To insist people bring their own food to a family picnic?

[moosmum21]

The extended family wants a picnic tomorrow, although half of the guest list is tentative. No one is willing to help buy or prepare anything for the picnic, so my MIL suggested that I prepare it, and we all split the bill equally.

Conscious that everyone is time and cash poor and not wanting to waste lots of food if half don’t show up, I suggested that we all prepare packed lunches for ourselves, which was met with a complaint: "That’s not a picnic; that’s a meal deal in a park”.
I know that if I were to prepare a picnic and split the cost of the ingredients equally amongst all the attendees as suggested, there would be bill shock and squabbling.
I could prepare the picnic and sink the cost, wholly or by charging a modest contribution fee. I enjoy cooking (no one else in the family does!), and we are moderately well off compared to the rest of the family – it’s not a huge imposition. But I don’t want to set up the expectation that I’ll just cater and pay for every barbecue, picnic, holiday, and party. I’m also still apparently holding a grudge over the Christmas cake incident (a family member stopped by when I was making a Christmas cake for my family, told me that she hoped I was making her one, and then insisted I’d have to make cakes for other family members, so they didn’t feel left out. She neglected to mention that no one in the family likes Christmas cake, so most of it was wasted!) AIBU to stick firm with the suggestion that we bring our own food? Or should I let go of the grudge, prepare a lovely picnic, and sink the cost so we can all have a peaceful day out?

I also agree with @Xiaoxiong - if you suggest one SIL brings quiche to share, one pizza etc, what’s the betting you are the only person bringing enough for all??

I known it's a bit of a boring MN post but presumably there are some of DH/FIL/BILs....

Every picnic I've been to with other people we all agree to bring something, like one person will bring a couple big salads, another sausage rolls, another a few different drink options and so on. So each of you bring a dish big enough to share.
Totally unreasonable for you to do all the prep then try and get money out of people, and if everyone only brings what they eat that's not very fun.
However, overall I'm impressed you think the weather will be nice enough for a picnic (if you live in the UK).

They are a bunch of CF!

Say, ‘ok then, if you don’t want a ‘meal deal in the park’, let’s meet at X for a walk at 11 and people who want to eat, can go to X restaurant afterwards and those who don’t, can just go straight home. We can all pay for ourselves that way.

No way would I be catering for everyone-it really sound like they’ll pay!

Sounds like SIL1 wants a day out but doesn't want to spend any money/can't afford to. Sounds like she might complain when you tell her what her share is? Or will end up not paying?

Can you not just have an afternoon in the park, so everyone has lunch at home beforehand. Find a park with a cafe or ice cream van for anyone that wants a treat.

Absolutely this. Alternatively would walk after lunch then coffee and cake if that’s more affordable for all?

Send out a message that says
"I don't mind catering but I hate wasting food and too many people are only saying a tentative yes rather than a firm yes, so if I cater then there could be loads of waste. If you are definitely coming then paypal/BACS me £10 per head for who will definitely be there, and I will make sure that is spent on a variety of lovely food and drink. Anyone who doesn't contribute money by 16:00 can obviously still come but needs to bring with them an apppropriate quantitiy of food/drink to contribute to what is on-offer, so that we aren't trying to share out food for 8 people between 16."

That way it's not a packed-lunch in the park, but anyone who wants to swing by without having paid in advance can bring an M&S tub of sausage rolls or antipasti and you won't run out of food.

Say you are staying out of it. You are happy to meet up and fit in with what everyone else wants to do - walk or walk followed by a meal - but you don't have time to cater for everyone and you don't want to get involved in any disagreements. They can let you know when they have decided when and where to meet and whether or not you should bring your own picnic or thermos of tea.

A picnic: Everybody prepares their own food and brings it to eat outside.
A meal deal in a park: When people who couldn't be bothered to prepare their own picnic stop off at tescos on the way.
Someone preparing all the food for other people's families to eat in the park: Just really cheeky.

YANBU, I’d cancel

Jog on MIL. Those who don't want to bring food can sort themselves out. What a cheek!

Don’t do this. Most stuff you eat at picnics you can just buy and cut up. The only thing you might want to make specifically is sandwiches.
I’m sure they could all pop to a shop and buy sausage rolls, crisps, a cake etc. not exactly hard.

This happens in my family, DB just expects my mum to cater for all which she does - even tho Sis and I bring stuff to share she over compensates for DB (who btw brings his own 3 kids, partner and partners 3 kids!) and turns up with nothing it drives me bonkers

Surely everyone just brings a thing - some sausage rolls, scotch eggs, a quiche, sandwiches, fruit, cheese and a few baguettes, and you have a picnic buffet type of thing. Every once can bring their own drinks. I wouldn’t expect to go on a picnic and have someone cater it unless it was a birthday party or something similar.

I can ju see them all agreeing to that promptly. Oh yes.

Everyone brings they're own they know what they like then there's less waste. It's not fair to expect one person to prepare food for everyone. Especially knowing the others probably won't pay up.

Or even just say ‘the kids and I are going to xxx and we’re going to bring a picnic. Feel free to bring your own picnic and join us’.

“Sorry don’t remotely have time to do that. We can all bring our own food, or alternatively, cancel”.

Either tell them £5 per head and get money up front or make them bring their own food. In the summer we regularly meet up with a group of friends and we all take food and just share. One takes chicken dippers, dips crisps, another takes mini sausages and quiche, another takes cupcakes and sausage rolls or mini pasties, etc. We all take 2 things but enough for all coming. Lazy ones take Pringles, and a sandwich platter, obviously bought and not made, but we don't care and we all enjoy it.

"Nah I'm not up for catering for everyone this time round. Happy with everyone bringing their own or going out somewhere, just let me know what you decide."

I don't think you need to beat around the bush here, they're not asking something reasonable.

Unless you’re in Morocco it’s too cold for a picnic anyway.

No is a full sentence op; why did you make a load of extra Christmas cakes? Stop being a mug

Rather than individual packed lunch , could you ask each person to bring something to the picnic and then that way it’s not just you contributing . I.e you bring sausages someone else brings sandwiches .

Stuff that. I'd say you don't want to cater for a large picnic and people either bring their own food or food to share or you eat out, although most venues will be busy. It's a "just say no" moment. Everyone else is saying no

It's hot enough for a picnic in Northern Australia...

I'm with all the sensible, normal, rational posters. Tell them to bring their own food. How long will it take them to make a few sandwiches for their own broods?