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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed about presents

177 replies

TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:05

Every birthday and Christmas, DCs get 6 or 7 presents each from family. These aren't token presents, they're 'proper' presents as family ask what they want and we sit down with DH and give it some thought and see where presents can be bought jointly and balance "stuff" with things like days out etc.

So I think on top of this we should only get 2 or 3 presents ourselves for them as 20 presents a year is plenty surely!

Also our house is small so I have to regularly rotate toys/declutter to keep on top of things.

So I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

DH got another 10 things (10!) from the loft to be wrapped which he's bought over the last couple of weeks for her. No mention of it before. Nothing pricey but additional bits like puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games etc.

AIBU that it annoys me SO much? I suggested keeping some back for Christmas or other occasions as it's too many at once and he grumbled and is now annoyed with me (actually in the 10 presents there were a couple from last Christmas we'd saved back for her birthday as he had done it then too and it was way too many).

Happy to be told I'm a bah humbug but I just hate "stuff" and don't see the point! Stick to the plan!

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 05/04/2023 22:10

I wouldn't mind a few extra but ten extra seems excessive and I would definitely keep some back for xmas

Singularity82 · 05/04/2023 22:12

YABU and mean. They only sound like small “filler” gifts. Also, surely books, puzzles and clothes are practical gifts that don’t fall under the category of junk?

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 05/04/2023 22:13

Sounds like you have different opinions on gift giving.
Perhaps have a chat and reach a compromise? Meet in the middle.

Coffeellama · 05/04/2023 22:14

It’s not a daft amount of presents at all, and you are wanting him to stick to your plan, not a shared plan.

Albiboba · 05/04/2023 22:15

Stick to the plan

You mean your plan? It sound like you think you get a bigger say in things like this.

Plus if some of the presents were left aside from Christmas he didn’t go and get 10.

You’re making a mountain out of a molehill with this, loosen the control.

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:18

Interesting, seems I am mostly unreasonable.

@Singularity82 they seem practical but take clothes - he bought PJs with her favourite character on. She's already got 2 of those in the same size (not the exact same pyjamas, but both short sleeved PJ'S with the character on), as well as another god knows how many pyjamas. So really it's unnecessary.

Books - a sticker book. We have about 10 in the living room, she's outgrown them and not really done sticker books for a couple of years.

I guess the whole concept of "filler" presents escapes me too. You don't need filler presents if you're getting perfectly lovely presents. And the planet doesn't need more stuff to be manufactured just for the sake of it so there is a big pile of presents in the morning.

But I think it annoys me this much because he doesn't ever get involved in the toy rotation/decluttering so has no idea what we already have and just keeps buying more stuff we don't need/already have too many of.

OP posts:
Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:23

@Coffeellama @Albiboba yes I take your point, it's probably more my plan but it's because I think it makes so much more sense 😁. He also always initially seems on board with the plan though, then throws a curveball!

Does everyone think receiving 20 presents for a birthday when you're 4 years old is a reasonable amount then? Ia honestly sure DD would be sharpy with 3 or 4and get so much play out of them.

Oh well didn't realise I felt so strongly about this when I first posted!

OP posts:
Xarrie · 05/04/2023 22:25

I'm with your DH. I hate stingy for the sake of it.

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 22:25

It really doesn't have to be your plan. No need to control everything so much. Chill.

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:27

@Xarrie but that's the point it's not about money. I'd get 3 or 4 nice more expensive presents, he'd get 10 cheap "filler" presents which clutter the house and will appeal for 5 minutes.

OP posts:
WestminsterAbbey · 05/04/2023 22:28

I think clothes are not a great present for a 4 year old- just give them to her tomorrow

4 -6 is prime sticker age?

DVD- is is 2006? Do you own a DVD player?

JMSA · 05/04/2023 22:28

YABU.

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:30

WestminsterAbbey · 05/04/2023 22:28

I think clothes are not a great present for a 4 year old- just give them to her tomorrow

4 -6 is prime sticker age?

