Page 18 | Boys and teen pregnancies

KittyAlfred · 2023-04-06T13:04:14+00:00

DS is 17 and one of his contemporaries from primary school is about to have a baby. She and her boyfriend are happy about it (according to Instagram - I have no direct contact with them), but it got me thinking about how I would feel if DS got a girl pregnant. I had a termination as a teenager, which my Mum supported me with, as did my boyfriend at the time. Parents of daughters would have some influence, would be able to talk through the pros and cons of pregnancy and termination, the practicalities, the realities of it etc, so that the pregnant girl could make an informed decision. The boys (and their parents) would just have to wait and see what decision was made. I think most people would agree that the pregnant girl gets to decide what she does with her body, but what should the boy do? Assuming they used condoms, and the pregnancy was an accident, how much responsibility should the boy take for a child he didn’t want? Should he quit education and get a job to pay some child support? Should he take a father role, share accommodation and childcare? Should he just walk off into the sunset saying that he didn’t want a child in the first place and she should have aborted? Should his parents take over, pay child maintenance and help out, while allowing him to carry on university or whatever? Hopefully I’ll never be faced with this situation, but as a mother of boys I do think about it sometimes. DS is sensible and knows about contraception, but condoms are all that’s available to him, and we all know they’re not 100% effective. It’s not even a conversation teens can have before they have sex, because no one knows how they’ll feel till it actually happens.

weinerdog · 08/04/2023 10:19

I sincerely hope that's bullshit and you don't work in a safeguarding capacity. Your posts have been vile.

Me too. Sincerely hope it's bullshit bravado to one up everyone else and not true. Everything you e said points to zero knowledge of safeguarding and a lot of bias against [vulenrable] girls

Whenisitsummer · 08/04/2023 10:41

Easterfunbun · 08/04/2023 10:06

@5128gap

Ive already said my priority would be HIM. Not getting a DNA test is absolutely ridiculous for all sorts of reasons when you’re dealing with minors, safeguarding being ONE of them. I work in a safeguarding capacity and my INSTANT thought would be, I need to make sure he is the father first and foremost. I’ve seen it all and some, so yeah, nice try.

I’m beginning to think that no one on mn ever mixed with other teens as a teenager. I remember being that age and having sex with more than one person was certainly not rare. It still goes on now. DNA test is just sensible- we are talking about a lifetime of commitment so there should be no doubt. Even when a teen father is involved, provides financially etc, the chances of a ‘happy family’ outcome are remote. Anyone suggesting otherwise to their teenage daughter is naive. Those who keep saying that would be their grandchild etc are assuming they would get a say. Grandparents have zero rights under the law. The teen girl and her family could decide they don’t want you involved ( seen that happen before) and there would be nothing you could do about it. It’s not black and white, both teens are in a vulnerable position and it is the adults in their lives who need to help them both navigate the situation.

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 10:46

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 10:02

So an adult getting a 17 year old child pregnant is not disturbing? Really? That is called having sex with a minor. That is disturbing.

Under 18s conception rate has gone up 35%, while under 20s conception rate has reduced.

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A 17 year old isn’t a minor. The age of consent is 16. And even then; a slightly older male isn’t doing anything wrong by having sex by his partner who may even have been in the same class with them at school.

My teen boyfriend was at one point 19 when I was 17. He was absolutely not a predator - we were 15 (me) and 16 (him) when we met, 16 and 17 when we had sex, and broke up at 21 and 22.

Ingrowncrotchhair · 08/04/2023 10:53

KittyAlfred · 06/04/2023 15:08

What if they were at university too far away from home?

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… then they apply for one near home?

5128gap · 08/04/2023 10:59

Easterfunbun · 08/04/2023 10:06

@5128gap

Ive already said my priority would be HIM. Not getting a DNA test is absolutely ridiculous for all sorts of reasons when you’re dealing with minors, safeguarding being ONE of them. I work in a safeguarding capacity and my INSTANT thought would be, I need to make sure he is the father first and foremost. I’ve seen it all and some, so yeah, nice try.

Nonsense. Your instant thought was that your son shouldn't give up his education to provide 'daddy day care', not a word about DNA tests for 'safeguarding' until someone else gave you the idea. But nice try yourself!

Russyred · 08/04/2023 11:18

I’m really surprised to see parents saying they would support their son abandoning a child

I think more would do this than would admit

Tessabelle74 · 08/04/2023 11:24

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BelindaMelinda · 08/04/2023 11:26

Although it seems the only popular opinion would be to try and rip your teen boy out of college or Uni and encourage them to get a job to pay for the child - no I wouldn't do that.

