Page 2 | I don't care if my dh has sleep apnea, his snoring makes me want to kill him

Changeau · 2023-04-05T21:56:27+00:00

Sort of lghthearted, and then again, not.

Surelyitscoffeetime · 05/04/2023 23:10

OP, have you tried filming him stopping breathing? It took me doing this to get my DH to go to the GP. Actually seeing the length between breaths made him realise how serious it is.

Schmutter · 05/04/2023 23:10

If my husband snores, he’s straight into a spare room. He only snores if he’s put on weight or (more rarely) has drunk a tad too much.

He’s very slim, but if his weight creeps up to around 76kg, the snoring starts. I think he puts weight on his neck. The banishment is a great motivator to keep to a healthy weight!

My friend’s ex had a c-pap machine. It solved the snoring but she found it noisy (and a massive turn off).

Mycathatesmecuddling · 05/04/2023 23:10

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:04

I'm the snorer and I hate the guilt that I get every morning when my dh is pissed at me for snoring... I am unconscious and cannot help it. It also.seems acceptable for casual violence against snorers too. I hate being a snorer and there is not much more I can try bar sinus surgery.

There's a difference between being a snorer who can't be treated and someone with sleep apnea who could go to the Dr and get a cpap which would probably stop the majority if not all of the snoring, and choosing not too despite the impact on your partner

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/04/2023 23:10

I'm sorry to bring down the lighthearted tone but please please be aware that sleep apnea can and does kill. Long term lack of quality sleep caused by sleep apnea is correlated with everything from cancer to heart disease.

My father had it and died at 56...if only it had been diagnosed and treated earlier he might have had a chance to meet my dc. I still miss him every day (and it's been 30 years).

AliceMcK · 05/04/2023 23:12

Changeau · 05/04/2023 23:03

I have earplugs, but his snoring is so loud it vibrates.

Have he tried a snoring mouth guard? I bought my DH one, it’s great.

MiddleParking · 05/04/2023 23:13

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:04

I'm the snorer and I hate the guilt that I get every morning when my dh is pissed at me for snoring... I am unconscious and cannot help it. It also.seems acceptable for casual violence against snorers too. I hate being a snorer and there is not much more I can try bar sinus surgery.

So…get sinus surgery, surely? If you feel so guilty and it’s the next thing to try?

Mycathatesmecuddling · 05/04/2023 23:13

Schmutter · 05/04/2023 23:10

If my husband snores, he’s straight into a spare room. He only snores if he’s put on weight or (more rarely) has drunk a tad too much.

He’s very slim, but if his weight creeps up to around 76kg, the snoring starts. I think he puts weight on his neck. The banishment is a great motivator to keep to a healthy weight!

My friend’s ex had a c-pap machine. It solved the snoring but she found it noisy (and a massive turn off).

My DHs first cpap was noisy but he got a new one four years ago and it's so so much quieter

As for a turn off, as much as I would love my DH to be sexy when hes sleeping (Im joking, is anyone sexy when they sleep?) snoring like a warthog and dying young of a heart attack isnt really a turn on either

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:16

Cool I'll organise that surgery right away....unfortunately the success rate isn't fantastic on it.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/04/2023 23:19

Make a regular appointment for you both to update your wills as he is increasing his risk of early death if he refuses to get treated for apnoea. Refusing to get treated for a notifiable condition and driving can invalidate insurance.

If you don't have a spare room then leave his pillows on the sofa. He may not care about his own health but sleep deprivation will affect yours.

Peachy2005 · 05/04/2023 23:28

@AliceMcK I was going to ask if anyone had tried the snoring mouth guard. I saw Boots have a whole range: nasal spray, throat spray, nasal strips snd the mouth guard . DH has so far only bern willing for me to get him the nasal spray: it does help a bit but seems to take a while to start working and sometimes wears off later so there’s some snoring at the beginning of the night and towards the end. But a definite improvement I would say. Is the mouth guard difficult to get used to?

CC4712 · 05/04/2023 23:33

OP- Sorry that this is long!

Has your DH has any testing on the sleep apnoea to assess for CPAP? It can be life threatening so please try to get him some help for him!

I put up with this for 15+yrs and wish I'd pushed much sooner! I'm a health profession, knew DH had sleep apnoea, long pauses, woke himself up etc and was at higher risk of heart attack, stroke etc. I filmed him snoring, the pauses etc to show him which made no difference to his denial. I tried all manner of ear plugs over the years.

Have you tried the epworth score? Epworth Sleepiness Scale | Asthma + Lung UK (asthmaandlung.org.uk) DH seemed either oblivious or unaware that he was falling asleep on the sofa at all times, and even fell off the toilet seat asleep one time! I did the test on what I'd observed of him, and he did it separately. He very much underestimated how sleepy he was and our scores were very different!

Strangely, we are registered at different GP's due to me meeting him years after he'd registered, the practice then moving and no longer being in the catchment. Anyways, I found out that his practice had an online referral/appointment option for various conditions. With DH's permission, I made an online referral on his behalf.

FINALLY- was diagnosed with severe, obstructive sleep apnoea and has had a CPAP for 9mths now. Its silent! I honestly cannot believe how quiet it is! He has lost 20kg because he has energy again, he now rarely sleeps on the sofa during the day and awakes refreshed. I sleep MUCH better now, but have been trying to wean myself off wearing earplugs.

