To feel embarrassed that we can’t afford to buy a property?

[Foreveraskingquestions]

Since me and DH have been together buying a property has never really been in our interest. We had money at the start but we wasn’t bothered as rent was fairly cheap back then and our priority really was just having fun and going on holidays.

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent. Our rent is now going to be 1k I never imagined spending that much on rent but it’s a beautiful home and it gives our kids the space they need to blossom.

FIL was gobsmacked about how much rent were going to be paying and said how it’s dead money. It’s obviously got into DH head and now he thinks we’re “failures”. Everyone in his family has brought their properties we are the only ones that haven’t.

AIBU to think we’re not failures? He said his family are probably laughing at us.

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

That’s partly why there are so many elderly people in poverty, unable to heat their homes. It’s heartbreaking. Low pensions, high outgoings.

I feel like there’s so many judgey people on here. I for one can say 10 years ago when I met my husband, I wasn’t thinking about saving for a house and where my child that didn’t exist yet were going to live. We were the same we had the holidays, weekends away and nights out. Now we are early 30s and saving for a home. Wether people buy a house in their 20s or 40s they’ve still bought a home, no better or no worse. And shock horror if someone never choice to buy a house, that’s fine too because it’s their choice. Renting is not Failing, it’s reality for a lot of people.

Well personally I think you’re stark staring bonkers for spending the vast majority of your 30k savings, having a third child when you’re already overcrowded and then compounding the lot by giving up a HA house, but I’m sure you had your reasons, so you have to make the best of it. Would love to know how you plan on saving enough to buy a four bed house in five years while bringing up three kids and paying £1000 a month in rent though.

Its just cheaper even if you don't care about the asset - my last house would've rented for 1200 but my mortgage was 350 pm - but actually the benefit of equity in the asset cant be ignored at least while value is climbing. We made 160k on our last house so even with the interest it was worth it - bought just over 10 years ago.

Personally glad we didn't prioritise living for the now over owning. I wouldnt think someone who did was a failure. But those who earnt similar to me and had the ability to save a deposit like me when I bought but chose not to are definitely in a worse position than me now financially subject to inheritance or lottery wins. So I wouldnt think them financially astute. Plus actually we were able to holiday etc once we had gotten over the initial expense of saving then buying because our mortgage was so so much lower than rent. So actually we have been more able to live in the moment in the last decade overall compared with our friends who didn't buy.

I think that as you already had a child when you met your DH, secure housing should have been your no1 priority.

But you are in the lucky position of having a secure tenancy and I think you would be crazy to give that up.

I grew up in an overcrowded 2 bed council flat, I know how awful it is, but staying put and saving would definitely be the sensible thing to do.

There is a family like the OP living in the same street as my parents. They rent the house. They have 1 child. They have holidays overseas (think Disney), the house looks like ToysRUs (when they existed), the buy everything under the sun for their kids and say they can't afford to buy a home.

They say they can't save the deposit.

Given the cheapness of homes in the area, they must be spending the deposit they'd need every year on non-essentials.

I agree @HazyDragon . With the terrible state of the private rental market in the UK I think priority number one for everyone should be trying to obtain a secure roof over their heads. Not everyone will be able to buy but those who could really should in most circumstances.

@Foreveraskingquestions Maybe think ahead?

My very elderly aunt has £12Kpa as her sole income (state pension and half her late H's occupational pension.)

Her council tax is £2K pa (even as a single occupant), her utilities are around £3Kpa at the moment. That's not leaving much for everything else, including major stuff like boiler repairs, new washing machine if it goes bust, but at least she has some savings that will be enough as a top-up.

You are running a business, so presumably you can do the maths?

What are you putting away in pensions for your old age?

All this living hand to mouth, buying non essentials may be fine in your 30s, but you will come a cropper in later life unless you are banking (literally) on an inheritance from parents.

I mean to a certain extent could be some money mismanagement. It depends on location/the size of the property I suppose but many people would be shocked at someone paying £1k in rent as that could easily match their mortgage payments. I pay similar in rent and everyone is shocked. I’m young & live in a trendy city centre apartment with all amenities. For me, the high cost is worth it for the independence. Whereas others might be more comfortable being elsewhere and saving up. I’m not able to save much with my bills.

We have savings but not enough for a big deposit.

So how much would you need and how to get there?

