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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist people bring their own food to a family picnic?

239 replies

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 11:53

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 07/04/2023 18:11

That's a bit cheeky of them. Glad you stood your ground. Whenever we do a family picnic we all bring our own food.

MrsWeasley · 07/04/2023 18:30

I would just say ‘ looking forward to seeing lots of you at (whatever time). Remember to bring your own lunch and maybe a little extra to share.’ Pack something extra to share ( breadsticks, crisps or biscuits) and you are done.

Kittenmitten22 · 07/04/2023 18:52

Christ! I'd be telling them to politely sod off! Why should you be the one to make it all?

When we get together with the in laws, a lot of the time we all bring our own food, or at least bits to add to what the mil or fil is cooking. Picnics are most definitely a bring your own!

Especially as our sil is vegan so affectionately known as the 'fussy one' lol, even in her own words. Also we have young kids, so it just makes sense to all contribute!

Magicmama92 · 07/04/2023 19:02

In our family everyone brings a few items that way everyone contributes.
We sort out what everyone's bringing and those who are struggling get cheaper items or something that can be cooked or baked cheaper than being bought.
I don't think it's ok for one person to do it all especially if a lot are coming everyone should chip in. I would say that whilst you enjoy cooking you'd prefer it if everyone contributes so it's not all on you

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 07/04/2023 19:24

You could have easily feed loads with little money , quiches are a inexpensive way , bacon eggs , cheese vegetables and you can make 2 huge ones using cake tins , tortilha is another way . Scottish eggs , mini sausage rolls , crisps potato salad ( lidl has big one did you don’t want to do it ) . Vegetables as baby tomatoes , cucumber . Fruit as melon , strawberry are all good for picnics and very cheap drinks vem for 12

KirstenBlest · 07/04/2023 19:36

@Mumwomansisterdaughter , the ingredients for those isn't 'little money'.

Sierra26 · 07/04/2023 20:02

Nothing wrong with a meal deal in the park! Means everyone eats what they want and within their means

ZIEVAR · 07/04/2023 20:09

I've got to ask. What does C.F. mean? Canadian Forces. I am sure it can't be Close Friends

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 07/04/2023 20:10

KirstenBlest · 07/04/2023 19:36

@Mumwomansisterdaughter , the ingredients for those isn't 'little money'.

It is divided by 12 , you can buy all of it with £25

viques · 07/04/2023 20:38

TheFlis12345 · 06/04/2023 11:56

I would get everyone to agree a budget per head they are happy to pay in advance, and do it on the agreement that it is someone else’s turn next time, and stick to that.

It’s tomorrow! By the time everyone has agreed the budget ( but my kids don’t eat as much as your kids so I am not going to pay as much for them etc etc etc) half won’t have got their act together to pay, more will say they aren’t sure they are coming so will pay on the day and either not turn up or conveniently forget their cash………..

Stand firm OP, take your own picnic. Those that don’t turn up with food can make a mercy dash to the nearest Greggs!

viques · 07/04/2023 20:40

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 07/04/2023 19:24

You could have easily feed loads with little money , quiches are a inexpensive way , bacon eggs , cheese vegetables and you can make 2 huge ones using cake tins , tortilha is another way . Scottish eggs , mini sausage rolls , crisps potato salad ( lidl has big one did you don’t want to do it ) . Vegetables as baby tomatoes , cucumber . Fruit as melon , strawberry are all good for picnics and very cheap drinks vem for 12

All well and good, but why should the OP be the one to pay up front, trek round the supermarket to buy stuff then lug it all to the park?

WheelsUp · 07/04/2023 20:43

ZIEVAR · 07/04/2023 20:09

I've got to ask. What does C.F. mean? Canadian Forces. I am sure it can't be Close Friends

Cheeky Fucker(s)

KirstenBlest · 07/04/2023 20:45

Not to mention cook the quiches. You'd have the cooker on for bout an hour.

MyopicBunny · 07/04/2023 20:51

You sound very kind and reasonable and there is no way that I'd expect one person to provide a picnic for my family and everyone else's. I have never attended a picnic where people didn't bring their own food 🤷🏻‍♀️

BlueBunting · 07/04/2023 20:54

Well done for setting them straight. They really don’t give a shit about you and want to use you for everything. Well done.

Hellybelly84 · 07/04/2023 21:10

Picnic with family or friends-everyone brings food to share (or own food if anyone is fussy e.g.kids). How difficult is it to just say everyone bring a different item-quiche, crisps, salad, dips etc. Picnics are meant to be easy and fuss free. Just take what you want and ignore the ridiculous demands for you to do it all. If theres not enough food, they will learn for next time! 😀

ThereIbledit · 07/04/2023 21:27

You just know that half of them are going to no show and not pay, don't you.

YANBU. If MIL thinks one person should cater for all, she can bloody well do it.

Solonge · 07/04/2023 21:32

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 11:53

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

Why are you the one expected to do all the work? Your family are very cheeky! Everyone should bring their own food…my friend having a birthday bash soon and this is the only way she can afford a party….no one complained. I would suggest speaking to the person who passed the comment about it sounding like a meal deal in the park to take over preparing the food as you dont have the time!

SheilaFentiman · 07/04/2023 21:47

People, the picnic happened (or didn’t!) today.

Original poster
moosmum21 · 07/04/2023 21:50

Peachy2005 · 07/04/2023 18:02

ooh come back and tell us how it went @moosmum21

Update: Picnic was lovely. Everyone aside from MIL brought enough of their own food and some to share.

MIL brought small amount of food, moaned about people bringing food to share because that "wasn't the plan", and asked to "try a bit" of almost everything that other families brought.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 07/04/2023 21:59

Thank you for updating!

So MIL moaned about the sharing food and then… shared food!?!

glad it went mostly smoothly

Peachy2005 · 07/04/2023 22:14

Thanks for the update @moosmum21

She sounds like a bit of a trouble-maker, your MIL…you’ll be ready for her next time she volunteers you for something 😂

WitheredandOld · 07/04/2023 22:23

Good for you for standing up for yourself. Your MIL sounds unpleasant

AgrathaChristie · 07/04/2023 22:37

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Everyone brings their own food or everyone brings a dish. As well as splitting the cost they should split the work too.

rainbowlou · 07/04/2023 22:44

I’m glad it went well, your mil sounds like my mum!
Years ago I did a picnic for my son’s birthday, I made enough (plus more) for everyone and couldn’t think of anymore sandwich/salad/drink etc choices.
Well never again, the moaning from adult relatives that they didn’t like this, there wasn’t the crisps they like, why did I include coleslaw/not bring beers…honestly not worth the stress, so bollocks would I host another one if someone else actually volunteered me for it.