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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed about presents

177 replies

TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:05

Every birthday and Christmas, DCs get 6 or 7 presents each from family. These aren't token presents, they're 'proper' presents as family ask what they want and we sit down with DH and give it some thought and see where presents can be bought jointly and balance "stuff" with things like days out etc.

So I think on top of this we should only get 2 or 3 presents ourselves for them as 20 presents a year is plenty surely!

Also our house is small so I have to regularly rotate toys/declutter to keep on top of things.

So I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

DH got another 10 things (10!) from the loft to be wrapped which he's bought over the last couple of weeks for her. No mention of it before. Nothing pricey but additional bits like puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games etc.

AIBU that it annoys me SO much? I suggested keeping some back for Christmas or other occasions as it's too many at once and he grumbled and is now annoyed with me (actually in the 10 presents there were a couple from last Christmas we'd saved back for her birthday as he had done it then too and it was way too many).

Happy to be told I'm a bah humbug but I just hate "stuff" and don't see the point! Stick to the plan!

OP posts:
ExperiencedTeacher · 06/04/2023 17:41

I’m with you OP. I loathe the excess stuff my kids get at birthdays/Christmas/Easter/other random time grandparents decide to spoil them with pointless plastic crap. Thankfully my husband is with me on this!

LumpySpaceGoddess · 06/04/2023 17:46

Well I think if you can afford it then it’s not an issue, I wish I could spoil my two more but the older they get the less they are getting as everything is just so expensive!

Mumof3girks · 06/04/2023 17:57

Throw all the rubbish he has added extra out. You've agreed on what to buy and it shows he doesn't know his kid by buying the same clothes as she already has and that she no. Longer plays with the damn annoying sticker books.

Elaina87 · 06/04/2023 19:48

It sounds like it's a plan for you and not for him, it's not an agreement - you've just told him. He sounds like a lovely dad who is making the effort, many dads just leave it up to Mum to think about and buy the presents. He also hasn't bought rubbish, he's bought things to keep her entertained and occupied, or wear. You definitely need to take a chill pill with this one.

AnnaMagnani · 06/04/2023 20:03

It's not making the effort though is it if he doesn't know his own child well enough to buy stuff she actually likes.

He's just shopping because it makes him feel good about himself.

CM1897 · 06/04/2023 20:15

TooManyPresentsAgain · 05/04/2023 22:05

Every birthday and Christmas, DCs get 6 or 7 presents each from family. These aren't token presents, they're 'proper' presents as family ask what they want and we sit down with DH and give it some thought and see where presents can be bought jointly and balance "stuff" with things like days out etc.

So I think on top of this we should only get 2 or 3 presents ourselves for them as 20 presents a year is plenty surely!

Also our house is small so I have to regularly rotate toys/declutter to keep on top of things.

So I've been excited about the 3 lovely thought out presents we got for DD's birthday next week and thought I'd do a wrapping session tonight.

DH got another 10 things (10!) from the loft to be wrapped which he's bought over the last couple of weeks for her. No mention of it before. Nothing pricey but additional bits like puzzles, books, clothes, DVDs but also some board games etc.

AIBU that it annoys me SO much? I suggested keeping some back for Christmas or other occasions as it's too many at once and he grumbled and is now annoyed with me (actually in the 10 presents there were a couple from last Christmas we'd saved back for her birthday as he had done it then too and it was way too many).

Happy to be told I'm a bah humbug but I just hate "stuff" and don't see the point! Stick to the plan!

I’d get them some presents and an experience. A trip to the theatre or a day out. Make memories instead of clutter. Belongings just end up in landfill

Doglovesbooksx · 06/04/2023 20:34

Tbh I'm surprised how many people think you are BU! On one hand it does sound like your approach is quite regimented (I wonder if deep down DH isn't really on board?) but on the other hand I totally agree with the less is more / anti materialistic / quality over quantity idea. People in general consume far too much and I don't like it when well meaning friends or relatives fill our house with loads of things my kids don't really need in the name of "spoiling them" or "giving them things to open" (?!). I'm then left with the guilt / burden of dealing with all the stuff.

