To insist people bring their own food to a family picnic?

[moosmum21]

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

Create a family group and in there everyone get told what to bring. That is what we do, when someone in the family wants a picnic.

However, the mandatory list used, needs to be cheap and everyone else who wants more will need to bring it themselves.

Erm- these are you in laws? Where is your DH in all this? Why isn't he dealing with his family- bring your own stuff and let him deal with them!

Why are you the default caterer?
if SIL and MIL want a picnic, tell them they can organise it. You’re happy to bring a dish but can’t cater for the whole family

God they sound exhausting. I'd defer to MIL for my own sanity and say that a walk followed by a meal after sounds great if that's what she fancies.

How fucking difficult is it to stop at the nearest supermarket for something to share, or make a small pack-up at home? The sort of conversation OP is describing would suck the joy out of the event for me before I'd even left the house.

Everyone should bring a dish to share. I wouldn't be catering for these people they don't sound very appreciative

To me the whole point of a picnic is you bring something to share, not just your own sandwich. It’s not a fucking buffet. Nor an Edwardian pheasant shoot. And stuff making 3 quiches and having anything between 2-25 people show up.

I’m getting very annoyed on your behalf and I think I would go to a completely different park!

It's forecast to be 15 degrees and sunny in the South tomorrow.

The SIL who suggested it should be doing the food.

Tell everyone to bring their own food as you don't have the time or finance to cater for everyone.

Alternatively you could message to say you will make sandwiches but could SIL1 bring sausage rolls, SIL2 crisps etc etc. Although you then run the risk of only sandwiches being at the picnic.

Why do you even want to see these awful people? They treat you like your Cinderella and the SILs are the evil stepsisters. I hope Prince Charming was worth his parasitic family.

I think shit sandwiches, squashed sausage rolls and a multi pack is pretty much the classic picnic. This sounds like a success to me!

😂 15 degrees = picnic in a coat.

Currently 12 degrees in London.

A meal deal in the park with family sounds like a lovely (albeit chilly) way to spend an Easter weekend

Just go for the afternoon and take lots of delicious cake! They can bring their own drinks. Much nicer and much less hassle.

I had a lovely lunch alfresco yesterday. Not so much today 😆

I'd say no. I'd buy for myself and my family, but not for anyone else. SIL wanted the picnic, she can organise it. If you do it this time, they'll always default to you.

I'd "fake" a tummy bug and skip the whole thing.

Let DH take the kids - he can buy them a McD on the way.

Eh. Why is it your job and why on earth are you trying to figure it out? Get some stones man!

Tell them to piss off, sort themselves out or say you're not going.

Fuck that for a lark.

At a picnic everyone brings contributions to the whole, don’t they? One person isn’t expected to bring it all. I’ve never been to a picnic like that.

They sound cheeky and exhausting. Tell them to each bring one thing to share with all Make a list e.g Sandwiches, drinks pasta salad, cakes , crisps etc.

Well since it was SIL idea to do a picnic, she can be responsible for it surely? Stand firm OP, say “meal deal in the park it is then, looking forward to catching up”

Personally I would stick to guns but buy have a few sharing items which generally work out cheaper per item then the smaller boxes anyway such as strawberries, mini sausage rolls and crisps. Each family brings one of the sharing items.

Your not there to cater for everyone! Either they each bring a designated sharing dish organised in advance or they bring their own with a sharing item

SIL and MIL sound like right pieces of work.

SIL doesn’t want to pay to eat out but equally doesn’t want to pay for or prepare picnic food? She’s a right CF.

I would say “I’m happy to have a walk and eat at x cafe or for us all to bring our own food / and equal contribution. Just let me know which of those two options works. Or if you (SIL) prefer to bring the food for everyone”

“Our own food or an equal contribution” that should say

They are your in laws, and you didn't suggest the picnic so why are you even involved ?

Refer them to your DH for details.

I wouldn't even engage or do any catering.