I don't care if my dh has sleep apnea, his snoring makes me want to kill him

[Changeau]

Sort of lghthearted, and then again, not.

This. As a few posters have said, no matter how the snorers on here feel sorry for themselves, and have bruised feelings, and feel 'picked on' and butthurt, their 'dilemma' is nowhere near as bad as the people who have to sleep in the same bed as them, and are sleep deprived because of their snoring.

And as has been said, SO many people (men especially) refuse to get help. Mainly because men are more selfish and self-centred than women, and mostly only care about themselves.

I also find it hard to believe that anyone is sleep deprived through trying to stay awake because they are worried about their own snoring. I find that unlikely.

I also agree with posters saying the poor 'snorers' who feel picked on should start their own thread. THIS one is about people suffering and having to cope sleep deprivation because of snorers!!!

There may be the odd snorer who simply CAN NOT do anything about it, and has tried everything possible to stop it, but that is not the case for the vast vast majority of them.

Yes. It has a little travel bag.

I don't think anyone told you that you should use a cpap. However your snappiness and resentment about how stressful your partner finds your snoring is offputting.

@Ragwort

Secrets - I totally agree with you, I can never share a room with my DH and like you, book self catering holidays with enough space for a room each ... or I just wouldn't bother having a holiday. Having my own, comfortable bedroom is wonderful, DH has his own, comfortable room so it's not as though one of us is stuck in horrible cramped space. I don't understand the obsession with sharing bedrooms... but appreciate it's sometimes not a choice. Like now, I still don't sleep well but I can put the light on, read etc without worrying that I am disturbing my DH.

Yeah this. ^ As I said, it seems very outdated to share, and if there IS an option to have separate bedrooms, I don't understand why people share. Maybe in the first flushes of romance yeah, like when you're first living together/first married/in your 20s or early 30s, but after that. Hell no.

Most couples I know are still sharing a bed/bedroom, up to their late 30s/early 40s, then will get separate bedrooms as soon as possible. Well the woman in the couple moves into another bedroom. Some men are a bit sniffy and funny about it. In almost every case, it's the husband doing the snoring though, so they have no right to an opinion!

I do know one couple though, aged 29 who married 4 years ago, who have had separate bedrooms since they moved in together 5 years ago. Said they will never share.

Conversely, I know of several older couples, (married pre 1970s,) who have always shared a bedroom (and a bed.) In every couple, the woman complains profusely about her husband's snoring, but will not move into another bedroom, even though they have TWO or THREE spare bedrooms. Like it's the LAW that a married couple must share a bed. Batshit.

@NurseCranesRolodex

Same here. 5 years of own bedrooms, I have a super king to myself, can't get a good night's sleep unless cool cotton sheets, window open and nobody in room. I missed DP for ages but my snoring and moving around because being too hot was driving him insane.

Yeah, that was another issue for me. DH is always COLD, and I am always HOT. Totally untenable for us to share a room long term, let alone a bed. HE gets a much better sleep too since we had separate bedrooms. At first he was a bit funny about it, and said 'don't EVER tell anyone, coz it's embarrassing.' He felt like it was something to be ashamed of. But after 10 years of it, and us past middle age now, he doesn't care. Plus, we have come across quite a number of other couples now who have separate bedrooms.

I'm a snorer and have nothing but sympathy for your dh, however if he's not prepared to go to the GP, I think you're well within your rights to smother him in his sleep (I'm joking of course )

I just searched for them and it looks like they don't sell them anymore. Sorry. Any headphones that you are comfortable enough to sleep in would work with a whitenoise app on your phone, I'm sure. https://www.bose.co.uk/en_gb/products/headphones/noise_masking_sleepbuds/noise-masking-sleepbuds-ii.html

Jesus you're incredibly selfish.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Night-Anti-Snoring-Small/dp/B006DWRFB6/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?adgrpid=68672816294&hvadid=346319500493&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=20343&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=15639238666902480751&hvtargid=kwd-300830657006&hydadcr=13983_1829670&keywords=good+night+snore+ring&qid=1680776299&sr=8-4

please please try an acupressure snore ring. It has stopped my husband snoring by about 90%. He used to sound like a chainsaw from the other end of the house and it was affecting him as well as me! he was holding his breath and waking himself up it was so bad.

it’s a relatively cheap and non invasive option and I don’t know why it isn’t more widely used.

it's not a medical condition if you don't have sleep apnea.

