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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them to fuck off?

154 replies

gallina · 06/04/2023 08:22

Over the past year my partners family have been awful to me and said some vile things behind my back,

I had a miscarriage just before Christmas and they said I was lying about it because I didn't have a scan picture, as one example.

They are from abroad and want to visit within the next month. Partner has asked me to collect them from the train station as a taxi will be too expensive.

I've not been included in any plans, don't know exactly when they're coming and when he mentioned they were going to visit i told him I want nothing to do with it. He didn't even say please can I pick them up just can I.

Aibu to just tell the lot of them to fuck off? I don't want to see them at all.

OP posts:
Pollywoddles · 06/04/2023 08:25

I don’t think I could be with a man who allowed his family to do this and then tried to make me run around after them.

stonebrambleboy · 06/04/2023 08:27

Pollywoddles · 06/04/2023 08:25

I don’t think I could be with a man who allowed his family to do this and then tried to make me run around after them.

This.

StylishM · 06/04/2023 08:28

I think I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship. What did he say when his family said things about your pregnancy loss?

chipsandpeas · 06/04/2023 08:29

You have a DP problem he’s a prick

ExtraOnions · 06/04/2023 08:30

I agree with others, your partner sounds dreadful.

Just interested to know, how do you know what they have been saying, if it was said behind your back and not your face?

IncompleteSenten · 06/04/2023 08:30

Well he's a prince isn't he?
You are not being unreasonable at all.
Why does he let them treat you this way?
Does he treat you the same way?
Do you have anyone you can stay with while they are here? I'd refuse to be there if it was me.

IncompleteSenten · 06/04/2023 08:31

Oh yes. Good point. Who broke the sound barrier to come report to you?

Whattt44 · 06/04/2023 08:33

IncompleteSenten · 06/04/2023 08:31

Oh yes. Good point. Who broke the sound barrier to come report to you?

This , if it was your husband then he's a massive dick.

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 08:34

I am reconsidering it all, the difficulty is we have two young children.

I know it was said because he had been messaging them back whilst he was at work, and accidentally sent one of the messages to me about the gynaecology ward. When I saw him in person I asked what the hell was going on and that's when he told me about the scan picture and then saying some people lie. I told him from that point I was finished with them.

Since then I've also found out they said to him i am the worst of all his exs, and god knows what else.
He only told me that after a day of sulking telling me it was between him and his mother. He is absolutely unable to communicate and to be honest I'm sick of it all but as I said two young kids make it very difficult

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 06/04/2023 08:45

“God knows what else they have said” … so you don’t know what they have been saying, if anything.

This is mostly on your partners head, he should be the one telling his parents to mind their own Buisness - however I doubt they have formed any opinions apropos of nothing … he must be saying things them, that are leading them to form this opinion.

You have a weak partner, who is talking about you to their relatives, and then letting you know their negative opinions. Shit stirrer.

Whattt44 · 06/04/2023 08:48

Jeez, it's not easy when you have children but you should leave him, he's not really got your back, has he ?

Conkersinautumn · 06/04/2023 08:49

I think two young children make it more of a priority, they need minimal involvement with these people that will speak so bitterly and nastily about you so readily.

Nap1983 · 06/04/2023 08:51

Would I fuck collect them… dont be a doormat. Id be telling DP to go fuck himself also… im guessing he never challenged his family’s comments?

bitcharming · 06/04/2023 08:51

mate. you need to day you'll pick them up and then drive past waving 👋

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 08:53

I don't know how far he challenged them because he won't talk about it. Any discussion about them and he completely shuts down it's really strange.

They had an argument and didn't speak for a while, don't know what was said.

@bitcharming I would absolutely love this I'd give them a toot too 😂😂

OP posts:
Finalstar · 06/04/2023 08:54

I would tell him it's his family and therefore his responsibility - and that you are having nothing to do with them whatsoever.

Your partner sounds like a spineless sort - why on earth isn't he defending you against this nonsense?

tanstaafl · 06/04/2023 08:55

So he knows that you know what they’ve been saying.
And he’s asked if you’d be their free taxi (to) and from the airport.

The only, ONLY way I hope he’s asked you is because they’ll be apologising profusely to you on the journey.

otherwise, remind him you’re done with his family and it’s a NO for being their personal Addison Lee car.

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 08:57

The soft side of me is thinking be the bigger person, embarrass them, he hasn't seen them for 3 years due to covid and work commitments.

But the real me is thinking nah fuck you, and your mother.

He can't drive that's why he's asked me, the way I see it is that should be not involving me in their plans at all when they think so low of me.

I just need to get everything straight in my head before I respond. (Haven't seen him in person since he asked he's at work)

OP posts:
FizzyWineAndCrisps · 06/04/2023 08:57

Toxic in-laws are the worst. I would advise anyone starting out that if their potential in-laws are toxic to run and not get involved.
Once kids are involved it’s too late.
In my experience even if you manage to cut them off they carry on doing damage regardless. I’m sorry I don’t have any positive advise, I know what it’s like to have horrible in-laws.

GabriellaMontez · 06/04/2023 08:59

I read this "bigger person" a lot in here. I'm not exactly sure what it means.

I would say have some self respect and repeat to him, you'll be having nothing to do with them.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 06/04/2023 08:59

No fuck them, don't play taxi. Stick to your guns.

If there staying at yours I'd make them feel dead awkward or insist they stay in a hotel.

romdowa · 06/04/2023 08:59

I'd tell him that the walk will do them good 🤣

clpsmum · 06/04/2023 08:59

Pollywoddles · 06/04/2023 08:25

I don’t think I could be with a man who allowed his family to do this and then tried to make me run around after them.

This. Why are you with him??

Curseofthenation · 06/04/2023 09:02

Please do not pick these people up. It wouldn't make you a better person, it would make you a doormat.

You really should leave your husband too.

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 09:02

@clpsmum two young kids

We get along very well but this situation with his family and inability to communicate properly about it has got me feeling like I don't care if he fucks off too

OP posts:
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