To feel embarrassed that we can’t afford to buy a property?

[Foreveraskingquestions]

Since me and DH have been together buying a property has never really been in our interest. We had money at the start but we wasn’t bothered as rent was fairly cheap back then and our priority really was just having fun and going on holidays.

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent. Our rent is now going to be 1k I never imagined spending that much on rent but it’s a beautiful home and it gives our kids the space they need to blossom.

FIL was gobsmacked about how much rent were going to be paying and said how it’s dead money. It’s obviously got into DH head and now he thinks we’re “failures”. Everyone in his family has brought their properties we are the only ones that haven’t.

AIBU to think we’re not failures? He said his family are probably laughing at us.

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

save for a 5% deposit. No way would I pay £1000 rent when a mortgage could be that or even less. You don’t have to buy anything too swanky and may have to move a little for somewhere cheaper. But you are essentially throwing that money away.

This. You chose to prioritise holidays and having a good time and now it has come back to haunt you.

You’ve said yourself you had years of “dirt cheap” rent in a HA property. That was the time to save a deposit to buy, not to squander it on holidays, etc.

Also laughing at the idea of £1k rent pm being a lot. Welcome to the real world!

Some people are just wired to live in the moment and never think about or plan for the future and imo, they are failures.

No, you're not a failure. If your children are happy and thriving and you have a good relationship you are a winner. Add in good health and a fulfilling job and you've hit the jackpot.
In a couple of years time even 'old timers' will understand the financial challenge of home ownership and not be so judgement. I'm sick of Boomers saying how they worked hard for what they had and saved up. My dad was a bricklayer. My mum was a SAH parent until we were in out teens then worked part time in a job she left at the door. We had 2 cars, a nice home and regular holidays and hobbies. Seems apparently that I can't afford to buy a home because I have a smart phone and a takeaway.
Owning a home is good in some ways but seems to me the biggest benefit is when you're dead!

AIBU- That when visitors come to your home they should take their shoes off 😬 i just find it awkward when you invite guests around and they just trampoline in with shoes on in the house 🙈

If renting for a long time you need to also save/invest for your future.

I always considered rental price to equate to the interest on a mortgage, so if renting you should at least save/invest what would be the capital part of the mortgage.

I’ve just checked a few of properties where I live and this premise still works.
One example is a house for rent at £650 a month and the equivalent house to buy is £140k - putting the figures into a mortgage calculator gives a mortgage interest of approximately £650 leaving the renter £200 a month to save/invest.

Of course renters don’t pay for any maintenance so should be able to save even more than this in reality.

There are always choices in life, some one gets wrong, some right and others are more nuanced. The fact of the matter is that a house-owner has more control over their destiny acquired by some financial sacrifices in the first instance, and carries some risk in terms of the fact that a house is a wasting asset that requires expenditure to maintain and/or improve it, that is otherwise the responsibility of the landlord. It is the land that is valuable, not the house, something not generally well-understood. As a rule-of-thumb, though the proportion varies across the country, the house is worth a third-to-a-quarter of the value of a property. The rent-or-buy argument has run "forever" and in general in the long term buying is the better option, not least of which because it forces a form of saving that will not be equalled by the renter. But there is an issue of timing. Those who bought in 1988 were often regretting it by 1992 and there is a possibility that interest rate rises will cause price falls now, more noticeable in the first-time buyer market. So far this is not particularly noticeable where compared to the late eighties where most mortgages were variable, now most are fixed-period so the full impact or a rate increase is not immediate. You chose to spend now rather than save for later. There is a balance to be struck, but where saving is deferred expenditure and generally rewarded by way of long-term property market gains or growth of market investments in an ISA, SIPP or other pension by way of compounding, some initial conservatism in spending is likely to result in a greater standard of living on a whole-life basis. So in that sense your FIL is right. You will be paying rent years after a mortgage would have been paid off, unless you change tack. Key in this seems to be to contain expenditure now, staying with the low cost HA option and start the serious saving to get a house of your own. Not doing this is simply kicking the can down the road, and overall, your standard of living on a whole life basis will be lower. Maybe the holidays and "fun" were worth effectively mortgaging your future - that is for you to judge! But life is a marathon, not a sprint for most of us.

If it makes you feel any better £1k a month rent seems really cheap round here at the moment (everything has shot up in the last few years) so it seems like a sensible move to get the space you want

Not failures at all. It’s only this country among just a few that places such importance on owning a home. Many people in Europe and in the major US cities rent. Here also, we see owning a home as an investment to make money off when we sell. It’s this that has driven property prices and rentals through the roof. A home should be just that - a home. I know a lot of people who own property who are stressed to the limits because of mortgage repayments. At least when you rent you can leave whenever you want and go somewhere cheaper. Plus you don’t have to fork out for home repairs, appliances breaking down etc. not failures at all.

