I don't care if my dh has sleep apnea, his snoring makes me want to kill him

[Changeau]

Sort of lghthearted, and then again, not.

Yes. We usually travel through Manchester Airport, and they don't even want to open the bag and look at it. It isn't counted as part of your luggage allowance as it is medical equipment.

We don't travel long haul any more now.

@Changeau your DH must see his GP. We are pretty sure that sleep apnoea caused DH's stroke.

I think it's genetic as his dad snored badly.

Regardless, sleep apnoea is a health risk that shouldn't be ignored.

I totally agree. I've nagged him for ages but at the end of the day it's up to him.

I'm the snorer but I don't have sleep apnea. I got a hard plastic mouth guard from Amazon to stop my jaw from sagging and it's worked wonders and now we can both sleep well and it cost $50. All the sprays and nose tapes etc don't really work for actual serious cases.

OP if he actually does have sleep apnea he really does need to see a proper specialist. It will absolutely shorten his life, maybe a lot more than he or you are thinking.

My DH snored horrendously. My anxiety was through the roof with having to hear the hammer drill every night. Sleep deprivation is the worse form of torture. I finally (it took years of asking, begging, pleading, shouting, not speaking, crying) git him to sort it. He still wouldn't go to the GP but found a private dentist to fit a 'Somnowell' device. Its a device that is moulded around your mouth that you fit in every night and it brings your lower jaw forward to stop it sinking to the back of the throat which stops the snoring. Virtually no snoring!!!

quite frankly it saved our marriage. Very expensive but cheaper than a divorce tbf.

Your H is a selfish arsehole - he knows the effect it's having on you, and still can't be fecked to get to the GP. What a prince among men!

Am literally getting ready to go to the doctors with DH today for this problem - he only booked the appointment because I broke down and called him a pig for not doing anything about it for years.

i don’t know if it’s sleep apnea or not - but he’s more worried he will have his driving licence taken off him than he is about anything else. I don’t think it’s an issue though as he doesn’t get bad daytime sleepiness…

Forgot to say he had previously tried the cheap Amazon/boots mouth guards but they would work temporarily and broke all the time plus they caused his teeth to move!! Ended up 2 years wearing braces to correct them again costing £££! So those of you using the mouth guards (that you mold yourselves) keep a watch on your teeth!

MY DP is getting his cpap machine this month. I will be honest and say I sleep like the dead so his snoring has never woken me but I know it will be life changing for him. Will read back now on the other comments as I am now also in this position.

He won't lose his licence, even if the apnoea is severe, so long as he is treated. For severe apnoea a CPAP is likely to be recommended and modern devices are much smaller, quieter and more comfortable than those of even a few years ago.

The improvement to the snorer's quality of life often takes them by surprise but really, they too, are finally getting a regular night's sleep after years of inadequate and broken nights.

He’ll feel so much better using the CPAP plus it could literally save his life.
I filled in an online consult, spoke to Gp on phone and then sleep equipment was sent to the house.
I wore the monitors for one night, the data was sent to sleep clinic which confirmed sleep apnea.
A month later a went to the sleep clinic and collected a CPAP machine. It’s small, portable.

You can’t snore wearing one, it’s almost silent, and I feel so rested in the mornings now, as does DW.

They’re life changing - and if he prefers he could go get the assessment privately but the machine the NHS is ‘lending’ me would cost around £1500 to buy. They remotely monitor the info from it to make sure it’s working efficiently, do all follow ups, and will replace and upgrade the machine and parts.

it’s been a marriage saver for us. And I’m also making the lifestyle changes that hopefully will get rid of the apnea too, meaning I won’t be using the CPAP long term.

I absolutely understand. We’ve been in separate rooms now for a couple of years and it’s bliss. I’d never go back, and I can’t believe I put up with it for 20 odd years.