User839516 · 06/04/2023 20:41

Oh OP I am SO with you on this!! Luckily present buying for the children is the absolute last thing my DH would do (unless it was going to collect a specific thing I had asked him to) so he doesn’t interfere 😂 but also he does agree with me re all the unnecessary STUFF!!

GGee123 · 06/04/2023 21:20

Mine have always loved their small filler presents more than the expensive, "thought out" presents. I think it's lovely DH has made the effort to buy presents for DD, it probably gave him a lot of pleasure. 10 isn't too many presents at all, & if they aren't expensive then it's no bother to clear them out in the next declutter if your DD isn't interested in them

Original poster
TooManyPresentsAgain · 06/04/2023 21:45

GGee123 · 06/04/2023 21:20

Mine have always loved their small filler presents more than the expensive, "thought out" presents. I think it's lovely DH has made the effort to buy presents for DD, it probably gave him a lot of pleasure. 10 isn't too many presents at all, & if they aren't expensive then it's no bother to clear them out in the next declutter if your DD isn't interested in them

But it's 10 on top of the 10 (if not 15) she's already going to receive). I feel like that's so much! Also it's a bit of bother to declutter, and a waste of money if we do end up not using them.

OP posts:
GirlsAndPenguins · 06/04/2023 22:49

I’m your husband I think 🤣.
I love a bargain. Love my daughter to have a fair bit to open, and I would be less than impressed if DH started telling me what I can and can’t buy.
Sometimes this bites me in the butt when DH went out and bought a surprise giant Spider-Man play set as an extra surprise for DD but I can’t complain as I would do the same! We definitely don’t have the room and my house looks like a branch of Smyths but DD loved it and is happy so I’ll have a tidy house when she moves out I guess 😂

WitheredandOld · 06/04/2023 23:05

We do a more streamlined approach to after one Christmas where amongst all the grandkids they stopped paying attention to what they opening!

Typically they get 4 presents for birthday (and at least three presents from grandparents and aunts on top). Then they have a small or big party (alternating years) so another 3-12 presents from that.

for Christmas they get a decent Santa stocking with 6-8 things (last year their Santa presents was a new backpack each which they desperately wanted with a present in every pocket) plus another 4 or so presents under the tree from us plus another 4-5 from family.

We still struggle with the clutter! I’m doing a clear out this weekend.

doomkittycleo · 07/04/2023 09:54

I totally agree with you on this, your DH would drive me mad.

Luckily my DH and I are on the same page on this.

Family spoil my kids rotten, so much so that the kids don’t even know what toys they have as the toy box is so full.

I keep trying to have a clear out, but the new presents come round before I can sort through the old ones.

For my youngest’s next birthday (she’ll be 3), I have bought her a balance bike (granted it’s an expensive brand £120 for a second hand but like new), but that’s the only present we’re getting her.

Anything else that I think she’d like I will keep on a list so that I can suggest it to family members if they ask for ideas.

Kids who have too much stuff don’t get the benefit of it because they become so overwhelmed, it’s not good for you as the house becomes cluttered and it’s not good for them because they can’t decide what to play with.

sumayyah · 07/04/2023 17:48

I guess I would be your husband in this situation
I tend to buy my son main gifts from me, a gift from his sister and fillers such as books, small sensory toys, clothing I wouldn't normally get such as character PJ's........ A relative will get two gifts both usually big toys that son doesn't bother with but fit in with relatives hobbies/interests

I have a rule that if toys aren't reached for in 6 months then then they go to charity, even those still untouched in box, mine and relatives alike

Can you do similar? Have a box for unplayed with things and if your child's not bothered getting it after a set time then out it goes?

