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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed about presents

177 replies

TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:05

Every birthday and Christmas, DCs get 6 or 7 presents each from family. These aren't token presents, they're 'proper' presents as family ask what they want and we sit down with DH and give it some thought and see where presents can be bought jointly and balance "stuff" with things like days out etc.

So I think on top of this we should only get 2 or 3 presents ourselves for them as 20 presents a year is plenty surely!

Also our house is small so I have to regularly rotate toys/declutter to keep on top of things.

So I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

DH got another 10 things (10!) from the loft to be wrapped which he's bought over the last couple of weeks for her. No mention of it before. Nothing pricey but additional bits like puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games etc.

AIBU that it annoys me SO much? I suggested keeping some back for Christmas or other occasions as it's too many at once and he grumbled and is now annoyed with me (actually in the 10 presents there were a couple from last Christmas we'd saved back for her birthday as he had done it then too and it was way too many).

Happy to be told I'm a bah humbug but I just hate "stuff" and don't see the point! Stick to the plan!

OP posts:
Sneakyblinders · 06/04/2023 03:14

I agree with you - 10 presents combined is enough. Also Christmas was not that long ago.

By the time you've given out ideas to family, I struggle to find more stuff they actually would love - rather than just 'stuff'.

The pj stuff would annoy me - just because I hate waste (and live in a small place). At least buy the next size up!

Our DC have spring birthdays too and we sometimes 'bulk' out presents ie. stuff to unwrap by getting clothes for summer we would have needed to buy anyway eg. Beach stuff!

Jadviga · 06/04/2023 03:24

But I think it annoys me this much because he doesn't ever get involved in the toy rotation/decluttering so has no idea what we already have and just keeps buying more stuff we don't need/already have too many of.

Then surely this is what you need to work on. Get him to do the next decluttering so he experiences the annoyance first hand ?

I can see both POV's, too much stuff is annoying but I am guilty of getting way too much stuff for my own kids (to be fair they have no extended family to get them anything extra, it all comes from me). I love how happy they are to get something.

Cakeandcardio · 06/04/2023 03:43

I'm with you - 3 lovely presents is a lot. I hate all this 'filler' presents nonsense. It seems so over the top and unnecessary to me too. I actually get quite anxious about the amount of 'stuff' my DC receives at Christmas and birthdays as it just seems like the world doesn't need more crap in it.

Carrotpuffs · 06/04/2023 04:35

I agree with you OP. Wastes so much money and space, bad for the environment, etc. And it would be me thinking about what to rotate, donate, etc. despite DH generally being hands on.

My DH always wants to buy books but DC have hundreds and go to the library every 2 weeks. They really don't need any more books!

SquirrelsAreStinky · 06/04/2023 04:39

Surely it depends on the child?

If your child gets a bit overwhelmed by too many gifts then it makes sense to dial it back.

Conversely, if they love to rip into a huge pile of presents then knock yourself out getting them lots of stuff to open.

There’s quite a few snotty comments on here about tat and “pointless” presents - it’s almost as if some PP have forgotten that children aren’tt little adults. They’re children. And what we might think is tat, a child might love! I know my two have adored some of the most random, low-value gifts over the years!

My two DC love opening presents. I think they enjoy the opening more than actually playing with the present sometimes! They get so much joy from diving into a big stack - and I love seeing them enjoy it. They’re children for such a short time - there’s no need to make it so regimented.

MintJulia · 06/04/2023 05:39

You might not see the point of extra presents but it's not your birthday. And you aren't five.

TBH you sound a bit joyless and controlling. When is your child allowed to let her hair down and have a present fest (on her birthday !), and not worry about your super-tidy home?

thegrain · 06/04/2023 05:50

It's too much.

Poor kid will be overwhelmed

Anyfeckinusername · 06/04/2023 05:51

I hear you OP.

I very much believe there's a tipping point with gifting when the whole lot becomes devalued. Each year before a birthday I have to declutter and we find so much stuff from the previous year that was never noticed - it's sad. I know if my kids had a bit less, then they would "see" what they had.

I have a very close friend nearby and their house is like a sea of toys, they have absolutely everything and it's all broken, meaningless and unspecial. Now that makes me feel sad!

Shoxfordian · 06/04/2023 05:57

Is he like this for your birthday as well op?

SpookyBlackCat · 06/04/2023 06:18

I can relate to having a smaller space and dealing with clutter. I agree that he needs to help. He needs to understand that the space you have is the space you have and if it’s full, it needs to be one in one out. Hopefully that will help him understand.

GretaGood · 06/04/2023 06:29

My Dgd is only 7 but seems to have had every gift possible so ended up with clothes and shoes at Xmas rather than a pile of toys and books. I felt so disappointed for her but you can’t really buy the same stuff over again.

