To get annoyed about presents

[TooManyPresentsAgain]

Every birthday and Christmas, DCs get 6 or 7 presents each from family. These aren't token presents, they're 'proper' presents as family ask what they want and we sit down with DH and give it some thought and see where presents can be bought jointly and balance "stuff" with things like days out etc.

So I think on top of this we should only get 2 or 3 presents ourselves for them as 20 presents a year is plenty surely!

Also our house is small so I have to regularly rotate toys/declutter to keep on top of things.

So I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

DH got another 10 things (10!) from the loft to be wrapped which he's bought over the last couple of weeks for her. No mention of it before. Nothing pricey but additional bits like puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games etc.

AIBU that it annoys me SO much? I suggested keeping some back for Christmas or other occasions as it's too many at once and he grumbled and is now annoyed with me (actually in the 10 presents there were a couple from last Christmas we'd saved back for her birthday as he had done it then too and it was way too many).

Happy to be told I'm a bah humbug but I just hate "stuff" and don't see the point! Stick to the plan!

I’m with you. I want my children to value material things and that quality is better than quantity. They open one present, take one look then onto the next one. It then gets forgotten.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable

Kids value the space to play more than filling every spare inch with tat for the sake of having tat.

I've had arguments with my mother before as she's insisted on bringing the kids some plastic crap everytime she sees them which is very regularly.
It's not needed. They dont need it. It gets played with for 5 minutes and ends up in the charity shop bag.

I think parents that do this are actually filling some need within themselves and not actually thinking about the needs of the children

And as for the plastic landfill tat. Well that's another story.

If people want to buy filler presents etc I encourage things that will get used up/are consumables... Eg character bubble baths /flannel, sweets, baking kits . Things that won't end up in the house for yonks

The fact that kids open piles of crap in kid-fluencer “unboxing videos” is….literally a good reason NOT to encourage this kind of behavior at home?

Don’t let your child watch that kind of rubbish if it’s influencing them. Also, kidfluencer crap is exploitative and IMO there should be laws governing the use of minors in this kind of material.

I totally agree with this sentiment. Loving opening loads of presents is also a learned behaviour.

For my eldest’s first birthday, she had a little party at home. Each present she got she wanted to sit and play with, it actually made her upset when we tried to pull her away from it to open the next present (the recipients were all there waiting to see her reaction).

Then last Christmas, both my kids got so many presents (not from us, we only got them a couple each) that by dinner time, they both point blank refused to open any more.

We had to take the rest home with us and the kids weren’t ready to open any more until dinner time the following day.

It’s happened numerous times where they’ve become overwhelmed by the number of presents and gotten upset by it, and we don’t even buy them that many, it’s other people that feel the need to spoil them.

@doomkittycleo yes I was actually going to ask PPs who said it depends on the child what they prefer whether it really is down to the child's personality, or just what they are used to. I really think "loving ripping into a big pile" is learnt behaviour.

@user1477391263 I didn't know kid-fluencer unboxing videos was a thing! 😵

@Teaismymiddlename if family brought plastic tat every time they saw DC it would drive me absolutely crazy, I'd have to stop seeing them!!

Just chill a bit and stop trying to control what you DH gets your DC as presents! The few presents is your idea, not his.

They will start to expect lots of presents and that can lead to a lack of gratitude.

Rubbish, my DCs get loads and I’ve never once had any lack of gratitude. They know and understand that they are very lucky.

And people, seriously, give it a rest with the constant “plastic tat” crap! Not every extra present, filler is “plastic tat”! The op has already said the filler presents are sticker books, board games, pj’s, books NOT PLASTIC TAT 🙄

@AliceMcK obviously plastic tat is the extreme but excessive gifts is an issue in general even if it isn't plastic tat and we'd be kidding ourselves to pretend it isn't (see climate crisis).

A few PP suggested I let DH buy anything he wants and can just do a charity shop run in a few months if it's not being used. Surely it would be a better use of resources to just donate the money to charity directly then and save ourselves the whole rigmarole of stuff getting manufactured, shipped, purchased, sat in our house for a while, taken to charity shop and (hopefully!) being repurchased. Just doesn't make sense to me.

I agree that it's wasteful. If the OP has to throw away a bunch of stuff they got at Christmas that has only been played with once to make space to put the new stuff, then it's wasteful. They only have so much space in their house.

Take away the word 'plastic' and you're still left with piles of pointless TAT that the child doesn't want or need.

YANBU, there should be a special hell place reserved for people who insist on bringing clutter in without taking any responsibility for managing the living space.

