I don't care if my dh has sleep apnea, his snoring makes me want to kill him

[Changeau]

Sort of lghthearted, and then again, not.

It's only been the last 10 years, (been with DH for 30 years,) but I have actually got my own room now - since the kids left home. It's been absolute bliss. I will NEVER share with DH again. He snored from about the age of 32-ish, when we'd been together about 10 years.

It got to the point where I was actually feeling violent and aggressive and distressed and depressed and so fucking TIRED and angry - at how his snoring kept me awake. And even if I dropped off for half an hour, his snoring would wake me again! He would never ever bother doing anything about it and just said 'I can't help it.'

I spent so many weeks and months, and years, spending 50% of the time sleeping on the couch - just to try and get even four or five hours straight through sleep.

It's not just the snoring. I actually feel really uncomfortable sleeping next to DH at all now. His moving around the bed, tossing and turning, his grunting, his stinky farts, his coughing, his thrashing his arms about, his heavy breathing, and obviously his snoring. Absolutely hate it.

It's so amazing to HAVE MY OWN ROOM. I will never go back. I also have a white noise machine to cut out any noise, like the church clock, the birds tweeting at 6:00 AM, and any noise coming from DH's room next to me. Absolute heaven.

When we go on holiday, we pay an extra 150 pounds to have a bedroom each. Last time we went, we had three or four married couples really disgruntled because they didn't realise they could do that. The women had to put up with vile snoring from their grunting husbands, while I had an absolutely lovely sleep in my own room. Hell will freeze over before ever share a room with DH again or anybody. Even if I had a new relationship. I would never, ever share a bedroom with anybody again. I can only sleep on my own.

I believe a couple sharing a bed is very outdated. Weird as fuck really, two grown-ass adults sharing a 4 foot X 6 foot bed. Batshit if you think about it. SO uncomfortable, so hot, not enough room, and not enough sleep. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, yet some people still buy into this 'MUST SLEEP WITH MY SPOUSE' bullshit. No. Never again. Even in a bigger bed - like a Queen or King, you are STILL having to tolerate his snoring!!!

This post made me laugh because I have just left the snoring one to come and sleep in the gorgeous single I bought last month, oh I’d so love to be here every night, nite nite mumsnetters, hope you get some sleep 💐💐💐

Brown noise (like white noise but a bit deeper) has been a game changer for me and now allows me to mostly get a decent night's sleep. I used to use foam ear plugs and if I slept at the opposite end of the bed (i.e. with my head by OH's feet) with a pillow over my head they just about worked but I got fed up of waking up with sore ears. I now have some tiny little ear buds made by Bose that play brown noise. They cost an arm and a leg but they have seriously been worth every penny.

Would botox help him?

Ask him to check it out with his FP and if it might work, pay to have it done.

Good luck x

Could you link these? Me and my OH usually sleep separately but have a holiday coming up and will need to share a room. I'll pay anything!

We just pay for separate rooms on holiday now. It makes me want to murder him.

I must have posted this in the middle of the night the other day and totally forgotten because you are me.

YADNBU

It might be positional sleep apnea. As In much less of a problem if lying on his side. It’s a silly sounding thing, but sewing tennis balls onto the top half back of a pj top so that he does not roll onto his back may reduce or stop it.

i have mild positional sleep apnea and I did just that. I no longer need tennis balls (after using them for years) as I now sleep on my side always. If I start rolling onto my back again I will start using them again.

I put the tennis balls into socks and stitch the socks to the back of old pj or tshirt tops. That way you can take out the tennis balls to launder the tops. The socks will stretch too much over time so you’ll need to renew them.

It looks ridiculous but it can be a cheap effective way for treating sleep apnea for some.

I tried the C Pap and after 6 months gave up. I have pressure urticaria and no matter what I did (spent dollars for mask cushions etc) I’d wake up with deep red and sore ridges in my face in the shape of the mask that would last for hours. I couldn’t be at work all day looking like that and feeling sore. The soreness would wake me in the night too. I gave it a damn good try because Cpaps were so expensive back then.

My DH has this (and yes, I know the snoring drama!). He should ask to be referred to a sleep clinic.

They will test him and probably issue him with a CPap machine - which helps a huge amount.

Meanwhile, Macks silicone ear plugs are very good - comfortable and block out most noise.

Good luck.😉

Secrets totally agree with you, I can never share a room with my DH and like you, book self catering holidays with enough space for a room each ... or I just wouldn't bother having a holiday. Having my own, comfortable bedroom is wonderful, DH has his own, comfortable room so it's not as though one of us is stuck in horrible cramped space. I don't understand the obsession with sharing bedrooms... but appreciate it's sometimes not a choice. Like now, I still don't sleep well but I can put the light on, read etc without worrying that I am disturbing my DH.

Had a terrible night's sleep - not all dh snoring related. He's going to work early and I have a day off so I'm going back to bed at 7 and staying there!

I bought some workman's ear plugs off amazon which are the best I've found and I've tried them all. They are called Spark Plugs.

My DH lost 10kg and that made such a difference- is he overweight?

Before that he was a vibrating snorer so you have my sympathy

Same here. 5 years of own bedrooms, I have a super king to myself, can't get a good night's sleep unless cool cotton sheets, window open and nobody in room. I missed DP for ages but my snoring and moving around because being too hot was driving him insane.

Not really but he does get a fat neck and jawline when he's even a few lbs overweight so that probably doesn't help!

You've got a real attitude about this haven't you? Sleep deprivation is torture and many of us physically cannot sleep through noise. Buy a better sofa bed and make that your bedroom if you can't get the surgery needed to stop snoring. It's shit for you but even more shit for your partner - you seem very focused on how difficult it is for you and resentful that you are expected to do something about it.

Yeah that won't help. Also suggest some sort of nasal spray to make sure his nose is nice and clear.

Good luck. I'm genuinely convinced DH's snoring has taken years off my life.

I really worry about this! I'm quite healthy normally,.don't smoke, go the gym, keep an eye on my weight. But disturbed sleep must be really bad for you 😪

Dd is going back to uni and I'm going to sleep in her room a few nights a week I think.

You're right. Im one that had it, not specifically for snoring but I am horrendous by all accounts and it hasnt changed a thing, even the sinus problems. Ive had an almost constant stream of infections since.

I dont have sleep apnea, just terrible sinuses.

I sympathise op. My dh has always snored which

I’m a snorer and DH is convinced I’ve got sleep apnea. Yet I wake up refreshed and never fall asleep in the day. Plenty of energy, go to gym etc.

We have a spare room as DD is at uni but he doesn’t want us sleeping separately 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oops posted too soon!

Snoring itself was just about bearable until he developed sleep apnea.

He got referred to a sleep clinic and they said he needed to lose weight. He lost the weight and that sorted it.

It does make you feel murderous though even though I know he can't help it.

I also feel very sorry for tempone who's got an unnecessarily hard time. As if its really easy to get surgery or move to a bigger house.

Snoring is shit for both parties really and there's nothing wrong with pointing that out. I know my dh feels bad about it and wasn't actually sleeping properly with the apnea either.

What the actual fuck is my phone doing??? I give up. Hopefully it's somebody's birthday though so they can appreciate the random gif

😂

Dh always wakes up with energy and does a full day at work but always dozes off in the evening (which also now irritates me as we can't watch TV together without him falling asleep and snoring on the sofa!)