From a financial aspect, I would encourage my son to continue with his education and career plans in order to be able to support the child better over the long term. Hopefully the mum of the baby would be able to continue in her education too but that would be out of my control. I'd try and provide some normal grandparent-level of practical support.

I'd also think a DNA test would be a good idea for ds's peace of mind but I'd tread carefully around this aspect. Obviously a lot would be dependent on the specifics.

whumpthereitis · 08/04/2023 11:47

If a woman doesn’t want a child she can either access abortion, or place the child for adoption. A man rightly cannot force an abortion, and he cannot unilaterally force adoption either. For someone that doesn’t want to raise a child, that means the only option is walking away.

I don’t believe it is right to force a woman to raise a child she doesn’t want, and I don’t believe it’s right to force a man to either.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 12:16

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 10:46

A 17 year old isn’t a minor. The age of consent is 16. And even then; a slightly older male isn’t doing anything wrong by having sex by his partner who may even have been in the same class with them at school.

My teen boyfriend was at one point 19 when I was 17. He was absolutely not a predator - we were 15 (me) and 16 (him) when we met, 16 and 17 when we had sex, and broke up at 21 and 22.

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A 17 year old is a child. An adult having sex with a 17 year old is having sex with a child.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 12:18

DisquietintheRanks · 08/04/2023 10:17

A 17 year old with a boyfriend of 18 or 19? No I don't find that disturbing at all.

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You don't think an adult having sex with a child is wrong! Wow!

BonAppTheTeet · 08/04/2023 12:32

You don't think an adult having sex with a child is wrong! Wow!

And

A 17 year old is a child. An adult having sex with a 17 year old is having sex with a child.

I know this wasn't for me but:

Somebody said most teens are impregnated by adult men with no reference to where this came from.

Now we've established that teen also includes people aged 17-19. This includes women who are also legally adults.

A 17-19 year old having sex with a man of a similar age in his early twenties is not what was first insinuated.

What was implied that older men are the main ones impregnating teen girls. Anecdotally, I've not come across this at all, so I highly doubt the figure is 4 in 5 pregnancies as the first person said.

Maybe 4 in 5 17 year olds are impregnated by adult men since their dating pool will be 16-20.

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 12:40

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 12:16

A 17 year old is a child. An adult having sex with a 17 year old is having sex with a child.

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A 17 year old is not a child, they are an adolescent, and unless that adult is in a position of authority, or either party are unable to give consent, or do not give consent, the 18 year old is not doing anything legally or morally wrong.

Even rape crisis disagrees with your stance:

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/sexual-consent/

What is sexual consent?

Consent happens when all people involved in any kind of sexual activity agree to take part by choice. They also need to have the freedom and capacity to make that choice.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/sexual-consent/

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 12:54

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 12:40

A 17 year old is not a child, they are an adolescent, and unless that adult is in a position of authority, or either party are unable to give consent, or do not give consent, the 18 year old is not doing anything legally or morally wrong.

Even rape crisis disagrees with your stance:

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/sexual-consent/

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A 17 year old is a child. Yes above the age of consent but that means that we allow children to have sex with adults and that morally is acceptable in the UK. We have raised the age of marriage now so children no longer can marry as up until this year, children could get married in the UK. We now need to do the same with the age of consent.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 12:55

Maybe 4 in 5 17 year olds are impregnated by adult men since their dating pool will be 16-20.

That truly is an awful statistic and no it doesn't include 16-20 year olds. As this is about teen dads only being 1 in 5 then this means that those 17 year olds are having sex with adults older than 20.

Lastnamedidntstick · 08/04/2023 13:01

Same for both boys and girls imo.

if you know you definitely don’t want a baby, and you are not prepared for a termination (girls) or for your partner to decide to keep the baby (boys)- don’t have sex.

if you have sex you need to consider that no matter how careful you are, a baby might be the consequence.

if you are male and have sex the consequences are supporting your gf through a termination, or having a baby, accepting it is not your choice.

you decided to have sex, you don’t get to walk away from the consequences.

BonAppTheTeet · 08/04/2023 13:09

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 12:55

Maybe 4 in 5 17 year olds are impregnated by adult men since their dating pool will be 16-20.

That truly is an awful statistic and no it doesn't include 16-20 year olds. As this is about teen dads only being 1 in 5 then this means that those 17 year olds are having sex with adults older than 20.

Where is this stat even from? What's so awful about a 17 year old dating someone 16-20?

A 17 year old being impregnated by an 18 year old would count as 'a teenager impregnated by an adult man'.

