Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wear my asexual ring

327 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 09:58

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand edited by MNHQ

I think it would be very useful if this was widely recognised and understood,

Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not.

asexuals would also recognise each other

I think it is similar to earing a wedding ring to say you are in a relationship, wearing an asexual ring to signal that you are not available for a sexual relationship, even though you may be known to be single

I am expecting a load of hostility and aggression on here, because there always is, whenever asexuality is mentioned, but that wont bother me at all, because some people will read this, and learn to recognise the asexual ring, and that is all I want.

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 07/04/2023 10:05

I never notice people's rings. But I don't go around hitting on people either.
I doubt this ring would make any difference but if it makes you feel better go for it.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 10:05

Karwomannghia · 07/04/2023 10:01

Unfortunately I think some men would see this as a challenge, if they knew what it meant.

yes, there is always those men, but it is the same if you just tell them "no thanks I am asexual" - they offer to "cure" you - nothing can be done to avoid idiots like that

OP posts:
iLiveALifeOfSin · 07/04/2023 10:05

Also, don't be disappointed that the general population don't know what it is. You don't need a bit of jewellery to show the world your sexuality.

Pahpahpotato · 07/04/2023 10:06

yea I mean wear what you like but it probably won’t make any difference and probably would make very little difference even if people knew what it meant. Wedding rings don’t have the magic ‘fuck off’ power that they should(?) have, or that you think they do, and this ring wouldn’t either.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 10:06

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 10:05

yes, there is always those men, but it is the same if you just tell them "no thanks I am asexual" - they offer to "cure" you - nothing can be done to avoid idiots like that

Show quote history

Just say no thanks then?

M340 · 07/04/2023 10:07

who says I dont? But why would I need to if the ring is more recognised.

@Nimbostratus100

But that's the thing, the ring isn't recognised.
I think it would be really cringe if somebody approached you and you just put your hand up. Just say you're not interested ffs

Cornettoninja · 07/04/2023 10:07

MaireadMcSweeney · 07/04/2023 09:59

What's wrong with using your words?

This does seem to resolve most unwanted situations…

tbh I don’t think it’ll catch on, mostly because some cultures/countries already wear a wedding ring on the right and having a specific colour requires a level of attention to detail that you’re unlikely to achieve most of the time.

Do it if it appeals but I think the reality is that it would take a very, very long time to achieve any level of commonality in the general zeitgeist to achieve what you’ve set out.

lsanny · 07/04/2023 10:07

Wear what you want, but don't imagine for a second it will stop men approaching you.

Men are always going to harass and assault women. I'm sorry but a ring doesn't stop a predator.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 10:07

You shouldn't be having to explain your sexuality to get people to leave you alone.

jaqueandjill · 07/04/2023 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Timeforchangeithink · 07/04/2023 10:08

Why is everything such a drama these days? Someone chats you up - like anyone else who isn't interested you say no thanks and move on - no need to give any reason. Why do asexuals need to recognise each other anyway - are non asexuals not worth of recognition? Honestly lit of fuss about nothing. Wear whatever badge of honour you want to.

Eventysaurus · 07/04/2023 10:08

I don't want to sound harsh OP but i don't think anyone will notice nor care.

Plus, there was Twitter discussion recently about "LGBTQIA" fatigue. People know there are differences but it's too tiresome to know what every symbolic colour, shape or flag means.

You do you though!

Alwayswonderedwhy · 07/04/2023 10:08

Wear what ever you want but if you get that much unwanted attention I doubt a ring will stop that. Plenty of people wearing wedding rings still get unwanted attention.

Dandy0911 · 07/04/2023 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😂😂😂

Tessisme · 07/04/2023 10:08

I'm pretty old now, but I would have loved not to be harassed or hit on by men when I was younger. I am not asexual though. Is there a ring for people like me?

Oysterbabe · 07/04/2023 10:09

I think it's attention seeking tbh. Most people don't want to be hit on. If it happens then I say I'm not interested. The reason for that is no one else's business, I certainly don't feel the need to explain myself.

x2boys · 07/04/2023 10:09

op.you are asking on a site that is a predominantly female site for parents ,so.im.not sure what you expect from this thread ,there maybe some sleazy men that are on here but I can't imagine posting on here is going to.stop.the unwanted attention .as I'm not sure it's going to reach the peiple you want to.educate?

Cornettoninja · 07/04/2023 10:09

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 10:05

yes, there is always those men, but it is the same if you just tell them "no thanks I am asexual" - they offer to "cure" you - nothing can be done to avoid idiots like that

Show quote history

Because you’ve brought up your sexuality. It doesn’t need to be discussed at all. You’re not interested and it’s none of their business why that is.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2023 10:09

Aren't most people not attracted to about 99% f the population? "No ta" should be enough without special jewelry or everyone learning codes. I mean I'd need a 'no thanks unless you're 6' and read' which would be complicated.

You don't actually have to give an explanation and explain asexuality to randoms. Your "no" should not be the start of a negotiation whatever the reason.

Lastnamedidntstick · 07/04/2023 10:09

Married people often wear a ring, and that shows they are in a committed relationship already, and not available for a relationship, so they dont have to keep referring to being married

do you not see that this is the problem?

woman being hit on- not interested. but bloke persists as he doesn’t respect her enough to accept her answer.

woman being hit on- not interested. Bloke persists so she says she’s married. He backs off. So what is happening here is he doesn’t care what this woman thinks or says, but her respects the man she’s married to enough to back off “his” woman.

men should learn to listen to women and accept what they are being told.

Karwomannghia · 07/04/2023 10:09

Sounds like it’ll invite more of the attention and conversations you’re trying to avoid. I do think asexualism is becoming more known though in general.

LordEmsworth · 07/04/2023 10:09

Where do you live and work that every time you go to pubs, clubs, social events someone hits on you, your friends at work and hobbies misunderstand that you don't want to have sex with them and accuse you of leading them on, and your social arrangements all need to be clear that it's not a date?

I've never work a black ring on any of my fingers. The last time I got hit on in a club was a quarter of a century ago, no-one at work has ever accused me of leading them on, and I've never turned up at a social arrangement to find the other person thought it was a date. I now feel like an unwanted, frumpy old bag.

Maybe it would be a good thing if all these "people" - by which I suspect you mean "men" - were to accept that anyone who's single isn't fair game to try to get into bed? Regardless of whether they have a secret handshake...

sanityisamyth · 07/04/2023 10:10

AppleKatie · 07/04/2023 10:01

I don’t think mumsnet has the kind of reach which is likely to achieve what you want op.

I don’t want to be aggressive hurtful or rude but I do think it is worth you considering what it is you’re asking here. You do you, if you want to wear a ring great; but I don’t think it’s on to expect other people to wear some visible sign that prevents harassment/misunderstandings.

This. Well said.

TheSingingBean · 07/04/2023 10:11

Where whatever you want.

But what you're describing is more Identity Politics, and I for one am sick to the back teeth of it.

Pifflepuffin · 07/04/2023 10:11

Timeforchangeithink · 07/04/2023 10:08

Why is everything such a drama these days? Someone chats you up - like anyone else who isn't interested you say no thanks and move on - no need to give any reason. Why do asexuals need to recognise each other anyway - are non asexuals not worth of recognition? Honestly lit of fuss about nothing. Wear whatever badge of honour you want to.

I know. I went out recently and was chatted up by an 18 year old. I'm 37! Should I wear an "old enough to be your mum" ring? 😂 I said "no thank you", we laughed, I got my ID out to prove my age (as a joke because we were laughing about it all) and off he went.