Starting a business presumably means you are investing in it and giving up more secure work (or not?)

How can you risk the savings you have on a business that is not guaranteed to succeed?

What is Plan B?

I keep reading your first post and more things come to mind.

If the house you are going to rent now will be £1K and will be for 5 people, (3-beds?) you must surely live somewhere cheap already!

In my area, you can't even rent a 1-bed flat for £1K!

A 3-bed house would be closer to £2K a month in the grottiest part of the town.

You mention moving north, but you must be in a cheap area already.

But you’re not the op. Who already had a child and they had 30 grand in savings. Which went on holidays and fun. Now they’ve have another two kids, are over crowded and going to give up a secure low cost tenancy to a private rental 4 bed house, a private rental today that costs a grand and they will be lucky if their rent is less than 1400 in two years. That’s if the company who owns them doesn’t decide to divest.

the rental market has shrunk 30 percent. With landlords selling up. Many folks are finding with the increases and shortages they are being priced out. Housing association properties are like hens teeth. Folks waiting years or in bed and breakfast hostel type accommodation, or forced to move out the region.

so it’s not about what you did In your child free twenties. It’s about the op and her circumstances now.

I have moved 17 times over the last 20 years OP. Two of those were through my absolutely own choice - the first one when I moved city and the most recent one to a larger house with a bit more guaranteed stability) and the rest were as follows, in no particular order:

• Landlords selling ( one died and their kids took over and sold for their inheritance money, others retired, one pulled the rug after giving it all the big talk of not looking to sell for 5 years at LEAST and others just plain sold up).
• Flat mates moving out times x 3
• Rent raised well beyond my means at the time x 2
• Landlord deciding to renovate/move back in x 1
• Roof caving in with water pissing in all winter and landlord doing fuck all x 1
• Chronic mould issue that made us all acutely unwell/hospitalised and landlord doing fuck all x 1
• Divorce when DH decided to leave me (couldn't afford house on own) x 1

I would have murdered for an HA house or the opportunity to pay cheap as shit rent so I could save and have ANY kind of stability. I have never paid less than £625 and that was for a shit bedsit. Even now with our landlady being incredibly sweet and promising years long rental, I have been burnt before.

There is ZERO stability in private rentals and they are at least 50 x overpriced for what they are, What were you thinking????

My son moved to Hull, taking a £8.5k pay cut so he could buy a property. He bought a 2 bed terrace but his mortgage is only about £300 pcm on a 5 year fix. You could buy a nice 3-4 bed property there for under £700 pcm.

This is a stark reality by the way from my childhood, where my parents bought a house for 90k and we never moved or even considered it. That house sold for £295k and was most recently on the market for £325k.

This whole system is fucked, and skewed in a way to keep the poor and the lower classes poor.

If your business is 'selling stuff' why can't you move somewhere cheaper? There is usually a market for most things across the country.

You said you needed storage space for the goods you sell.

Is this now your sole income or are you both working in other jobs as well?

Have you got a business plan? Investment, sales, profit and loss, 5 year projection of what you will earn?

If you are serious about setting up a business as a means of income and you want to buy a house at some point, you both need to see a good financial advisor and get some advice.

This whole system is fucked, and skewed in a way to keep the poor and the lower classes poor

Well, tbf, the system didn't make her blow a house deposit on holidays.

Some of the responses here are so harsh. We all make choices, and travelling made you happy at the time. Every period in life has its ups and downs, you don't need to be embarrassed, that's crazy talk! You will be fine and I can’t see that your FIL shamed you in any way.

Yes noone who has 30k savings is poor so she at the very least wasn't poor then

I hate the stigma that anywhere "up north" is cheap!!

None of us can have it all, sacrifices have to be made and living for the now is fine but then don't complain when you struggle later.

FourTeaFallOut · Yesterday 19:44
This whole system is fucked, and skewed in a way to keep the poor and the lower classes poor.

This is silly, If you have 30 K in your 20s you are NOT poor and have choices millions would love to have.

I think you're absolutely mad to leave a HA for private rental.

Agreed. Looking at you, York!

Rents where I live are high as there's very few houses up for rent and the demand has increased rents. It's a shame so many families are in this situation. But you seem to have thought it all through and having space for your family is important.

Is the benefits cap over £1,000 for private rental ? ie if you both lost your jobs or became unwell would the government keep you housed ? That would be my initial concern about switching