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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To insist people bring their own food to a family picnic?

239 replies

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 11:53

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

OP posts:
WhiteBloatus · 06/04/2023 15:41

missing the point I know, but what were you doing going round making Christmas cakes for everyone just because a relative told you to!

RampantIvy · 06/04/2023 15:42

Where are you where it will be fine enough for a picnic tomorrow?

Goldbar · 06/04/2023 15:45

Just say no.

Alternatively, if you don't mind catering, say "Dear all, happy to do the prep for a picnic but you will need to transfer me £15 per family group in advance, which I will use to buy the following...bread, cheese, cold meats, some soft drinks, crisps....etc. With cost of living, we can't pay for everyone unfortunately but here's my account details if this suits. If not, maybe let's organise something else like a coffee in the park and everyone buys their own".

Beelezebub · 06/04/2023 15:46

Either tell them no (cheeky fuckers!) OR say you’ll do food and only provide fruit cake….

FinallyHere · 06/04/2023 15:50

my MIL suggested that I prepare it

Who is she to volunteer your time ?

Or object to your very sensible suggestion that you all bring something to share.

It's not really about the food, is it? Don't get stuck catering for a group. Much more fun for everyone to bring their own.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 06/04/2023 15:53

Beelezebub · 06/04/2023 15:46

Either tell them no (cheeky fuckers!) OR say you’ll do food and only provide fruit cake….

Ooooooh! Nice one.

Instructionmanual · 06/04/2023 15:54

"Hi everyone. Just to clarify, we're not doing a picnic tomorrow, we're doing a meal in the park. So please bring your own lunch." 😅

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 06/04/2023 16:00

Beelezebub · 06/04/2023 15:46

Either tell them no (cheeky fuckers!) OR say you’ll do food and only provide fruit cake….

Oh THIS is genius 🤣🤣🤣

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 16:00

Beelezebub · 06/04/2023 15:46

Either tell them no (cheeky fuckers!) OR say you’ll do food and only provide fruit cake….

This is my favourite answer, thank you for the laugh!

OP posts:
Myogapants · 06/04/2023 16:03

Your MIL sounds bonkers.

poetryandwine · 06/04/2023 16:08

One problem with asking people to transfer money ahead of time is, what if only some people do? They will be expecting nice food from OP, and I don’t think she will have much chance of getting money out of the others. To keep this from setting a bad precedent she will need to be prepared to put her foot down next time. Because there will be a next time.

SheilaFentiman · 06/04/2023 16:11

Completely agree that it’s too late and too unreliable for OP to get money or commitments to bring dishes from others.

Everyone brings their own, with maybe some crisps or cake to share, and next time, people can be more organised.

Daisybee6 · 06/04/2023 16:18

There's not a fucking chance I'd do everything myself because they can't be bothered themselves

Bellaphant · 06/04/2023 16:21

They are mad, op. We are having a picnic tomorrow, four families: my parents are cooking nuggets/making coleslaw/providing drinks, condiments etc as it's at theirs. My beother is bringing some specific food for his family who have allergies. I'm bringing a cheeseboard/nice ham/some picky bits.

SinnerBoy · 06/04/2023 16:23

*Mirabai · Today 13:03

- - 😂 15 degrees = picnic in a coat. - -

Currently 12 degrees in London.

If it's 8° and a clear sky, there will be teenagers playing footie without tops, in Newcastle!

Lovelyring · 06/04/2023 16:24

I've never been to a picnic where I didn't take my own food.

If one person catered I'd see it as a party / event they were hosting and not expect to pay unless that was made clear upfront.

I wouldn't do it if I were you.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 06/04/2023 16:26

Tell mil that you'll happily cater. (As you've said you don't mind the cooking part), however she has to buy the food. But if she only turns up with crisps and sausage rolls then thats all they get. Cheeky sod's

Maddy128 · 06/04/2023 16:29

To me “we are going for a picnic” means everyone brings their own picnic and everyone eats together, people all usually bring bits to share but essentially you’re responsible for your own main food. No one person caters for a picnic.

2Rebecca · 06/04/2023 16:33

I wouldn't cater as they are CFs. Even if I enjoyed cooking I wouldn't want unappreciative people taking advantage like this.
Only small children get to go on picnics and have their parents (usually mummy) make everything. Grown ups have to share the jobs and cost

WheelsUp · 06/04/2023 16:42

Yanbu

I wouldn't do the accepting money beforehand thing because you know that some people are going to moan about petty crap like their family didn't each as much as another family or the items you picked weren't to their liking. (I've read threads on here about mature cheddar cheese being a taste that is strong for kids)

By bringing stuff for your own family then there's no griping about details like what strangers consider enough food for a picnic or that you brought walkers rather than monster munch etc

I agree with you about the danger of becoming the family caterer at every event. You don't want to be shouldering cost, time and complaints when you don't magically cook what every one else wants for pennies.

Curseofthenation · 06/04/2023 16:46

Has it been radio silence all day OP? Interested to know if the whole thing ends up not happening because these CFs can't be arsed to bring their own food!

Schnooze · 06/04/2023 16:50

so what has been decided?

Comii9 · 06/04/2023 16:57

Wingedharpy · 06/04/2023 12:02

Go to the pub instead - on your own.

This

moosmum21 · 06/04/2023 17:01

Curseofthenation · 06/04/2023 16:46

Has it been radio silence all day OP? Interested to know if the whole thing ends up not happening because these CFs can't be arsed to bring their own food!

I returned to them and said I wouldn't be making a picnic. I clarified that whilst I enjoy cooking, I want people to ask if I'm available, set a budget for me to work with and pay me that in advance, and give me more than a day's notice.

I said we could either bring our own food + something to share, we could set a budget per head, they could transfer me £x in advance, and I'd pick up some bits, or we could go somewhere for food.

After much repetition of "Well, I'm easy/not bothered either way what does everyone else want to do?", the consensus is that everyone will bring their own food without bringing a dish to share.

OP posts:
cstaff · 06/04/2023 17:07

They have realised that you are not going to be a good little girl and make their life easy by doing everything - so now they are not bothered....as that might mean that they have to do something. CFs