Ohhoho · 07/04/2023 17:58

I’m with you OP. Less is more. Somehow too much and they get devalued. I know you are the thinking caring one. And I’d be p’eeed off too. 🤗

RockyReef · 07/04/2023 18:47

I completely agree with you - so many children receive way too much in the way of 'filler' presents and a lot of it is just plastic tat. Our kids get 1 main gift from us. Sometimes it's something expensive, like a new piece of kit for one of their sports which might cost £300, and sometimes its something that has been bought secondhand or is just less monetary value say about £30-40, but if that's what they really want and we think it will be played with then that's what they get. Then I usually also buy them a couple of books as both are avid readers, and one small thing as well (maybe a small Lego set, or a rugby ball etc). They don't do any tech or screens yet as they've no interest in that sort of thing thankfully. So it's usually round 3 or 4 gifts from us, one from their sibling (just something small) and they also receive gifts from various family members as well. It usually works out around 10-12 gifts in total which is plenty for birthdays and at Christmas. I do also buy them small things like books from charity shops periodically as well, for no reason other than I see a book one of them would like. They've certainly never complained about the presents they get and luckily both our families understand we would rather they had fewer, but better quality, or more environmentally friendly gifts than lots of crap. They love an experience as well, now they are edging towards secondary age, which is great as it requires no storage space! I am quite Montessori in my approach to parenting and so less is more, and always has been. Thankfully my husband has no interest in the choosing of any gifts for the children, unless it is to do with one specific sports interest!

Lovetotravel123 · 07/04/2023 19:16

I think you are right. They will start to expect lots of presents and that can lead to a lack of gratitude.

Lcb123 · 07/04/2023 19:19

I’m with you - hate excessive gifts. I’d be seriously pushing back, there’s a climate crisis. And who buys DVDs 😂

Clementineorsatsuma · 07/04/2023 19:24

Kids love unwrapping stuff! (See the videos online!)
So yes lots to unwrap is a major part of a birthday or Christmas.

toxic44 · 07/04/2023 19:58

Maybe he enjoys seeing the child pleased and excited and gleeful. Maybe he likes to get things for her. Lighten up a bit, let them both enjoy an innocent pleasure. You can always 'disapear' the items you don't approve of.

Morgysmum · 07/04/2023 19:58

He sounds like my partner. He tends to go over board and buys our son loads for his birthday, after agreeing not to buy too much.
Ours, sons birthday, is only 11 days after Christmas. Yes he goes overboard for Christmas too. I have tried to get him to scale back, as he is the one complaining that the he doesn't play with all his toys.
I grew up with one present off santa and 1 off our parents. For birthday we got 1 main present, That was it. He got way more for Christmas and thought I was being tight, no I grew up in a loving family, that didn't have loads of money to buy there kids love. (I think his parents did) I know that sounds harsh, but me and my sister where happy with our 2 presents at Christmas and birthday present. That we didn't think it odd to not have loads.
I think some people, go over the top on presents, then get into debt, trying to beat the amount of presents from the year before.

JaneyB321 · 07/04/2023 20:04

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I dislike 'stuff' for the sake of 'stuff' as well, and as you say, it is bad for the planet and will probably end up in landfill.

Sometimeswinning · 07/04/2023 20:47

User839516 · 06/04/2023 20:41

Oh OP I am SO with you on this!! Luckily present buying for the children is the absolute last thing my DH would do (unless it was going to collect a specific thing I had asked him to) so he doesn’t interfere 😂 but also he does agree with me re all the unnecessary STUFF!!

Yeah that's pretty sad that he has no interest other than direction.

I'm not understanding why you have made this decision when he's obviously elsewhere in his planning! I hate tat. My dh, as its appeared over the years does not think the same as me. Its just been alot of shocked faces from both of us when dc open presents.

FedUpWithEverything123 · 07/04/2023 21:10

YABVU
In the gentlest way, you sound very controlling

Ameteurmum · 07/04/2023 21:33

I agree about excessiveness and tat and we have stress every Christmas about the sheer volume of presents my children get from their grandparents and aunt (when we just had one I thought everyone was just a bit excited but it’s worse now there is 3) however I will say with my children it’s quantity over quality at this age. They want to see a pile of presents and would sooner have 20 things to open from the pound shop rather than one present that was £20. They will appreciate thoughtful and useful gifts when they are older, now they just want shit