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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist people bring their own food to a family picnic?

239 replies

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 11:53

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

OP posts:
Doubletroublemummy2 · 07/04/2023 23:12

Ask what everyone is happy to spend per person. Ask them to send the money then cater accordingly

Merlin3189 · 08/04/2023 00:28

I thought everyone did "bring your own" at picnics. Parents bring food for their own young children, but adults and older children prepare their own food. I usually carry my own household's food in my large rucksack, other households carry their own. I might share a packet of biscuits or a bottle of water if I had excess, and we'd probably(!) take pity on someone who's not brought anything, provided they don't make a habit of it, but otherwise, it's a lesson in self-reliance!

Loudhousefun · 08/04/2023 05:27

Tell your MIL to do it, is she always this bossy and entitled?

creamyterror · 08/04/2023 08:03

moosmum21 · 07/04/2023 21:50

Update: Picnic was lovely. Everyone aside from MIL brought enough of their own food and some to share.

MIL brought small amount of food, moaned about people bringing food to share because that "wasn't the plan", and asked to "try a bit" of almost everything that other families brought.

Show quote history

Expect MIL was a little embarrassed by not bringing a bit extra. Well done on sticking to the plan. Can't imagine anyone thinking it's ok to get one person in a family to do all the catering even if they do love cooking, we used dot do similar and to avoid fuss and get everyone to come along - we'd offer to cater but no one would allow it - thankfully!

KirstenBlest · 08/04/2023 09:26

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 07/04/2023 19:24

You could have easily feed loads with little money , quiches are a inexpensive way , bacon eggs , cheese vegetables and you can make 2 huge ones using cake tins , tortilha is another way . Scottish eggs , mini sausage rolls , crisps potato salad ( lidl has big one did you don’t want to do it ) . Vegetables as baby tomatoes , cucumber . Fruit as melon , strawberry are all good for picnics and very cheap drinks vem for 12

You could not buy enough of that for 12 for £25 unless the portions were tiny and went for the cheapest prices. Assuming that scottish eggs are scotch eggs, a pack of 2 is £0.89 and you'd need at least 2 packs. Sausage rolls would be about £1.55, melon would be £2, strawberries £2, pasta salad £1.10, baby tomatoes £1, cucumber £0.79, bacon £1.45, eggs £1.50, flour £0.58, milk £0.95, lard £0.42 ...crisps & drinks - depends on brand and how many.

T1Dmama · 08/04/2023 11:50

Good for you. Next time, as soon as the message comes through asking if you fancy meeting up for a picnic/BBQ or whatever, either state straight away that yes you’d love to attend but don’t want to be doing more work than anyone else as this simply isn’t fair! So happy to attend and bring my own again but don’t want to host. Thanks

Munchies7 · 08/04/2023 13:57

I'd meet half way and prepare things I like preparing. Then send a group message listing what else needs to be brought along - crisps, sausages, fruit, things that can be easily picked up enroute

CaptainCorellisBagpipes · 08/04/2023 14:11

Loudhousefun · 08/04/2023 05:27

Tell your MIL to do it, is she always this bossy and entitled?

Yeeessss ! 😃

FinallyHere · 08/04/2023 14:42

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 07/04/2023 19:24

You could have easily feed loads with little money , quiches are a inexpensive way , bacon eggs , cheese vegetables and you can make 2 huge ones using cake tins , tortilha is another way . Scottish eggs , mini sausage rolls , crisps potato salad ( lidl has big one did you don’t want to do it ) . Vegetables as baby tomatoes , cucumber . Fruit as melon , strawberry are all good for picnics and very cheap drinks vem for 12

Well, maybe you could but why encourage someone to volunteer your Labour?

Why? Let them volunteer themselves, not you.

anon666 · 08/04/2023 20:30

Agree with you, don't do it.

The minute you expect people to chip in, at least one of them will get resentful and passive aggressive about it all. It's horrific.

We did this on a family holiday and it nearly split the family up.

There's a reason MIL isn't doing it herself

Knittingsavesme · 08/04/2023 22:55

Why don’t you make a list of items and send it out, asking people to put their name against the item they’d like to bring?

WheelsUp · 08/04/2023 23:47

The picnic has already happened.

Macmeme · 09/04/2023 10:27

Yanbu. Surely picnic works that you all individually take picnics (as a family unit or whatever) or you roughly agree who will take what (I’m bringing crisps and dips, scotch eggs whatever)

mustgetoffmn · 10/04/2023 09:36

Xiaoxiong · 06/04/2023 12:09

@ColadhSamh has it - this also solves the problem of the tentative guest list.

What's MIL proposing about half the guest list being tentative?

We had a strange situation years ago where we went to a park picnic birthday party so I packed a pretty nice picnic for our family plus brought some grapes and strawberries to contribute. I had checked in advance, just bring your own food and picnic rug I was told. When we got there we were the only family to have brought any food or drinks at all, including the birthday family who had brought cake and nothing else! We ended up sharing our picnic for 4 around about 10 extra kids and adults. Very weird experience.

Moral of story don’t bring food out straight away. Then let it sink into groups head that no one has brought food to a picnic. I’m gobsmacked

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