Any older and yes, there is a power imbalance with emotional maturity but how can anyone get worked up about 17 and someone a similar age?

I don't even get how it was brought up in the first place.

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 13:10

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 08/04/2023 12:54

A 17 year old is a child. Yes above the age of consent but that means that we allow children to have sex with adults and that morally is acceptable in the UK. We have raised the age of marriage now so children no longer can marry as up until this year, children could get married in the UK. We now need to do the same with the age of consent.

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Do you think raising the age of consent will make teens less likely to have sex? Age of consent is not a consideration for the vast majority of teenagers. I actually think the age of consent should be completely abolished, and instead more specific circumstances should be stipulated. Two fifteen year olds having sex shouldn’t be committing an offence; and a newly 16 year old shouldn’t be breaking the law by having sex until their partners 16th birthday. Instead, I believe the law should stipulate appropriate age ranges for under 16s, under 18s etc.

1 in 3 under 16s are sexually active which proves the age of consent is meaningless to a large proportion of the population. Almost everyone has had sex by 18. Do you honestly think people would abstain til 18 just because it’s illegal? 😂 Have you ever met a teenager?!

LlamaFace19 · 08/04/2023 13:33

I am shocked, and frankly revolted, at the number of posters who would support their DS abandoning a child! My DHs father abandoned him (and his pregnant girlfriend, because apparently he was too young and not ready) and it still affects him to this day.

Of course I would drum into both of my children (I have a DD and a DS) the vital importance of safe sex and wouldn't be thrilled if either of them got someone/became pregnant as a teenager. I would support my DD in whatever choice she made, be that abortion or keeping the baby. I would expect my DS to support his child if indeed the girl he impregnated chose to keep it. It is not the child's fault and they don't deserve to be abandoned because their father couldn't face it. I would also encourage him to stay in education as it would massively benefit them all in the long term.

ALL sex, protected or not, carries a risk of pregnancy. Teenagers need to be acutely aware of that.

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 13:38

BonAppTheTeet · 08/04/2023 13:09

Where is this stat even from? What's so awful about a 17 year old dating someone 16-20?

A 17 year old being impregnated by an 18 year old would count as 'a teenager impregnated by an adult man'.

Any older and yes, there is a power imbalance with emotional maturity but how can anyone get worked up about 17 and someone a similar age?

I don't even get how it was brought up in the first place.

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I was in the same class as my boyfriend at the time, we had the same friendship group etc, there was absolutely no “power inbalance” and we were together for nearly a year before we actually had sex, and four more after that.

Even now as adults we get on; he’s been in my house a few times in recent years; he absolutely wasn’t “an adult” when we were having sex. He’ll, I was still at secondary school at 18 - would I be a predator if I had sex with someone who was 17 but in my school year? According to the previous poster. Yeah.

Easterfunbun · 08/04/2023 13:46

@5128gap

Erm my initial reaction was he would be continuing his education, or I would support that and I absolutely wouldn’t want him to be doing daddy care. I maintain that stance, please don’t think I’m trying to back track on ANYTHING I’ve said. I stand by my convictions on this thread. We then moved on in the discussion as someone mentioned DNA tests. That’s generally how a discussion evolves…. not sure if you’ve gathered that. I’ve already said I would want a DNA test for numerous reasons, the safeguarding element being ONE of them.

emptythelitterbox · 08/04/2023 14:34

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 13:10

Do you think raising the age of consent will make teens less likely to have sex? Age of consent is not a consideration for the vast majority of teenagers. I actually think the age of consent should be completely abolished, and instead more specific circumstances should be stipulated. Two fifteen year olds having sex shouldn’t be committing an offence; and a newly 16 year old shouldn’t be breaking the law by having sex until their partners 16th birthday. Instead, I believe the law should stipulate appropriate age ranges for under 16s, under 18s etc.

1 in 3 under 16s are sexually active which proves the age of consent is meaningless to a large proportion of the population. Almost everyone has had sex by 18. Do you honestly think people would abstain til 18 just because it’s illegal? 😂 Have you ever met a teenager?!

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There has to be some laws protect children from predatory men. Are you that unaware of the number of men who would assault children of any age?

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 14:52

emptythelitterbox · 08/04/2023 14:34

There has to be some laws protect children from predatory men. Are you that unaware of the number of men who would assault children of any age?

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Of course there should be some laws. However, I don’t think an “age of consent” is it. Instead, legislate appropriate age gaps. Which protects a pair consensual 15 year olds, but not a 15 year old and a 20+year old.