can turn her.

jay55 · 07/04/2023 10:47

Does this mean people who are not asexual can't wear black rings now?
Like men couldn't have the wrong ear pierced in the 70s and 80s if they didn't want to signify they were gay.

GobbieMaggie · 07/04/2023 10:47

Wear what you like. I doubt anyone will notice.

ReadersD1gest · 07/04/2023 10:50

Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not
If you speak the same language as those around you, these situations should not present a problem 🤷🏻‍♀️
How do you think everyone else manages to navigate life?

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 10:50

Why does everything have to be a performance? It just feels very cringey to me.

It's hard to avoid the suggestion that bringing children up to all feel special and unique - no matter how well intentioned - hasn't really delivered an improvement in social engagement.

We are all individuals.

Life Of Brian - "You are all individuals"

This is the famous little speech Brian makes about his followers all having to think for themselves. From: Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHbzSif78qQ

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/04/2023 10:50

OP ‘ I am expecting a load of hostility and aggression on here, because there always is, whenever asexuality is mentioned.’

oh go on,,please, show me hostility , show me aggression, come on pile on…

or just show me anything , really , please……..

JaneFondue · 07/04/2023 10:51

donquixotedelamancha · 07/04/2023 10:45

I get the impression that people who identify as asexual think it’s a lot more interesting than it actually is.

I think that's true of people who 'identify' as anything.

Broadcasting a personality trait you've decided you've got (true or otherwise) as if it makes you Nelson Mandela is just a way of getting attention for those who lack a real personality.

So much this. Just like people who constantly advertise being queer, trans, pan, bi, ace.... even in their Linked in profiles.

I don't care.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/04/2023 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 10:51

jay55 · 07/04/2023 10:47

Does this mean people who are not asexual can't wear black rings now?
Like men couldn't have the wrong ear pierced in the 70s and 80s if they didn't want to signify they were gay.

Cultural appropriation, innit ?

OK, you have to create a culture first. But once that's done.

A journey of a thousand posts starts with a single sentence. Or three.

bellinisurge · 07/04/2023 10:52

Finding it boring and a tad narcissistic is not hostility

NoTouch · 07/04/2023 10:52

I am just soooo fed up of people wanting labels and the expectation that people will understand them, know what to do with that information, the intolerance when they get it wrong.

When will this ridiculous societal phase end and we all just accept people are unique and take them as you find them.

Sarah2891 · 07/04/2023 10:52

No need to ask if YABU or not. Wear what you like.
I hope this wasn't just a wind up post.

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Part of a new MN paid for poster drive to bump up engagement ?

VanGoghsDog · 07/04/2023 10:53

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 10:05

yes, there is always those men, but it is the same if you just tell them "no thanks I am asexual" - they offer to "cure" you - nothing can be done to avoid idiots like that

Show quote history

Why on earth would you say "no thanks I am asexual"?

Just say no thanks. The reason you don't want to is not their business.

I'm in a relationship, but no jewellery to show that, if a guy approached me, I'd just say "I'm not interested", I wouldn't say "I'm in a relationship" because that's like saying "but if I wasn't, then I'd be interested", so that sounds like a challenge. As does your response.

But anyway, wear whatever you want. Tell people no thanks for whatever reason you want.

Confusion101 · 07/04/2023 10:53

thegrain · 07/04/2023 10:05

I'm not asexual and would also not like to be hit on or harassed please

This!!!!! Plenty of people don't want to be hit on! Instead of wearing a ring on the middle finger, just give them the middle finger! 😅

And unfortunately I've seen people still hit on people wearing wedding bands so not sure this has the desired effect.

Megifer · 07/04/2023 10:53

I'd just see it as a ring if I noticed it, even though I know the meaning. An ex used to wear a black titanium ring on that finger because he liked it? I honestly don't think it will have the effect you're hoping. Its just a piece of jewellery

donquixotedelamancha · 07/04/2023 10:54

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 10:52

Part of a new MN paid for poster drive to bump up engagement ?

Show quote history

I don't think you have to pay for this crap, the internet is full of it. I would just rather we didn't become fucking Reddit.

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