Epworth Sleepiness Scale

Information about the Epworth Sleepiness Scale

https://www.asthmaandlung.org.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/epworth-sleepiness-scale

NancyJoan · 05/04/2023 23:33

There is nothing worse. We sleep separately, but last night had a night in hotel together. I’d booked a twin room, so at least wasn’t also boiled alive in the bed with him, but honestly, the noise. I think I saw every hour.

MiddleParking · 05/04/2023 23:34

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:16

Cool I'll organise that surgery right away....unfortunately the success rate isn't fantastic on it.

Well yeah tbh if I was your husband, I would absolutely expect you to be organising it straight away. If it doesn’t work, then surely you should persevere with your doctor and also prioritise getting your sleeping arrangements so that you both have somewhere to sleep comfortably and he doesn’t have to hear you. People aren’t literally threatening violence but it’s really hard not to feel complete burning rage at someone who you didn’t give birth to who’s stopping you from sleeping.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/04/2023 23:36

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:16

Cool I'll organise that surgery right away....unfortunately the success rate isn't fantastic on it.

I couldn't live with you in that case, the noise from people that snore whether they can fix it or not is absolutely maddening.
Hopefully your partner can tolerate it though.

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:51

We'll just easily buy a bigger house.... he could also try ear plugs but he refuses to.

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:55

People might not mean actual violence but my dh swears at me, he thinks I am asleep sometimes I'm not asleep, and can be breathing deep to try and fall asleep. I'm tired of hearing Jesus fucking christ, or getting woken with kicks in rhe shin. He could also try the couch now and then refuses to move. I also cannot afford that surgery. No NHS here.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/04/2023 00:10

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:55

People might not mean actual violence but my dh swears at me, he thinks I am asleep sometimes I'm not asleep, and can be breathing deep to try and fall asleep. I'm tired of hearing Jesus fucking christ, or getting woken with kicks in rhe shin. He could also try the couch now and then refuses to move. I also cannot afford that surgery. No NHS here.

You're tired of hearing " jesus fucking christ "

I'm sure he is tired of not getting sleep because of you!
You sound extremely self centred, sorry but you do, why should he sleep on the sofa because of your problem?
You don't sound like you're that concerned about how you affect his quality of life or bothered to find a way to help solve the problem, I don't think earplugs would work by the sound of it.

SweetSakura · 06/04/2023 00:12

TomatoSandwiches · 06/04/2023 00:10

You're tired of hearing " jesus fucking christ "

I'm sure he is tired of not getting sleep because of you!
You sound extremely self centred, sorry but you do, why should he sleep on the sofa because of your problem?
You don't sound like you're that concerned about how you affect his quality of life or bothered to find a way to help solve the problem, I don't think earplugs would work by the sound of it.

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Kicks in the shin is physical abuse. Not acceptable.

Mycathatesmecuddling · 06/04/2023 00:12

Tempone · 05/04/2023 23:55

People might not mean actual violence but my dh swears at me, he thinks I am asleep sometimes I'm not asleep, and can be breathing deep to try and fall asleep. I'm tired of hearing Jesus fucking christ, or getting woken with kicks in rhe shin. He could also try the couch now and then refuses to move. I also cannot afford that surgery. No NHS here.

None of that's actually very relevant to the OP who has a DH who is refusing to get his sleep apnea treated though is it?

TomatoSandwiches · 06/04/2023 00:15

"Kicks" to the shin to wake you up from making horrific noise is acceptable to me, when my husband and I shared a bed he used to ask me to do that if I bothered him.
Imagine you are dead asleep or trying to and got yourself comfy, poking a leg out and giving your bed partner a nudge to disturb the snoring is different from an actual kick.

BlackBarbies · 06/04/2023 00:17

I’ve truly found my people.

I’m convinced that the kids dad has sleep apnea. He literally sounds like he’s about to die every single night. The snoring is actually unreal and sometimes I think I’m being pranked. He’s been kicked out of the bed multiple times in the past and unfortunately we don’t have a spare room so sleeps on the living room floor.

I do feel sorry for him sometimes but get woken up each night just because he won’t go to the GP really pisses me off. Sorry to hear others are going through this, it’s shit!

Never heard of a CPAP machine but I’ll be looking into that

Firsttimecaller · 06/04/2023 00:20

Partyandbullshit · 05/04/2023 23:04

Those of you using cpap machines: what do you do when you travel abroad? Do you take it with you?

Yes, it's free extra hand luggage on the plane, can't be carried in hold.

ukholidayseeker · 06/04/2023 00:26

My DH has a weighted blanket (heaviest one and kingsize). Without it, he snores.

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 06/04/2023 00:30

Schmutter · 05/04/2023 23:10

If my husband snores, he’s straight into a spare room. He only snores if he’s put on weight or (more rarely) has drunk a tad too much.

He’s very slim, but if his weight creeps up to around 76kg, the snoring starts. I think he puts weight on his neck. The banishment is a great motivator to keep to a healthy weight!

My friend’s ex had a c-pap machine. It solved the snoring but she found it noisy (and a massive turn off).

12 stone (76 kg,) is not overweight for ANY man,

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 06/04/2023 00:32

TomatoSandwiches · 05/04/2023 23:36

I couldn't live with you in that case, the noise from people that snore whether they can fix it or not is absolutely maddening.
Hopefully your partner can tolerate it though.

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True. Most people who snore (usually men!) don't give a shit though -as it's not affecting them.