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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them to fuck off?

154 replies

gallina · 06/04/2023 08:22

Over the past year my partners family have been awful to me and said some vile things behind my back,

I had a miscarriage just before Christmas and they said I was lying about it because I didn't have a scan picture, as one example.

They are from abroad and want to visit within the next month. Partner has asked me to collect them from the train station as a taxi will be too expensive.

I've not been included in any plans, don't know exactly when they're coming and when he mentioned they were going to visit i told him I want nothing to do with it. He didn't even say please can I pick them up just can I.

Aibu to just tell the lot of them to fuck off? I don't want to see them at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 14:55

Thank you for all the advice I appreciate it. Under no circumstances will I be leaving my babies with them. They're strangers to my kids.

It just gets better and better. He's just asked me again over the phone and I said we will discuss it in person, his response was well he is going to be at work. I said well why are they coming if you won't be at work, what are they going to do?

He replied what can they do during the day? I said I don't know we'll talk later in person

How fucking cheeky. Really trying to control my rage now. The lot of them can fuck off. If I had enough money I'd take the kids on a little holiday a couple hours away, but - maternity pay!

OP posts:
pussycatinfluffyslippers · 06/04/2023 14:55

Fraaahnces · 06/04/2023 13:44

Next thing I would be doing is a prohibited steps order to ensure that no passports are sneakily arranged behind your back, @gallina. Also ensure that the kids’ birth certs are maybe stored at a trusted friend or relative’s place so they can’t “accidentally” be misplaced - or so you can’t be gaslit into believing you’ve misplaced them, only to find MIL has taken them back with her.

@gallina ^ this is sound advice.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 06/04/2023 14:59

He replied what can they do during the day?

  1. Sightseeing?
  2. Visiting him at work?
  3. Not being in your home Smile
pussycatinfluffyslippers · 06/04/2023 15:01

@gallina Just make sure the doors are locked - do you have a chain in case he manages to give them a key? - you don't want them walking in on you.
Not thinking about straight away, but in a couple of days - he might get them a key cut so they can let themselves in.

easterbunnie · 06/04/2023 15:02

Tell them to bollox, him included. Out of interest, which country are they from?

easterbunnie · 06/04/2023 15:03

They can afford a taxi, they ain't been for 3 years, more than enough time to save up. Cheeky, tight cunts.

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 15:13

They have plenty money. The sister is banging on about going shopping in London apparently. We are the opposite end of the country! Was worried about it being outing but fuck it, they're spanish but living in Belgium

He hasn't got his key I've got mine and his on my key ring as his key ring snapped. Door has a chain on.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 06/04/2023 15:16

OP, these people seem mostly to know what your partner tells then about you, and you only know what they say because he shares the information with you.

He is the one facilitating and promoting discord. If you are going to be annoyed , if should be with him that you are annoyed.

ExtraOnions · 06/04/2023 15:17

I’m still confused about how you know they have been saying things and “bitching” about you? You don’t live in the same country, you don’t talk much … so your DH must be telling you everything they are saying. (other than the mis-sent text message)

You have a DH problem, but all you are focussing on are your in-laws, who 100% get any opinion of you from your DH.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 06/04/2023 15:18

Sorry if I've missed this in one of the replies (I've tried scamming through). Have they said when exact they're coming yet?

momtoboys · 06/04/2023 15:21

I'm sorry the inlaws are so terrible and that your partner is such a prick.

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 15:28

I don't know everything they've been saying, I only know a few little bits because he'll be in a bad mood apparently from arguing with them, then hours later tell me a snippet of it.. then when I ask wtf and him to explain he completely shuts down.

Don't know when they are coming yet or how long floor, the next few weeks is all I know. I think based on him saying they'd be flying here they have purchased their tickets, but I don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 15:30

@Mari9999 I am annoyed at him, you're right.

But also I'm absolutely disgusted that two people can be so toxic as to even suggest lying about a miscarriage, which he witnessed! Especially after I already have two kids to him

What would anyone gain from lying about that, and not only that why would you want to be around someone you think capable of lying about such a devastating thing

OP posts:
stairgates · 06/04/2023 15:49

I agree, do not give them a lift. They are well off but too tight for a taxi! It sounds like your partner is a bit scared of them, probably why he left the country they were in, hopefully they won't return very soon for a second visit.

Mari9999 · 06/04/2023 15:54

@gallina

I am not certain that I see what anyone if you are getting from this relationship or from interaction with your partner. There did not ask you to pick them up; he man are that request and he seems quite comfortable in the role of tale bearer. That is a most unappealing behavior for an adult male to engage in with his family members.

FinallyHere · 06/04/2023 15:55

Aibu to just tell the lot of them to fuck off? I don't want to see them at all.

To be fair , you have a DH issue here.

Tell him to tell them that you are not available to help or support them in any way. Let him do it if he wants it done. Simples

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 16:14

Why didn't you just tell him when he rang that you wanted nothing to do with their visit so wouldn't be picking them up? These are the consequences to his actions. Have a bit of self respect OP, they have said awful things. They need to know that you won't tolerate it and won't spend any time in their company. That's what happens when you act like a dick.

Jagoda · 06/04/2023 16:27

Is there anyone you could visit for a few days as you are on maternity pay? Friends or family?

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 16:30

@jemimapuddlepluck I told him that when he first mentioned them visiting. It was a quick phone call less than 5 minutes and we couldn't hear eachother well due to outside noise where he is - that's why I said I'd talk about it in person

OP posts:
Oldraver · 06/04/2023 16:40

Good on you for not picking them up...but...if you are the opposite end of the country to London, are they flying into there and your expected to go and pick them up ? or are they flying more local to you ? anyway fuck that shit

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 16:44

@gallina Fair enough. Just remember, you are the mother of his children and deserve to be treated with respect. Protect yourself from toxic bullshit because life is too precious to deal with nonsense.

mybeautifuloak · 06/04/2023 16:58

You haven't been included in any of the plans so why would you skivvy after them picking them up?

Original poster
gallina · 06/04/2023 17:09

@Oldraver flying local to me and she wants to go there shopping by the sounds of it.
@jemimapuddlepluck thank you

I genuinely think he believes I'm just going to bend over backwards and allow this, he's in for a shock

OP posts:
CallMeBettyBoop · 06/04/2023 18:30

FizzyWineAndCrisps · 06/04/2023 08:57

Toxic in-laws are the worst. I would advise anyone starting out that if their potential in-laws are toxic to run and not get involved.
Once kids are involved it’s too late.
In my experience even if you manage to cut them off they carry on doing damage regardless. I’m sorry I don’t have any positive advise, I know what it’s like to have horrible in-laws.

This...

Pixiedust1234 · 06/04/2023 18:34

Did I understand your post correctly - he will be at work during their entire visit? So he will either expect you to entertain them during the day OR feed them in the evening when he's home to "host" which will effectively be him talking and you drudging.

If so I really really hope you let rip

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