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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed about presents

177 replies

TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:05

Every birthday and Christmas, DCs get 6 or 7 presents each from family. These aren't token presents, they're 'proper' presents as family ask what they want and we sit down with DH and give it some thought and see where presents can be bought jointly and balance "stuff" with things like days out etc.

So I think on top of this we should only get 2 or 3 presents ourselves for them as 20 presents a year is plenty surely!

Also our house is small so I have to regularly rotate toys/declutter to keep on top of things.

So I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

DH got another 10 things (10!) from the loft to be wrapped which he's bought over the last couple of weeks for her. No mention of it before. Nothing pricey but additional bits like puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games etc.

AIBU that it annoys me SO much? I suggested keeping some back for Christmas or other occasions as it's too many at once and he grumbled and is now annoyed with me (actually in the 10 presents there were a couple from last Christmas we'd saved back for her birthday as he had done it then too and it was way too many).

Happy to be told I'm a bah humbug but I just hate "stuff" and don't see the point! Stick to the plan!

OP posts:
Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:44

FullBloom · 05/04/2023 22:40

I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

Do you mean we or I? Did you discuss this together?

It does sound a bit as if you want to lay down the law. Not clear why your views prevail over his. You need to discuss and agree this stuff ahead.

Yes we did! We made a list of a dozen things, discussed what we would get, and what we could tell different family members to get if they asked. It was genuinely all agreed.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 05/04/2023 22:44

I am pretty surprised at the responses, I just don’t think everyone needs quite so much stuff as they have. A 4 year old has no concept of how many presents are a lot or not, they don’t need a few lovely main presents then a load of junk to go on top.

my husband has some cousins who have a huge house and it is utterly filled with stuff and more stuff like this. The children have no concept of value or anything because they have so many toys, books, games, little bits of absolutely everything

I’m with you OP, I think agreeing on a certain number of presents then sticking to it is fine. It’s not joyless to not want endless piles of tat in the house

AuntMarch · 05/04/2023 22:46

I think you are both BU and need to meet in the middle somewhere. At that age little presents can be loved as much as big ones, but I see your point about the almost duplicate pyjamas and sticker book she won't want.

You can't have too many books and puzzles as long as they are the right stage for them imo (well, you can have too many - but easy to pass the out grown ones on).

So I think YABU unreasonable to think there's anything wrong with enjoying lots of presents, especially while young enough to love the little things, but your OH is BU not to make them good ones (and by good I do NOT mean expensive. My kid lost his shit over a spiderman toothbrush in his stocking)

AliceMcK · 05/04/2023 22:58

Definitely bahh humbug! Sounds very controlled and regimented, I love nothing more than coming across something and buying it on a whim for my DDs birthdays of Christmas even if it’s not on our planned lists of presents.

The sticker book can be put in the car for car journeys or a table activity. And PJs are a perfectly acceptable present for a 4 yo, my DDs have always received clothes/pjs as present filler. ALSO you can never have too many of your favourite character PJs. And everything can be donated (except used sticker book) afterwards.

Now your thread has just encouraged me to go onto Amazon and buy the extra presents I was umming and arrring about for my DDs birthday next week, because, well I know they will love them.

As someone else said, so many dads don’t give a shit, your DH wants to spoil his DD, let him.

Sheruns · 05/04/2023 23:00

I totally get you. I'm not rich by any stretch but my children are growing up better off than I did. I limit prsents and avoid branded things. Mine are nine and seven and are too young to be overly materialistic. When the adults in my family ask for suggestions I often ask for vouchers for days out eg theres one of those farms where you see the cows get milked, bottle feed lambs, walk alpacas etc and my auntie bought us a family ticket for a gift. Nice to have the memories.

Other than that I think the rule of something you want, something you need, something to read is a good one to encourage family to follow. Can you suggest this?

Peachy2005 · 05/04/2023 23:01

Charity shop will be happy to see you coming 😀

Withnailandeye · 05/04/2023 23:02

Yeah I couldn’t get annoyed about my husband wanting to buy things for our daughters birthday TBH.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 05/04/2023 23:06

Books, games and clothes are things she should have bought either and are easily stored......your dislike of clutter is fair enough. But it's selfish to expect everyone in the house to live the way you want to.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 05/04/2023 23:08

Meh. I love getting DD a big pile of presents for her birthday. She loves it too. They're little for such a short time. Just enjoy it!

Bonneylass · 05/04/2023 23:11

I have to say I would be absolutely thrilled if my DH bought pressies for our kids. I do it all (such a mug I know). I think it’s really sweet that he’s got excited and bought her extra pressies.

Hope she has a lovely birthday

sofabedsofa · 05/04/2023 23:17

I feel exactly the same as you about stuff and presents. It’s just so overwhelming, and creates work and devalues other stuff.

But he’s their dad, he’s allowed a different approach.

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 23:22

@ShirleyPhallus @Sheruns thank you for making me feel slightly less unreasonable ! I agree with everything you say.