It is as it's related to my terrible sinus issues.i wonder who knows more you or my doctor?

Why are you hijacking this thread? It's weird

So your sinus problem is a medical condition, and your snoring is one of the problems that comes with your sinus condition.

As I said, snoring when it's not apnoea isn't a medical contusion.

Yes it is so attention seeking

Typical snorer 😉

I split from a partner over his snoring. My rage at him literally spilled over into the day time and I found find myself irrational massively irritated by every thing he did .
now I can see I was probably lethally sleep deprived

Tempest .. can I ask why you don't invest in a really good sofa bed that you take turns sleeping it. It sounds like it would be life and marriage saving for both of ye?

I told my husband he had sleep apnoea about 6 years ago. I mentioned it about 3 times over 2 years - the final one was when I came into the living room and saw him looking really grey and drawn - asked what was wrong, and he said he was incredibly tired. So I said again he had sleep apnoea, and he agreed to go to the GP only if I would come with him and testify to what I heard.

He was referred, had a sleep assessment, and came away with a CPAP machine. At first he hated it, said it disturbed his sleep and he initially felt worse. But after a few weeks, he adjusted, and now can’t sleep without it.

I wouldn’t have said he was a bad snorer. But as soon as he got the machine, what snoring there was almost completely stopped. You know how you don’t notice how bad something is until it’s not there any more?

Sleep apnoea is not the only cause of snoring, but it is the biggest one. Ideally all bad snorers should be assessed for sleep apnoea. Those whose partners are reluctant to go to the GP might want to research just how much of a risk factor untreated sleep apnoea is for heart attack and stroke, and show that information to their OH.

Of course casual violence is not acceptable but being kept awake for most of the night is not acceptable either. It's fucking exhausting.

I regret allowing him to move in.

Tempest .. can I ask why you don't invest in a really good sofa bed that you take turns sleeping it. It sounds like it would be life and marriage saving for both of ye?

I think this is a good idea. I realise that there isn't a magic cure for sinus problems, but there is a solution for sleeping separately to prevent the rage from having your sleep interrupted. Before DH got his CPAP machine I was sleeping in the spare bedroom.

Move his arms or gently rock the bed. Works for me.

Jeez, I suffered this for years. Then my husband discovered he had heart failure and sorting and not breathing were dangerous. He now has a CPAP which makes it's own special noise but oh so much better. It keeps the airway open and oxygen flowing round the body, risk of stroke without one...

My DH has been on the waiting list for a CPAP for over a year, and it took over a year and a half to diagnose before that 😭

It's horrible for both of us but at least he's engaged in doing something about it, the NHS just doesn't have capacity at the moment. He isn't overweight and fairly young, just the structure of his head and neck. Many family members of his has it too for same reasons.

If my DH was keeping his head in the sand like yours I'd probably kill him!

Interesting to see that @Tempone is happy to whinge about being sooo hard done by as a snorer, and has rudely hijacked a thread about apnoea too, but won't engage with the many posters suggesting a comfy sofa bed...

Erh no my phone was dead but anyway...I haven't hijacked the thread people keeping @me I should no longer answer anyone or reply or I am hijacking a thread.
To answer the burning question re a sofa bee. Unfortunately with the configuration of our sitting room we wouldn't get one easily. Currently I sleep on the sofa most nights dh will not try ear plugs at all. This isn't a great long term solution as I have arthritis and its causing me a great deal of pain but there is currently no other solution until a child moves out. And if I can't afford the surgery with the crappy successs rate, as you can guess we can't afford to upgrade to a bigger house. So uncomfortable sofa it is for me for the duration for snoring which is not apnoea or weight related but is caused by chronic sinus problems and contrary to what I have been called I am not self centered, lazy fat or selfish. Just cursed with extremely narrow passages and terrible inflammation.

Sorry if you're offended by that I was just offering my perspective because I'm tired of all snorer being lumped into the same category and to be honest it's really hard. I feel like a burden because of snoring and its massively getting me down. I do sympathise with others but comments like "snorers are so lazy and self centered and fat"always fat apparently really get to me.

YANBU. It makes me feel murderous

Right!!

I got laughed at by my doctor in the UK, who told me snoring was a "cosmetic issue" and refused my request for a sleep clinic referral.

I have severe sleep apnoea, but fortunately I live in France now, where I was diagnosed and given a CPAP machine.

Otherwise I might be dead.