‘i don’t know if it’s sleep apnea or not - but he’s more worried he will have his driving licence taken off him than he is about anything else. ‘

you have to be excessively sleepy in the day for that to happen - like falling asleep just sitting. You self declare your symptoms, so can say how sleepy you are - if at all, loud snoring alone is enough to get tested - and one of the questions is around driving.

@Readabookgroucho exactly what dp did. He got his letter a few weeks ago to give the diagnosis which we were certain of anyway and will collect the machine this month. Im excited for him as he wakes up every morning as if he has not slept. It must be torture.

‘Those of you using cpap machines: what do you do when you travel abroad? Do you take it with you?’

mines in a small soft sided carry case that comes with it for travel. The clinic give you a letter stating it’s medical equipment to out with it. It doesn’t even count towards your cabin allowance as it’s medical equipment, is light and portable.

you also have the option of just not taking it away with you. Or using it at all. You don’t become dependent on it, and if you don’t use it then you just go back to the way you were before.
I have noticed on the few occasions I don’t use it though, I still sleep better than before

@Pseudonamed takes a week or so to get used to wearing a mask as it has to be tight enough to not leak air but you do get used to it very quickly and benefits far out way any cons.
I have mild apnea and still feel the difference. I was starting to have to nap in the day, between not sleeping well, and DW waking me I was much tired er than I thought.

Have you recorded him then said every silent bit is you not breathing and dumped research on his lap about the risks. My BIL fell asleep driving because of this.

Yeah I might come across that way but I have suffered from sleep paralysis from tiredness because I'm so tired trying not to snore. I went through a stage of sever anxiety about falling asleep as I felt like such a failure.. I could have that surgery it would cost me thousands and the success rate is crap, then what? My husband resents me for something I literally have no control over. I'm not saying it's a picnic living with a snorer but the language used is absolutely hurtful.

I'm a snorer. Fortunately it didn't develop until after my husband died, but I still hate it. I'm flying to Australia soon, and I daren't doze on the plane. I often travel with a friend who wants to share rooms for financial reasons, claiming that they just put up with my snoring for a few nights, but I'm excruciatingly embarrassed.

I was referred for a sleep test, as I was waking myself up, and strokes run in my family (apnoea is a risk for stroke) but I don't have apnoea. The hospital consultant said that there's very little that can be done for bog standard snoring, and that surgery is rarely successful.

If you want your DH to go to the doctor, big up the stroke and heart risk and video an episode.

My exH was a snorer. Drove me insane. Don’t think it was apnea though.

But like so many men in here he absolutely refused to do anything about it. All the many women on here running about trying to fix stuff that isn’t their problem (tho of course it becomes theirs). That’s what annoys me most. These men who don’t give two shits enough to go to the bloody Gp.

The joy of a new partner who is really slim and only snores very occasionally. Though funnily enough after 20 odd years of Quies earplugs I can’t sleep anywhere without them. Even on my own lol.

@AliceMcK

You can get a sleep study done at home for a few hundred quid and buy your own cpap!? 🤷🏼‍♀️

My DH has snored for years i had ear plugs. Then i started not sleeping much because of the menopause and his snoring and choking annoyed me even more. I seriously wanted to cut his throat. My kids then started to leave home and that freed up bedrooms. We now have separate bedrooms. Bliss 😁

What is his reason for not going to the GP?

With the risks of severely shortened life expectancy as well as a host of other health problems, I would try what others have suggested re filming him not breathing. Hopefully that will shock him enough to do something about it.

If it didn't and he's worried about having his license taken off him (which won't happen if he has treatment), I'd tell him I'll report him to the DVLA myself for suspected undiagnosed and untreated sleep apnea. Not to be unkind or because of the snoring, but because I'd never forgive myself if he ended up falling asleep at the wheel and not surviving or if he killed or injured someone else.

It’s not not a picnic, it’s ruining and likely shortening his life (and yours), and it’s affecting your marriage. If you want to live with someone else it’s not acceptable to just say ‘there’s nothing I can do and mentioning it hurts my feelings.’