OP what do you want to happen? If I were you I would stay in the HA property for another year or so and save like crazy. See if you can raise more towards a deposit and aim to buy something - it can be a 3 bedroom with 3 kids. I had to share a room as a child/teenager.

But if you don't want to do this then that's your choice.

I am in my 50s and guess was from the fortunate generation that was able to buy properties more easily. Don't get me wrong, it was still a scary amount to tie myself in to paying for 25 years on a basic salary but it was ingrained into me that I should buy and not rent. I still have a mortgage now but on a larger house- if I hadn't got my foot on the ladder then this wouldn't have happened. My younger sibling is still in rental and is also struggling to save for a deposit due to high rents, high cost of living and not as high wages. I really do feel for this generation as it's going to be so much harder.

Overall it's up to you to decide. Ignore your FIL - he could give you a deposit - that would be nicer of him than to mock you for renting.

Good luck!

It can take years to get a swop with another HA property and there aren’t any guarantees you would get what you need anyway. Making a decision in favour of your health and happiness now seems like a good move to me. You will all benefit. Maybe if you can’t afford to buy a house yet you could buy a little flat on a Buy To Let Mortgage and rent it out. That might bring in some extra to help against the rent you pay and, if it’s a good investment, you could sell when you want to buy a house and it might help with growing your deposit. Maybe you could even buy it through your new business… I don’t know much about that but a good mortgage advisor could tell you.
Enjoy your new place! Hope the new business grows well.

Why did you leave HA most people would love that cheap rent. We private rent and are trapped.

Is it too late to stay in the HA property?

What's the business exactly? Selling stuff is what all businesses do. Is it location-based in any way?

If your current property is 'HA and it is dirt cheap but you can't afford to buy' a house, then it is likely that you may never be able to buy a house once you move and have to pay market value for privately rented accommodation.

You made your choice you now have to live with the consequences. So you had great holidays, fun times etc etc. Ohers put their money into saving and forsok such fun. They now have a mortgage etc which costs at the moment less than renting, hopefully security that they can't be evicted as long as they pay the mortgage etc. Your choice and you now regret it - tough.

I’m sorry but why on earth did you take a HA house if you had 30k in savings and went on holidays and had fun. This absolutely makes my blood boil, there are people who have nothing who really need the HA! No wonder this country is in such a mess.
you should be ashamed.
welcome to the real world of having to pay proper rent like EVERYONE else

We’re in HA, both hubby and I are mid to late 40’s with a daughter. We don’t feel failures! What happens if you’d have bought a house then lost your jobs?! You have absolutely no chance of keeping the bought property, but in a HA property, if you end up on benefits, you’re not going to lose your home, the HA will help with your benefits as it’s in their best interest to do so.

It does sound like you have created a financially unstable situation to live in a nice house! You should have stayed in the HA place and then saved really hard to buy something you could afford and not something swanky. In effect you are paying someone else’s mortgage and they are having the last laugh. I think the family are correct.

Again, that's a myth. The UK has one of the highest percentages of renters in Europe.

The security of owning your own home is something money can’t buy in my opinion. I privately rented with my Son and we lived in 6 houses by the time he was 7 due to: mould, landlord going bankrupt, landlord moving back home from abroad(this was never mentioned as a possibility), landlord wanting to sell and massive rent increases at the end of contract(twice). It made me miserable and determined to own a property. The mortgage payments are reliant on earnings yes but it’s much less likely we’ll ever have to move.
In contrast, I have a friend who has rented the same home for 15 years at a decent rent and she is very happy.

I doubt your family are laughing at you. Why would you think that? You said your FIL was gobsmacked at how much rent you are going to be paying. And it is a gobsmacking amount in anyone's book.

I would suspect they are more concerned for you really than anything else. It IS dead money and the private rented sector is an absolute gamble at the moment. You could find yourselves having to move lots of times when you don't want to - but you may not, given what you say about it not being a single LL you are dealing with. Rents, of course, only ever go in one direction. Mortgages can go up but they can also go down and once you have started to pay off some of the Capital there will come a point, not too many years down the track when the mortgage is much less than the market rent.

But if you can't afford it, you can't and there is absolutely no shame in that. It is absolutely your choice whether to keep saving for a deposit or go for the new rented place and doesn't in any way make you failures

Why haven’t you been saving a deposit?

I would stay in the HA property for a bit longer and save. We rented but only when it was cheap. We moved in with my mum, it’s cheaper than the rent now. What I would’ve give to have a HA House.

You’re not a failure . You could have bought a house if you wanted but you wanted to spend it on having fun instead. Your relatives may question your financial choices but it’s none of their business. Are you happy with your past decisions or do you wish you had bought a house ?

I'd give anything to pay $1000 rent. Mine is $2650.