To insist people bring their own food to a family picnic?

[moosmum21]

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

"I don't have the time to prepare for all at this short notice. We will bring a picnic for ourselves and others can do the same if they wish"

They're taking the pure piss there, OP!

Not only do they want you to do all of the work but they want you to have to divvy the costs up and then chase people for it?!!

Fuck THAT!!

This isn't real. No one is this much of a mug. OP is their bitch basically and I don't believe a person out there would just meekly make a picnic for everyone.

Your mil and sils are cf. Surely you can see that? It seeks they use the fact that you are moderately better off financially is used to make you a skivvy. I wouldn't bother going op but if for the sake of family relationship you want to, tell them all to bring their own family's food and one thing to share. If they pushback which they will tell them you'll be at the park at x time so will be nice to see them but you've going to go to a cafe for lunch instead.

Can you not just say you can’t prepare a picnic without knowing for certain how many people to cater for? That’s not just economics, it’s about avoiding food waste.

And the agreed budget would also factor in the OP's time in providing what they're too lazy to provide themselves.
Personally I would make my own picnic and enjoy eating it when others haven't bothered. Some people are perpetual takers.

A BYO food, drinks and chair to a picnic is pretty usual.
I would stick to that. It makesfuture picnics easier.

Otherwise.... You could consider each bringing your own sandwiches or savoury and also bringing a cake or sweet or fruit to share.
Or meeting at a BBQ and one family bringing sauce and bread, another caulslaw, another onion and everyone bringing their own meat, plates, chairs, drinks and a cake to share.

For a big extended family picnic i would suggest everyone bring a dish. If you were the organiser I would prepare a few dishes. Unfair to expect you to do it all.

I'd wait until I had a head count, ask everyone to put in a tenner per head and then go to an M&S or similar and buy everything I needed in one go. Saves the problem of everyone just bringing crisps.

I wouldn't mind doing that as it's relatively low effort. What I wouldn't do is be up all night making muslin covered potato salads for a thankless audience.

Oh don't be ridiculous. OP is perfectly within her rights not to do it, but if she does agree you don't charge family (or friends) for the time involved in preparing a meal for them.

I'd take a glorious picnic just for me. Lazy cows

Let’s look at the words used…
MIL WANTS to walk in the park and go out somewhere
SIL doesn’t WANT to spend money
MIL WANTS you to buy everything and prepare it and bring it.
You DON’T WANT TO.
Tell them this. It’s absolutely okay to say

“No, I don’t want to spend my weekend doing all that. I’m perfectly happy to go out for lunch or you prepare your own lunches and bring them. I’ll go along with whatever you decide between you two. Let me know by this afternoon. Thanks, @moosmum21 “

Whatever you do make sure you've got written evidence! A separate WhatsApp group is a good idea. I do this as the person who always does the catering-doing a picnic for 20 is genuinely my idea of a perfect way to spend a day! So I ask a week before about new allergies and dislikes (with a hard deadline for replies) then work out costs and then let everybody know how much they need to chip in a couple of days before. It's never much per person, and if somebody doesn't/can't pay then I let it pass.

BUT. This is all in the context of me being more than happy to do it. In your case, OP, I'd just say "Hey, meal deal in the park sounds good to me! See you all tomorrow." Making sure that everyone sees the message.

No way! I would probably just say you couldn’t go, hope they have fun.

Why do your family think you're their slave?

Each family caters for themselves. By far the best way since so many people have food intolerances, allergies, strong preferences and irrational hatreds. We've had lovely picnics (in summer) in beautiful locations but no way would I do this if I couldn't rely on the other participants to cater for their group properly, nor if my MIL had decided I was going to do all the catering - the nerve!

OP, you should simply say that you are not going to prepare food and let the group move on to a collective plan B. It is not your job to come up with the Plan B.Your suggestion should just be one if many.

It does not really as though this group really wants a picnic if it involves any effort on the part of all of the individuals involved.

Two options occur to me:

1. Everyone brings a dish to share. This could be a shop bought pork pie, cheese board, chips and dip, bread and pâté or a homemade salad.
2. If you genuinely don’t mind prepping everything, you do it, but agree a budget and get the money upfront - “Can everyone please transfer me £x per adult and £x per child and I’ll bring everything.”

I can't see this working with so many CFs involved. The only way I'd do it is (as someone suggested on page 1, I think) to collect money upfront & then buy supermarket stuff. I wouldn't make anything for them.

But I'd expect problems: some people will object & argue, won't pay upfront, will say they'll give you the money on the day & then not pay, will say they didn't like what you bought & demand their money back (even if they've eaten their share), will take more than their share, will complain that they didn't get their money's worth, will accuse you of making a profit out of them, etc.

And this doesn't even take into account the tentative guest list. So I'd say it's not worth doing.

BTW, don't let them use the Christmas Cake Incident as some kind of emotional blackmail, i.e. if you refuse to cater now, it's because you're holding a grudge. It's not holding a grudge, it's recognising what CFs they are, willing to waste your time & money. Once bitten, twice shy.

MIL and both SILs are CFs! Who volunteers somoene else to to bear the cost and time of prepping a quantity of food for a mystery number of guests who couldn't be assed to help.

This is not going to end well. I would recommend:

a) prep food for you, DH and kids and advise others to do the same
b) go for walk and pub - those who don't want to eat out can go home
c) do something completely different and let your ILs deal with the drama

Hmm sounds like mil, sil1 and sil2 have really definite ideas about what the picnic should be, best if they take care of it that way no one is disappointed. And maybe you have a "migraine" and aren't able to make it after all, but perhaps you have just enough energy to get a nice takeaway, after which I bet you'll be feeling up to a relaxing walk sans in-laws.

Don't cook for them.

Also, the idea of you doing it all and others giving you money with never work.

Those that do show will claim they didn't like x or y and no contributions will materialise. I'd exit this spotlight asap, OP.

Admittedly haven't RTFT but I wonder if the wording could be rejigged to sound a bit more festive. Instead of everyone bringing their own packed lunch, phrase it more like everyone bring a dish they love/snacks they love, etc., so it's more like a pot luck style picnic rather than the idea of everyone sat there with their own individual tupperwares 😄
It definitely doesn't strike me as unusual for a picnic to involve everyone bringing something along to contribute. I've not actually heard of a group picnic that was entirely catered by one person, now I think about it. I always think of them as quite communal activities.

@moosmum21
Do not prepare a picnic for everyone!

Just message them all saying "as we aren't sure on numbers can everyone just sort themselves out please"

Get some Tupperware and do a box each for your family members but don't end up catering for everyone leaving yourself out of pocket!

I wouldn’t get into prepping and asking for money. I’d say you are happy to bring for own family. Everyone do same. It’s a bit short notice to co ordinate everyone brings a dish. To meal deal in park complaint say up to you if you buy or make. Making a picnic for everyone is a lot of expense and work.

Not ridiculous at all unless you're a fan of doormats. The in-laws are trying to use the OP as a catering service and if that's what they want then they pay for it, otherwise let them employ an outside caterer to save their lazy hides from having to do anything.
Best plan is that everyone takes their own though.