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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To insist people bring their own food to a family picnic?

239 replies

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 11:53

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 06/04/2023 17:11

Well done, @moosmum21 !

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 17:12

WhiteBloatus · 06/04/2023 15:41

missing the point I know, but what were you doing going round making Christmas cakes for everyone just because a relative told you to!

It's a valid point. Since the Christmas Cake Incident I've realised that my tendency to people-please to avoid conflict and crippling fear of being criticised are all trauma responses and I am in therapy to address this. Unsurprisingly I'm surrounded by CFs because I've been a CF-magnet.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 06/04/2023 17:14

Grin @SinnerBoy
It was 8 degrees in Whitley Bay last Sunday, and there were people paddling in the sea!

Good answer @moosmum21

Unsurprisingly I'm surrounded by CFs because I've been a CF-magnet.

Wow, this resonates with so many threads on mumsnet.

MegaClutterSlut · 06/04/2023 17:33

Sod that, when ever I've arranged a family picnic its either bring your own food or each bring something to share. Normally its something to share and we just let each other know on the group chat what we're all bringing. No way would I do all the cooking

SheilaFentiman · 06/04/2023 18:04

Well done OP!

JingsMahBucket · 06/04/2023 19:11

The fact they would rather not share any food speaks volumes @moosmum21...

JudgeRudy · 06/04/2023 19:20

I wouldn't take responsibility for a large picnic unless l was the host and it was my 'gift' so to speak
There are several options
Each person brings their own food (meal deal in the park)
Each person brings a specific dish (mum does sandwiches, you bake some scones etc)
Someone else agrees to be caterer...you agree a budget beforehand

I think you're correct that some folk may baulk when you tell them you're owed £15.

WhatToDo2023 · 06/04/2023 19:34

Fuck that. Absolute twats!!!

avocadotofu · 06/04/2023 19:35

Well done OP, the fact they don't want to share any food says a lot!

DelphiniumBlue · 06/04/2023 19:51

KirstenBlest · 06/04/2023 12:02

A friend loves picnics and the usual arrangement is that everybody brings something to share.

Yes, normally people bring things to share. People can cater for their own dietary requirements and just make a bit extra for everyone else. Don't even entertain catering for everyone unless you want to.
If you really would prefer to provide the whole picnic, then get £ upfront - you can easily send a text saying you will shop and cook for anyone who pays a set amount by a given time. But someone will argue the toss, saying they could have done it cheaper/better, so you'd be on a hiding to nothing!

JudgeJ · 06/04/2023 20:13

JingsMahBucket · 06/04/2023 19:11

The fact they would rather not share any food speaks volumes @moosmum21...

If I were the OP I would make damn sure that my own picnic wasn't exceptional too,otherwise all the people who 'don't want to share' will be like bees round a honey pot, 'Oh don't be selfish, be kind, let us have some of your lovely food'.

Curseofthenation · 06/04/2023 20:35

Nice work! Well done!

MeridianB · 06/04/2023 21:47

Doubly well done, OP, especially in light of your last post.

Hopefully your DH can help protect you more from his CF mother and sisters.

SnacksToTheMax · 06/04/2023 21:50

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a picnic where people didn’t bring food to share - we always pool everything and it becomes a communal buffet.

RampantIvy · 06/04/2023 21:52

SnacksToTheMax · 06/04/2023 21:50

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a picnic where people didn’t bring food to share - we always pool everything and it becomes a communal buffet.

I don't think I have ever been to a picnic where all the food was shared. At the last picnic I went to we just brought and ate our own food.

FragranceFree · 06/04/2023 22:35

No wonder you are better off than them, they sound lazy. I think the CCI was your first red flag.

SinnerBoy · 07/04/2023 01:59

RampantIvy

It was 8 degrees in Whitley Bay last Sunday, and there were people paddling in the sea!

There are every day of the year, except when it's really rough. My daughter did the New Year's Day Dip in 2021, but that cured her of the idea!

cherish123 · 07/04/2023 16:25

Re-iterate everyone should bring their own. Bring your own and cakes or biscuits to share.

Arniesleftleg · 07/04/2023 16:36

@AmandaHoldensLips I thought that. I always just assumed that if invited to a picnic, barbecue, drink at someones house that you took something with you. I'd feel odd if I turned up empty handed.

Imisssleep2 · 07/04/2023 16:56

If not bringing your own packed lunches then regardless of route of who pays people need to confirm if they are or arent coming for numbers, none of the tentative lark. If you feel in a position to do it and charge a modest amount after that then do it, or maybe suggest everyone brings a different dish/food then everyone contributes, thats how my dad does barbeques, he does meat but will designate salad, desserts etc to others

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 07/04/2023 17:02

As others have said if you cave this time it will be expected every other time. Why should you do all the work? Def everyone brings their own picnic and I would probably if i had time and could be arsed make some cupcakes to share.

yogacushions · 07/04/2023 17:27

Hey OP @moosmum21 , you know they aren’t gonna bring enough food for their families and rely on yours, don’t you ?

I’d eat first then just take snacks and fruit cake but I am a bitch.

report back !

FinallyHere · 07/04/2023 17:29

Unsurprisingly I'm surrounded by CFs because I've been a CF-magnet.

@moosmum21

Anytime is is good time to realise this, well done. You life will get better and better from now on.

orangeflags · 07/04/2023 17:47

They can just pick up a Meal deal for themselves

Peachy2005 · 07/04/2023 18:02

ooh come back and tell us how it went @moosmum21