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Original poster

My day versus his day

1000 replies

Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 10:42

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

OP posts:
DaaamnYoullDo · 05/04/2023 11:33

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Yes.

DannyZukosSmile · 05/04/2023 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😆 LMFAO!!! Get out of bed the wrong side did you @Spiderplantweb ??? In a rush to do your arduous chore of putting the kettle on?! 😂

Ursualesther · 05/04/2023 11:35

ferntwist · 05/04/2023 11:32

YANBU. Some very envious posters on here - ignore them!
But he’s taking advantage. And of course your relative salaries are relevant

Hell yes envious!!

£85k
WFH
reasonable hours
solo breakfast
lots of lovely dog walks

😂

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/04/2023 11:35

Neither of you sound hard done by tbh. No mention of kids so hardly chaos round yours is it.

Lilaccardigan · 05/04/2023 11:35

DivaDarling · 05/04/2023 11:24

Your life is not hectic but you sound begrudging and hung up on the fact you earn more-so what!

Poor fucker-I hope he finds a way out soon.

Anyway, away back to putting the kettle on and doing your daily online shop.

Why would he want to ‘find a way out’? He’s already planning how he can take further advantage of the OP, he has it made. It’s OP who needs to find a way out.

NerrSnerr · 05/04/2023 11:36

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/04/2023 11:35

Neither of you sound hard done by tbh. No mention of kids so hardly chaos round yours is it.

So he shouldn't do any housework or cooking just because the OP earns a good wage and doesn't have children?

NerrSnerr · 05/04/2023 11:37

It's depressing how many people still think the women should do all the housework in a relationship isn't it?

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 05/04/2023 11:37

Duhduhdub · 05/04/2023 11:22

Whose idea was it to get the dogs? My DH earns more than me and works more hours than I do, however, he is a dog person and I am not. Therefore, if he chose to get a dog, I would fully expect him to do all of the dog care because I wouldn’t want the dog in the first place.

Yes, it's interesting that op isn't answering the question which multiple posters have asked about the dogs. They are the main source of domestic work/ tasks in the OP's run down of her day.

CoraPirbright · 05/04/2023 11:37

He does nowhere near his fair share.

I would tell him that if he thinks he is going half time, then that’s fab - the ENTIRETY of the domestic grunt work will be his as he will have ample time. Then list everything you do. See how he likes them apples!

Trixielo · 05/04/2023 11:38

FloydPepper · 05/04/2023 11:08

She earns almost 4 times more, so yes, she should pay 4 times more.

Show quote history

um…..😂😂😂😂

Newyearnewmeow · 05/04/2023 11:38

Yes you’re a mug OP

Viviennemary · 05/04/2023 11:39

Sounds ok to me.

SoggyPigeon · 05/04/2023 11:39

You picked him, he is yours, so talk to him.

Original poster
Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 11:39

No I don’t love I’m anymore. I used to, but fell out of love with him when I started to feel taken advantage off. I want to leave him, but guess I wanted to know whether I was being unreasonable feeling put upon by doing more around the house than him.

the dogs are mine (although he says he loves them and always refers to them as our dogs) the dogs will be coming with me. I don’t view them as a chore, what I mean is my day feels full and I tend to go from thing to thing, whereas he spends a lot of time watching tv or in bed rather than doing.

for me when things end my life won’t change, I’ll move homes but it will be a similar property, I’ll have the dogs with me and my day and lifestyle won’t change. For him it is going to be a massive difference- a one bedroom flat in town, having to budget for his hobbies and things rather than being able to spend as much as he wants.

I have spoken with a solicitor and things are underway for me to leave. I suppose I had felt like I was in the right being frustrated being taken advantage of, which was helping assuage some of the guilt around this massive lifestyle change he is going to experience. Whereas now it seems I am actually being unreasonable and he is going to have this big lifestyle drop just because I am not happy.

OP posts:
Trixielo · 05/04/2023 11:40

You’re right OP, it’s not fair and not surprising you’re feeling resentful. I would too. No advice - other than maybe just stop doing it all?

Namechangethisonetime · 05/04/2023 11:40

Ursualesther · 05/04/2023 10:45

Your say hardly sounds onerous

lots of nice dog walks
no commute
minimal housework

Agree.

InsertMoniker · 05/04/2023 11:40

Doesn't sound all that onerous to me. You should ask him to do his share though.

NerrSnerr · 05/04/2023 11:41

Glad you're leaving OP. It will only get worse if you stay and you'll resent him even more.

Good luck. (And please don't listen to the folk on here who think that having a penis excludes you from any housework, cooking or caring responsibilities)

BoneBrothByDayDonutByNight · 05/04/2023 11:42

You don't sound like a mug. Your day doesn't sound that bad and the solution sounds really easy: just ask him to do a few tings and if he goes part time to do all the things so you can both enjoy some extra down time.

Sacmagique75 · 05/04/2023 11:42

I think you’re getting some unfair responses! You basically are living with a dependant when you should be living with a partner. Do you love him? He’s not going to change and from the way you’ve written things, why would he? He has a very comfortable existence! A job he enjoys and someone who is doing all the cooking and cleaning.

He probably doesn’t even realise you’re frustrated. That doesn’t mean you need to continue with things as they are but if you’re not happy with the status quo you certainly need to point this out and either agree to make things more equitable, or part ways.

MsRosley · 05/04/2023 11:43

OP, your husband is a lazy, piss-taking bastard, obviously. But the real core of the problem is why you've put up with it. Have you considered therapy? Feminism? I think understanding why you've got yourself here is key to doing something about it.

I'm glad you're starting to wake up with how batshit your situation is.

yogaretreat · 05/04/2023 11:43

why do you do all of this? You are enabling him to feel super lazy, has he always been lazy? Was he like this when you first got together?

Beantag · 05/04/2023 11:44

It doesn't matter if others think it's 'bonkers' or not, it's how you feel about it and evidently as you aren't happy then it's right you leave. Personally the salaries wouldn't bother me, I earn more than DH but enjoy my job, he earns less but also enjoys his job and it adds value to society. I wouldn't be impressed by the lack of sharing housework and stuff, but if you've talked seriously about it and he hasn't changed then yes there's no hope.

freyamay74 · 05/04/2023 11:44

@NerrSnerr I absolutely don't think the woman should do most of the house work, cooking etc. but the main issue here seems to be the OP isn't happy with the disparity in their earnings... she's having to bankroll him and pay for practically everything.

I do think MN is a strange place though because there are literally thousands of threads from women saying their dh earns many times what they earn (often in the context of justifying why they 'can't afford' to work or why it's 'not worth' them working very much) I would hate the responsibility of having to earn mega bucks to facilitate my partner earning much less so I totally get why the OP is pissed off with it.

Claridges12 · 05/04/2023 11:45

The main difference is the dogs and cooking dinner. The dogs belong to you and are a pleasurable hobby, so the extra walking doesn't count as work. This leaves cooking dinner - just agree to split that 50/50, and don't agree to him going part-time. If he realises you're serious, he'll start doing his share.

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