DVD- is is 2006? Do you own a DVD player?

Haha yes we do. DH loves buying DVDs from charity shops. In general if something is cheap he has to buy it even when we don't need it. Again, I'm not delighted about a living room shelf being taken up by DVD cases when it could all just be streamed...

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 05/04/2023 22:30

Because he wanted to. And it seems like you are vetoing it. I think it's nice. We have a multitude of threads in here when men don't bother and the fact they don't seem 'worthy' gifts seems ridiculous.

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 05/04/2023 22:30

Jesus christ, how joyless.

Your poor children "No Jacinta! You can't have a birthday cake, we had a Christmas cake!"

FrogsWormsandButterflies · 05/04/2023 22:30

I grew up in a household where we got 2/3 presents from our parents, I think at 4 it’s about quantity, kids want to rip into loads of presents!
I always make sure my DC have plenty to open

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 22:32

I'd get 3 or 4 nice more expensive presents, he'd get 10 cheap "filler" presents

Ask any 4 year old which they'd prefer every single time.....no 4 year old has a clue about value and how much something costs.

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:32

@FrogsWormsandButterflies but to clarify, they won't get 2 or 3 to open, we have about 10 with the ones from family, so plenty to rip into.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 05/04/2023 22:32

Things like jigsaws and books can be easily passed on to charity shops - you can have a constant rotation of these so they don't have to be clutter. You don't need to keep them forever.
Has a 4 year old really 'outgrown' sticker books? Surely that's when most are starting to get into them?

Moreorlessmentallystable · 05/04/2023 22:35

I am like you, hate the kids end up with so much, because the more they get the least they play with it...they have toys and books that haven't been touched, sticker books that have one or 2 stickers out, teddies (including those super expensive build a bear ones) that have been upstairs gathering dust because they don't get played with.. A few months ago, I pulled out about 35 board games/card games but they always play with the same 3-4 games... every 6 months or so I make a big bag or more and donate them..they don't even miss anything... I would much prefer they'd get an activity, tickets to something, vouchers or something that they will indeed use...

SparklingLime · 05/04/2023 22:35

Your approach does sound exceedingly worthy and joyless, OP.

Assign the decluttering to him this year?

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:37

Needmorelego · 05/04/2023 22:32

Things like jigsaws and books can be easily passed on to charity shops - you can have a constant rotation of these so they don't have to be clutter. You don't need to keep them forever.
Has a 4 year old really 'outgrown' sticker books? Surely that's when most are starting to get into them?

She is actually 4 turning 5. She loved them when she was 2, hours of lockdown fun! (we sat together as I had to help her get them off). Maybe it peaked too soon and that put her off for life! She's not interested now, wants to colour or do activity books though.

OP posts:
FullBloom · 05/04/2023 22:40

I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

Do you mean we or I? Did you discuss this together?

It does sound a bit as if you want to lay down the law. Not clear why your views prevail over his. You need to discuss and agree this stuff ahead.

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:41

Moreorlessmentallystable · 05/04/2023 22:35

I am like you, hate the kids end up with so much, because the more they get the least they play with it...they have toys and books that haven't been touched, sticker books that have one or 2 stickers out, teddies (including those super expensive build a bear ones) that have been upstairs gathering dust because they don't get played with.. A few months ago, I pulled out about 35 board games/card games but they always play with the same 3-4 games... every 6 months or so I make a big bag or more and donate them..they don't even miss anything... I would much prefer they'd get an activity, tickets to something, vouchers or something that they will indeed use...

"The more they get the less they play with it" - yes that's exactly what I mean.

And despite my "streamlined approach" from birth 😁, we also have dozens of board games already, there are only so many that can be played with.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 05/04/2023 22:43

@TooManyPresentsAgain where did he get the sticker books from? Could they be exchanged for colouring/activity books before being given to her?

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