I voted YABU because although as you say ,you feel all these presents arent good for the enviroment and a bit OTT overall.Surely your DH is allowed to buy her some things if he wants to.Maybe you should work out between you some main presents and a few bits and bobs to buy from each of you

Yadnbu OP. I agree 100%. This excessive buying of gifts is selfish and inconsiderate on so many levels and those of us who get this are always vilified. Keep fighting the good fight - it is the harder path but the world needs more people like you x

May I venture to say that your husband's 'excessive buying' of things that clutter your small 3-bed house pales into utter insignificance when compared to the real environmental problem of the super-rich and their fucking whims.

Let him buy his tat, and vive la revolution.

I think it’s worth pointing out that donating stuff to charity shops in a responsible way is time consuming. You have to go through stuff, decide what is worth giving and what is not, remove anything broken, stained or dangerous, check multi-piece items to make sure all the pieces are there, assemble things or plug them in to check they work. Then wipe or clean in some way.

If you are just throwing piles of stuff into a bag, complete with any resident dust or finger prints, without checking it properly in this way, you are creating hassle for the charity shop person.

Spending excessive amounts of time on this kind of activity is tiresome and creates resentment.

It depends if he is the one who has to help their daughter clean their room or not. Cleaning is so much harder in a cluttered house. If he’s making more work for the OP, that isn’t fair.

I think your husband was being kind and thoughtful buying presents. Granted it sounds a little over the top but they do sound practical. Prehaps you could each select a separate one or two items each year rather than you selecting everything. Or gift an experience and let family buy the other gifts.

To me it also sounds like you recently cleared out the house and are overwhelmed by the amount of toys and then knowing that more are come in and also knowing the volume is stressful. I find it over whelming too expecially when half of it isn't played with.

YABU!!!!! You can NEVER have too many books 😱😅😅😅😅

I initially voted YABU but having read your other posts I've changed it to YANBU.
I'm guilty of buying my 3 DDs "filler presents" but youre right, they usually love them for a couple of days/weeks then get donated to charity when we next have a clear out. I think your approach is a much better way. However, it sounds like your husband's extra buying was well intentioned.
Hope she has a lovely birthday 🎂

My mum is a bit like this. Stop with the filler presents. My children do not need another notebook, pencil, puzzle or book in their lives for a good few tears tbh. Give them a cinema voucher and leave it at that. Or a theatre ticket. Or take them to your house for a whole weekend so I can have a lie in past 6:30. That would be the best gift to us all. No. More. Stuff.

I'm with you! I'm constantly trying to simplify our lives so we don't spend half of it tidying up - and it's taken years to reduce the flow of gifts from family. We're down to 4-5 from family now and some will be tickets/days out, and we tend to get maybe 4-5. So far this has covered everything they've asked for and not been over our budget, but assume this may change as they get older 🙈 I sometimes send family pictures of the 10,000 items of stationary we own to remind them we have enough stuff! I'll always get second hand if I can as well.. you're right, the world doesn't need more rubbish being produced for things not even be needed/wanted.

Such a kind post, thank you!

Yes it really does simplify life. For me it's the amount of time we spend looking for things because you have to move lots out of the way first. And thats despite me being quite organised. I'd love a minimalist home/life!

I agree with OP to an extent but have come to realise im fighting a losing battle and have just let it go now. It used to drive me mad when family spoiled my son with large gifts that we didn't have any room for and he played with once (or not at all because he had so much). I distinctly remember one christmas taking a photo of our living room which was rammed with toys - you literally couldnt move and asked family not to buy any more big items as we have no room. They just laughed and said thats what being a parent is all about when they're young. I was hormonal from having a new born and did not see the funny side. I've asked repeatedly for smaller gifts and if they desperately want to spend more money then a contribution to his savings account would be better. My father does this and DS now has nearly 5k saved up - much better than gifts which get donated to charity after a few months and will come in much more useful for him when he's older. Other family members still get them gifts but I've given up telling them now and they're getting bigger now so the gifts are getting smaller so less of a stress to declutter nowadays. However, I'm also guilty of buying too much. The earlier I start shipping for Christmas, the more they get as I find I just don't stop until December anyway regardless of when I start. I forget what I've bought or just convince myself it isn't enough and keep buying so I'm just as bad!

When my dc were small I came to England to see my parents. They had lots of green shield stamps, full booklets. Dad and I went to the special shop and I shopped. I don't remember what I bought except for 1 gift for my daughter that I remember. A tea set. How she loved it. But I'm sure they got a mixture of good and bad gifts.
I was always in charge of buying presents and wrapping was done at the shop. One never got more than the other.