I get that my post comes across controlling though, so I take that on board and will definitely be more compromising with DH.

I just don't agree that it's all about the quantity and I don't think not wanting the children to be materialistic and getting used to piles of tat makes me joyless, it's setting them up for a happy life, not defined by how much they have.

As an aside, the posts saying that I should be happy with anything DH does because at least he's not useless like many makes me quite sad. That there are so many useless men out there that it's normal to use a lower benchmark for them. Not that I think he's any less amazing because he's bought too many presents, I just needed to vent!

OP posts:
Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 23:25

Oh thank you @Bonneylass and sorry your DH doesn't get involved 😔

OP posts:
adultdds · 05/04/2023 23:38

I normally give around ten pressies

dittbtdity · 05/04/2023 23:41

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 05/04/2023 22:30

Jesus christ, how joyless.

Your poor children "No Jacinta! You can't have a birthday cake, we had a Christmas cake!"

Here kiddies , have a sack full of plastic tat and a bunch of other stuff you don't need and won't play with. BECAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY

MirenaMisery · 05/04/2023 23:43

I think it's sweet that he made the effort! Let it go.

MrsDoylesDoily · 05/04/2023 23:49

As an aside, the posts saying that I should be happy with anything DH does because at least he's not useless like many makes me quite sad. That there are so many useless men out there that it's normal to use a lower benchmark for them.

Right, so get him to declutter and sort out the toys so you don't always have to do it.

Soapyspuds · 05/04/2023 23:52

As somebody who has lived in a really small house I can totally relate.

It is never him who has to decide what can be kept, what can be given to charity or sold, and what needs finding a place for.

From the viewpoint of not having enough space, I am totally with you on this.

If you have never experienced not having enough space, then you cannot comprehend how time consuming this is.

Paulisexcluded · 05/04/2023 23:53

I agree with you OP, hate clutter and think they can't focus on a ton of gifts. Needs to be discussed amd something settled upon for next time maybe as a compromise will help your DH feel part of the plan.

Think the repeated labels of joyless at you are a bit harsh !

WineIsMyMainVice · 05/04/2023 23:55

TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:18

Interesting, seems I am mostly unreasonable.

@Singularity82 they seem practical but take clothes - he bought PJs with her favourite character on. She's already got 2 of those in the same size (not the exact same pyjamas, but both short sleeved PJ'S with the character on), as well as another god knows how many pyjamas. So really it's unnecessary.

Books - a sticker book. We have about 10 in the living room, she's outgrown them and not really done sticker books for a couple of years.

I guess the whole concept of "filler" presents escapes me too. You don't need filler presents if you're getting perfectly lovely presents. And the planet doesn't need more stuff to be manufactured just for the sake of it so there is a big pile of presents in the morning.

But I think it annoys me this much because he doesn't ever get involved in the toy rotation/decluttering so has no idea what we already have and just keeps buying more stuff we don't need/already have too many of.

I’m absolutely with you OP! On all levels.
YANBU.

BritInAus · 06/04/2023 00:00

Totally understand. Esp the PJs that are a) all summer and b) same character. If it was a dressing gown/oodie/slippers/swimming towel that you needed/didn't have, it'd be much more useful. Sounds like you could meet in the middle.
And definitely agree to stop buying DVDs!! Who still buys DVDs? That's a very easy way to free up space.

Greenpin · 06/04/2023 00:29

I agree with you. That's a silly amount of presents. Also if you start with this amount now it will become an expectation to carry it on every Christmas and birthday. Those cheap little gifts that make the pile look so big and inviting are not nearly so easy to find for a 10 year old. Three presents is sensible.

SophiaSW1 · 06/04/2023 00:53

Absolutely YABU

EllandRd · 06/04/2023 02:52

TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:18

Interesting, seems I am mostly unreasonable.

@Singularity82 they seem practical but take clothes - he bought PJs with her favourite character on. She's already got 2 of those in the same size (not the exact same pyjamas, but both short sleeved PJ'S with the character on), as well as another god knows how many pyjamas. So really it's unnecessary.

Books - a sticker book. We have about 10 in the living room, she's outgrown them and not really done sticker books for a couple of years.

I guess the whole concept of "filler" presents escapes me too. You don't need filler presents if you're getting perfectly lovely presents. And the planet doesn't need more stuff to be manufactured just for the sake of it so there is a big pile of presents in the morning.

But I think it annoys me this much because he doesn't ever get involved in the toy rotation/decluttering so has no idea what we already have and just keeps buying more stuff we don't need/already have too many of.

You are very controlling

LadyJ2023 · 06/04/2023 03:11

You sound a little controlling to me. I've never heard of anyone I know having a discussion about how many or not many presents a child should have. Your kindof taking the fun of giving out of it. Why does it matter for goodness sake the bairn is going to have a lovely day, her daddy got a few extra things so what...exactly what my hubby does for our 4 and do I care no im happy that he actually thinks about them