My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Yes you are a mug, have you spoken to him about doing more?

do the dogs need three walks a day? Can he get up earlier to help?

It's hard to say. You have presented this in an obviously biased or at least potentially misleading way, including over-egging some of your stuff and implying that your job is hard work (because it earns £85k?) but making his sound almost as though you regard it as a hobby. Salaries are irrelevant. You then drip-fed about the bills and part-time thing.

Insist he shares equally in the housework (including putting the kettle on and feedingthe dogs ), pay a fair portion of money each based on your different salaries into a joint account and pay all bills from that.

god mumsnet is full of bitches today. I suppose I should just put up shut up
and pay for the lazy bastard

Nobody said that. You didn't mention in your first post that he didn't pay his way.

Sounds like you both have a charmed life!

What job allows you to start at 9am, finish at 6pm, take an hour for lunch and enable you to Mumsnet, pay bills and organise your online shopping delivery? I'm asking seriously. I've just finished a job that paid £28k and involved me working 50 to 60 hours a week with no bloody time for anything else.

Op you list putting the kettle, eating your breakfast, online grocery shopping, and walking dogs as evidence of you’re madly hectic life.

you work from home
you work civilised hours
you have no child dependents

I mean really!

It’s 11am OP

you are on mumsnet 😂

@slowsundays because on top of all the household work I end up paying for almost all our bills and days out. He’s talking about going part time because we’re comfortably off

Tell him if he's expecting to go part time and do fuck all in the house, he can get his own house.

I’m not saying my job is tough, I just wanted to show that when it comes to mortgage and bills I am paying the bulk, so he lives in a house and has a lifestyle that is well outside of his reach, but I could sustain without him.

And you come back after lunch and “pay a few bills”

direct debits? Standing orders?!

I need to get into whatever industry is paying £85k for a 7 hour day wfh!

Salary is irrelevant here. For your £85k you seem to fit in a good deal of personal stuff in your day to day and your tone is resentment towards him and how easy he seems to have it. Have you actually spoken to him/had an actual sit down conversation about any of this?

We’ll go for it then

but finances weren’t the original point of your op

You have thrown that in following is pointing out that your life is hardly onerous !

Were the dogs a joint decision? You could take it in turns to take them out in the morning if you want a lie in?

What part of your day do you want to change? It does sound quite nice! Do you want him to cook? Does he feel like he can if you order and pay for the groceries?

I don't think you can count putting the kettle on and breakfast as a job btw 😂

Exactly.

there may be an imbalance that needs addressing - actually talking like adults would probably help.

but trying to make out you have some super hectic life is rather over egging things and makes me wonder what else is being exaggerated

Your days sound lovely!

Your salaries are surely not relevant - unless you feel resentment that he contributes so much less to the joint finances than you do? Or is it that you're dissatisfied with your job?
You say that he's doing a job that he loves. Are you trying to say that you don't love your own job and are envious of him doing something that he loves?
If you're not enjoying your job, I can understand that you might feel trapped in it, as your salary is no doubt the main funder of your joint lifestyle and if you both had the £28k job, you couldn't enjoy the same life that you do now.

If you're merely feeling hard done by and want your husband/partner to do more chores around the house, sit down and talk about it with him. He probably assumes that you're happy with things the way the are.

I mean surely the dogs don’t need to be walked 3 times a day? And why do you need to walk them in the evening if you’ve walked them earlier? Don’t go together and then complain about it.

The only thing that’s an issue is dinner really, just don’t do it every day.

You get up, do a few housework jobs, work all day, do a few more housework jobs and watch TV. He gets up a bit later, works all day and then watches TV. So tbh neither of you have it that difficult.
I never understand all this angst about housework, with no kids to be making a mess it doesn't sound like there's that much housework to be done. Dishwasher once a day, wipe sides down once a day, a wash load a few times a week. Split the cooking up more fairly, ask him to do one specific job such as dishwasher or wiping sides, you do the other and the washing can be done on your lunch break which he can't help with as he's out at work.
Salaries aren't relevant, he's not working less hard because he earns less money. You both work full time so split the housework jobs more fairly. But it's not hugely unbalanced. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

But the OP’s point is that her life is so hectic compared with her partners

as far as I can tell the difference is more dog walking (lovely and presumably she enjoy and if not her daddy would cover a dog waker) and evening meal prep for both and a wipe down.

You do all the housework and day to day management and work full time

You oh works full time

You feel this is unfair

You have asked him to change

He won't

So get rid or accept that's how it is

He still works full time! Where does the notion that he doesn’t pay his way come from?