To get annoyed about presents

[TooManyPresentsAgain]

Every birthday and Christmas, DCs get 6 or 7 presents each from family. These aren't token presents, they're 'proper' presents as family ask what they want and we sit down with DH and give it some thought and see where presents can be bought jointly and balance "stuff" with things like days out etc.

So I think on top of this we should only get 2 or 3 presents ourselves for them as 20 presents a year is plenty surely!

Also our house is small so I have to regularly rotate toys/declutter to keep on top of things.

So I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

DH got another 10 things (10!) from the loft to be wrapped which he's bought over the last couple of weeks for her. No mention of it before. Nothing pricey but additional bits like puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games etc.

AIBU that it annoys me SO much? I suggested keeping some back for Christmas or other occasions as it's too many at once and he grumbled and is now annoyed with me (actually in the 10 presents there were a couple from last Christmas we'd saved back for her birthday as he had done it then too and it was way too many).

Happy to be told I'm a bah humbug but I just hate "stuff" and don't see the point! Stick to the plan!

I am 100% in agreement OP but you’re fighting a losing battle on MN. I’ve been on many a thread about birthday parties where people are a ‘killjoy’ if they dare express for other children not to bring presents to a birthday party. Apparently the biggest enjoyment to be had is ripping open the wrapping paper from a huge pile of presents because the parents remember it from their own childhood. It is more important than the stress and effort of arranging the party and celebrating with friends too according to many!

Never mind the environmental disaster we are walking into from the mindless consumerism. Even if we don’t have the capacity to store the presents, we should make no effort to restrict as otherwise our child will be left out 🙄 Regifting is also forbidden and we should never donate in case it offends the gift giver.

My children are like you describe - they get overwhelmed with too much choice and don’t know what to play with. They don’t need countless presents and we try teach them to value experiences more than stuff.

I do understand to some degree, I’m kinda the other way in I like to get my girls lots of girls main present and little ones. No matter how many times i tell my parents not to go overboard with gifts my mum does and always ends up getting them more than me. I don’t want it to be a competition but I’m there mum and I also don’t want my gifts devalued when I’ve spent so much time and thought into it. My mums tends to go for quantity not quality and even when I told her what to get DD something she’d love my mum said ‘it was too small and expensive for what it was’ I said it wasn’t about the size and it was under the value she budgeted. I know I shouldn’t be ungrateful but things like that do frustrate me. They end up hardly playing or appreciating things.
I asked for the same with Easter eggs but no doubt they’re be more that I bought.

Let your daughter enjoy the presents from her father. You can donate them to charity in the future if they aren't used. Maybe it's just the way you've worded your post but you sound quite controlling.

Just you wait til she has a primary school birthday party.

There goes your control.

I think books, pyjamas and board games are the sort of things you’d buy them anyway so it wouldn’t bother me. DVD’s would annoy me- I didn’t know people still bought them. Can’t you just stream everything to save space?

I’ll add, I hate loads of unnecessary clutter. We tend to do experience gifts like legoland, Disneyland etc then a few things for the kids as we have 5 kids and have all the toys already.

Blimey! Who is buying Disneyland park tickets for a family with five kids? Will they adopt me?

YANBU
I agree with you.
Presents are annoying. 'Stuff' is annoying.

I told everyone, 1 big present of DC choosing from all of us, couple tiny ones max, like chocolate or hairbits etc.
If they want to spend more, DC has a trust, put the money there. If they show up with bigger presents it’ll go to either to charity or back to the shop.

Happily. But you are buying your own mickey ears.

I hate excessive gift buying. I want our children to value what they have and not have things for the sake of stuff. I'm with you

YANBU, that sounds like a ridiculous amount of presents for a small child. "Puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games" would/should be normal presents for most kids but here we are in an age of excess where these are deemed to be "small" or "filler" presents.

@TooManyPresentsAgain put by your 3 gifts for Christmas and give the ones he’s chose this time

yep agree, silly people showing off. Just give a child one present and they will really value and appreciate it. why do they need lots of stuff, they need love not presents.
How many kids get loads of presents only to realise later on that things are broken and lost and not looked after. How many people can remember what they even had.

No wonder the worlds in such a mess.

But he chose the three we were going to give DD too! Just decided to add loads on top for no reason. And those 3 are the ones she's been wanting for ages and is really excited for.

"what he’s effectively doing is enjoying the momentary gratification of giving something to a child, while dumping extra housework onto the OP." - yes you hit the nail on the head.

This week he has bought 2 new Easter baskets for the DC to use during their Easter egg hunt on Sunday. We already have 3 (which he knows as they are in the living room as there is nowhere else for them to go). So we now have 5 for 2 DC.

The resentment is also that he whinges when I declutter and put stuff on rotation in the loft or garage, saying it's annoying that I keep filling them with junk. Somehow the "junk" is perfectly fine in the living room where we see it and trip over it everyday but not in the holy garage. Junk that he chose to buy unnecessarily in the first place.

Urgh.

Thank you, nice to know it is not just me!

Thank you, nice to know it is not just me!

Sounds like quite controlling behaviour from you to be honest. Your husband is allowed to get gifts for his child is he not.

I get you are annoyed about the clutter ..but it’s daddy’s way of showing love and he wants to spoil her ! Let him. Let’s not take the sweetness out of it .. even if she has outgrown few . In the bigger scheme of things does this really matter? Better still if she chooses no not play with some things then he can take cue from it . Maybe ask him to declutter ..

So you’re upset he’s made an effort for your child’s birthday? Did he pay for them himself with his own money? Is it wrong he wants to spoil his kids? I think your priorities need to shift a little. It’s not about how many gifts they get it’s about sharing their birthdays as a family.

You’re right, OP. It’s excessive.

It means clutter and waste. Awful.

@Cam22 why is pyjamas (will be worn and then passed on when outgrown), books (will be read and then passed on when outgrown), jigsaws (something to do and then passed on when outgrown), "clutter and waste"? They are just normal things that people own, use and can pass on.

Only on mumsnet is doing a ‘toy rotation’ a massive deal. Up there with ‘paying bills’ as a chore and ‘life admin’.