To not want my MIL in my bedroom

[OMalleytheAlleyyCat]

I'm on maternity leave and once a week MIL comes over to watch DS for a few hours.

I sleep in a bed beside DS's cot in the nursery and DH sleeps in the master.

Because my bedroom is also technically "the nursery" my MIL feels she can go into it as she pleases.

Her argument is she needs to be able to put DS down for his naps but the time she regularly comes doesn't overlap with his nap times, I always put him down before and after her visits.

She may need to go in there occasionally to get a muslin etc but I feel she needs to be more respectful and only go in when necessary.

DH has had to explicitly tell her not to lie in my bed. She's constantly taking things out of the nursery and scattering them around the house.

But the other day she really pee'd me off - DS was still napping when she came - I was alone in the kitchen and saw him cry on the babycam, I walked into the nursery to find her half on the bed with her face up to him. I thought she was in the living room! He did his scared "wtf" cry and I said annoyed "oh...hello..?!" and DH, also annoyed, asked her to leave (he works from home).

She said "he was already awake" but that's not the point!! I feel like a teenager shouting at my mum (in law) "get out of my room!!"

AIBU?

Does MIL have problems with boundaries in other areas of your lives?

She is aware it's my bedroom, she's previously been asked not to get into the bed for that reason.

Why would you share a bedroom with your baby rather than your husband? All three of you together until baby goes in his own room.

Lol...I want a picture baby with the responses of a much older child....maybe baby is actually a 5 year old.

She didn't get into the bed this time though, did she? She was "Half on it" watching her DGS wake up.

If her smokers breath is your issue how can you bear her holding breathing or existing near your baby come on there has to be a back story.....

You know, this is a separate issue, but the whole "baby should be sleeping in their own room through the night from 6 months, let them cry it out" stuff is a very western concept. In most countries in the world mother and child share a room/bed through prescool.

It's also very old school. I don't feel I have a problem with his sleeping. That serious enough for you?

Clearly, you just want to discuss your MIL and not deeper issues. Like your own behaviour and your baby's sleeping issues. That's a shame, but your choice.

I can't see why an adult woman (possibly younger than me- my DCs are in their 30s) would get into a bed during the day if she has come to offer childcare.
And she is a smoker. Lovely.

OP your life sounds chaotic. Why are you filling 2 laundry baskets a day?
And is that supposed to be the reason why you can't get a pair of pants off th e floor into them?

You might find this article about babies sleeping in their own rooms helpful.
The idea that they are safer in with their parents have now been shown to be based on limited evidence. They now say babies sleep better on their own after 4 months. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/06/05/531582634/babies-sleep-better-in-their-own-rooms-after-4-months-study-finds

Shes doing you the favour.

You don't think you are a teenager - but you throw your dirty laundry on the floor, two adults and one baby create a washing load and two overflowing laundry baskets every day, you get annoyed at the people helping you., and you act like an ungrateful brat. That is the definition of a teenager.

Your update- so you are from another culture? Are you living in the UK?

How long do you expect to sleep with your son?

I mean, we’re all over the age of 14 so it’s pretty believable we’re capable of using laundry baskets.

You sound like someone every mil’s son should avoid!

It was the same look he does when we use the blender haha! And it is "WTF?!?!?" followed by a high pitched squeeky "I'm scared" cry.

OP, you have gotten some very nasty and irrelevant comments on here. Typical mumsnet with people judging you for your sleeping set up, dirty laundry, having a period and the fact your 8 month old doesn't sleep through yet.

The fact is if you have made it clear to MIL that the bed is your space and she should not use it, she is being disrespectful. You have set a boundary and she needs to respect it. You don't need to justify why you have that boundary to her or anyone here.

Maybe try have everything set up outside of room for her so she has no reason to go in. I also think it's fair to say she doesn't wake up from naps. I wouldn't want someone different in my face when I just wake up. She definitely needs to be more respectful, good thing is your DH is on side, maybe get him to explain again.

You’re being ridiculous and ungrateful

Sorry. Yabu! Go and nap in ur “husband’s room. Weird rules and restrictions and feel bad for your mil

Perhaps the MIL is slipping into bed for a go with 'Big Pinkie'

A lot to unpack here. To your first point yes. My post does not say "how can I get DS to sleep in his own room?" but that is now the bulk of advice!

I find the whole "your 8 month old isn't sleeping through the night and your laundry basket is full, you life is in TATTERS, seek HELP" ott - I'm fine, just want my MIL out my bed.

I don't do a laundry basket worth of laundry a day, what I said was I do laundry every day and my basket is still, magically full. This is a new development since the baby.

I am starting to wonder if I should get a third basket lol.

Thanks for the advice but I usually follow national guidance when it comes to safe sleeping rather than being led by the results of one study.

Do you have your own mum to help ?

Why would she have to explain to you how long she intends to share a room with her child?

Assuming you've heard of SIDs? Not so much an issue in.hotter countries, but it is in colder Western countries with different norms and customs. Also science has discovered quite a lot of things in the last 30 years. Pick up a book or have a look at some research papers, you just might learn a thing or two

I'm of the "MIL isn't fully to blame and OP is BU" camp, but I think you should let it go. For a while now, you've been making yourself look very unreasonable interrogating OP repeatedly, demanding her life history/background, and shaming her – all totally irrelevant to her original query.

@Bagsundermyeyestoday The advice has changed so maybe update yourself? The NHS is a bi t behind the times as always but the latest research from the US contradicts the 'received wisdom' currently out there on sleeping in the same room for 6-12 months. Maybe do some research yourself?

Nope, I don't because you know, I'm an adult and can put my dirty clothes in the wash basket