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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't care if my dh has sleep apnea, his snoring makes me want to kill him

159 replies

Changeau · 05/04/2023 22:56

Sort of lghthearted, and then again, not.

OP posts:
maddening · 05/04/2023 22:57

My dh also has it and refuses to do anything about it, and his actual snoring is horrendous 😐

Mycathatesmecuddling · 05/04/2023 22:58

Does he not have a cpap? Mine pretty much stops my DHs snoring.

You have my absolutely sympathy though there were sleep deprived nights before his diagnosis where I understood why people were driven to murder

I also highly reccomend seperate bedrooms. People might think its unsexy or unromantic but honestly nothing kills my sex drive or my sense of romance quicker than sleep deprivation

Winterwondering22 · 05/04/2023 22:59

Can you sleep in another room? My oh was driving me crazy and I asked him to sleep in another room. I now feel sane but I have got used to him not sleeping beside me and he’s grumpy as he says I’ve kicked him out. Can’t win. But why should we tolerate sleeping beside an elephant.

Original poster
Changeau · 05/04/2023 22:59

Yeah dh is the same. I've said I can literally hear you not breathing and he still won't ring the gp.

OP posts:
Original poster
Changeau · 05/04/2023 23:00

I normally sleep on another room but all dcs back from uni etc for easter 😭😭😭

OP posts:
CrystalMaisie · 05/04/2023 23:00

Finally got my dh to get it sorted, he now can’t sleep without his cpap, life changing (for both of us!).

whodafucisalice · 05/04/2023 23:00

@Changeau tell him he could have his driving licence taken off him if it's not treated and is undiagnosed, if he falls asleep at wheel or has an accident he could be liable!

Hankunamatata · 05/04/2023 23:01

Soft earplugs and sleep headphones

AngryPurpleSleepingBag · 05/04/2023 23:01

You don’t have to share a bed with someone who snores! I have my own bed and it helps a lot. Same room just a bit more distance

Original poster
Changeau · 05/04/2023 23:02

He was away for five nights earlier this year ,it was marvellous. I went to bed at 8pm.

OP posts:
Winterwondering22 · 05/04/2023 23:02

Cpap I’m going to investigate that. I would rather be stayed in the room but he just snores so loudly the earplugs don’t work.

Original poster
Changeau · 05/04/2023 23:03

I have earplugs, but his snoring is so loud it vibrates.

OP posts:
Partyandbullshit · 05/04/2023 23:04

Those of you using cpap machines: what do you do when you travel abroad? Do you take it with you?

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:04

I'm the snorer and I hate the guilt that I get every morning when my dh is pissed at me for snoring... I am unconscious and cannot help it. It also.seems acceptable for casual violence against snorers too. I hate being a snorer and there is not much more I can try bar sinus surgery.

Partyandbullshit · 05/04/2023 23:06

My DH snores, and so do I. We’ve been through every cycle of hate and understanding! It’s only once every week or two for either of us, so not as bad as some. But difficult not to seethe at 4am 😡

Original poster
Changeau · 05/04/2023 23:06

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:04

I'm the snorer and I hate the guilt that I get every morning when my dh is pissed at me for snoring... I am unconscious and cannot help it. It also.seems acceptable for casual violence against snorers too. I hate being a snorer and there is not much more I can try bar sinus surgery.

Do you not have a spare room or sofa?

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 05/04/2023 23:06

I feel your pain - we actually now both have CPAP machines but he was far far worse and dx before me after I pushed and pushed - finally, he fucking fell asleep at the wheel (at the traffic lights fortunately!) with me in the car and I took the car keys off him when we got home and said he'd not be driving again until he got it sorted.

As he is at heart a lazy fucker, he got it sorted... and is now soooooo much better, doesn't nod off during the day, definitely doesn't fall asleep at the wheel and doesn't make horrific snorty noises or stop breathing at night.

You don't fully realise before you get it treated, just how awful it is to sleep and wake up struggling for oxygen as you're mostly still asleep when it happens so it just stresses you out... without it being quite so obvious as to why.

It took me a week to get used to the mask and now, barring a couple of odd dreams where I took the fucking thing off in my sleep, I cannot sleep without it at all and it feels perfectly comfortable to me!

BewilderedPiskie · 05/04/2023 23:06

Separate rooms and a Homedics white noise machine are all that that have kept me from a snoring based homicide. I still hear him but reduced, and my extreme fatigue stops me from having the energy to rise from my bed and take drastic action in the wee small hours...I worry that one day one of our close neighbours will break into our home and end him. SO VERY LOUD!! ...but a delight when awake.

Mycathatesmecuddling · 05/04/2023 23:07

Partyandbullshit · 05/04/2023 23:04

Those of you using cpap machines: what do you do when you travel abroad? Do you take it with you?

Yes, you can usually take it on as additional hand luggage on an airplane too, you might just have to notify the airline first

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:07

I have a sofa which I willingly go to but I also have arthritis and I get no sleep either.

Original poster
Changeau · 05/04/2023 23:08

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:07

I have a sofa which I willingly go to but I also have arthritis and I get no sleep either.

Well I'm sorry for you but perhaps a cpap machine would help?

OP posts:
Circumferences · 05/04/2023 23:09

In the theme of light-hearted-but-not, I always knew my uncle was a bad snorer/sleeper through anecdotes made by my aunt.

He passed away a few years back, and I swear I caught a hint that my aunt was pleased about it with her comments about "haven't slept so well in years". Since her husband died. Seriously.

SweetSakura · 05/04/2023 23:09

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:04

I'm the snorer and I hate the guilt that I get every morning when my dh is pissed at me for snoring... I am unconscious and cannot help it. It also.seems acceptable for casual violence against snorers too. I hate being a snorer and there is not much more I can try bar sinus surgery.

Agreed. I often snore due to a medical condition. DH luckily goes off to sleep in the spare room when it bothers him.

But I 'm not doing it on purpose.

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:09

I don't have sleep apnea I have sinus problems.

AliceMcK · 05/04/2023 23:09

Winterwondering22 · 05/04/2023 23:02

Cpap I’m going to investigate that. I would rather be stayed in the room but he just snores so loudly the earplugs don’t work.

There is a massive waiting list for diagnosis and you can’t get one with out a prescription. I got diagnosed overseas, I rented my Cpap machine so couldn’t bring it back with me. When I came back to the UK I was referred to the sleep clinic but they would not accept my overseas diagnosis, so now I’m waiting to go through the whole process again, I’ve been waiting 9months. I ended up going back overseas and using my prescription I got there to buy a machine, cost me £1600 but it’s worth it. I still have to go through the nhs process though so I’m able to get a new machine when this one needs replacing.