Spiderysenses · 06/04/2023 06:34

But I think it annoys me this much because he doesn't ever get involved in the toy rotation/decluttering so has no idea what we already have and just keeps buying more stuff we don't need/already have too many

I think this is your real problem. He needs to have a sort out with you, so you can chat whilst doing it and he'll know what are appropriate gifts. I don't think her gifts sound too much, especially when some are practical gifts. But things like PJs need to be the next size up etc. I'm guessing there is resentment at him leaving this to you.

And going off on a tangent - the comments about DVDs, we still use Blu-ray discs of favourites as the quality is superior. In addition, with streaming you never own anything, which whilst minimalist, your choices and future viewing are at the mercy of the streaming services.

stayathomer · 06/04/2023 06:35

I always hate on mn people deciding not to give eg toys or holding back presents because it’s tat/bad for the environment etc etc because you never ever know what children will adore and nobody did it to our generation growing up- we weren’t told‘here’s a save the whales voucher instead’ but imo yanbu, that sounds way too much!!!

teezletangler · 06/04/2023 06:48

I think at 4 it’s about quantity, kids want to rip into loads of presents!

I totally disagree with this, actually. IME small children get overwhelmed and frankly bored after opening a few gifts. Less is more.

I'm with you OP, it's a pointless waste of money and environmental resources to give filler gifts just for the sake of it, especially when most of our houses are stuffed full of kids' crap anyway. Filler is fine in Xmas stockings but I wouldn't do it for birthdays.

HAF1119 · 06/04/2023 07:26

I'm not really into filler presents either...

I would talk to your other half about in future and if he does want to pick up bits maybe agree on 5?

In this instance I would let it go and maybe wrap those and do a 'hunt' for them? With some little clues. If you did a hunt for 3 or 4 which she's not normally into and then used the item for a bit before looking for the next (put clue in the wrapping) you'll probably get at least a bit of use (half hour of stickers before moving on). Pjs at the end to put on for bed?

Curseofthenation · 06/04/2023 07:48

I agree with you OP. I would be pissed off if my DH completely ignored everything we initially agreed upon. Did he say why? It feels disrespectful.

We only buy a gift or two for our 2 year old on special occasions at the moment and I don't plan on going crazy in the future. Kids don't value things in the same way anymore because they are constantly being given new toys to add to their collections. It's also bloody awful for the planet.

malificent7 · 06/04/2023 07:51

Can't believe people calling you joyless. 10 filler presents is a lot. 5 extra is plenty. No wonder as a society we are fixated an excessive stuff. Far more joyful to appreciate fewer, better qualityr things.

DilemmaDelilah · 06/04/2023 07:55

I am from a one present from each person family so I really don't understand either of your approaches! That is one present (large) from us, one from each aunt or uncle, one from each set of grandparents etc. I can't be the only one, surely?

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 06/04/2023 07:58

dittbtdity · 05/04/2023 23:41

Here kiddies , have a sack full of plastic tat and a bunch of other stuff you don't need and won't play with. BECAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY

Show quote history

He hasn't bought plastic tat though has he.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/04/2023 08:01

stayathomer · 06/04/2023 06:35

I always hate on mn people deciding not to give eg toys or holding back presents because it’s tat/bad for the environment etc etc because you never ever know what children will adore and nobody did it to our generation growing up- we weren’t told‘here’s a save the whales voucher instead’ but imo yanbu, that sounds way too much!!!

I totally disagree, in my generation and those of my parents we did have fewer presents. I certainly didn’t ever have main presents and then another 10 little things on top.

BigGreen · 06/04/2023 08:05

Yanbu! Houses and flats are so small these days. Where do ppl find the space for all these 'filler' presents?

ChickenDhansak82 · 06/04/2023 08:06

It depends what the presents are.

I hate kids being spoiled. Presents should be something they're actually going use!

Not plastic tat that gets played with once then left I'm a box!

Things like PJs, clothes, days out are fine. Kids who have fewer toys use their imagination more playing with the ones they have!

Giveaschitt · 06/04/2023 08:10

What we're his birthdays like as a child? I ask because DH is like this, and it stems from his parents being very low key about birthdays and christmas, probably due to finances, so he only got one small present. As a result, he now feels the need to go the other way with our children, and will worry about there being "enough" presents every time.

dittbtdity · 06/04/2023 08:11

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 06/04/2023 07:58

He hasn't bought plastic tat though has he.

Show quote history

He's bought stuff she doesn't need and won't use, call it whatever you like. He's a bit of a knob.

AmyDudley · 06/04/2023 08:25

I also find it odd that people are calling you joyless, as if joy is connected to quantity of material possessions. 10 presents your DD will love is plenty, it seems that your DH thinks you show how much you love someone by how much you give them, so it is hard for him to understand that the thought put into fewer presents and time taken to make the day special is more important.
Maybe try to direct him into planning a special outing, some birthday game or suggest he bakes a cake, rather than waste money on tat your DD doesn't want. Maybe some of the stuff he has bought can be put away to use as presents for other kids parties.