My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie no but it is a forum where you can read all of the original posters messages instead of looking like an idiot.

My life feels like it is entirely propping up his.

This line resonated with me most because I sense you are too young to just allow yourself to be a prop for his lifestyle. You can live a fuller life by yourself, until the right person comes along who will equally support you.

Agree! I would class that as a chill day 🙈

That's not the point.
The OP's partner is doing absolutely nothing. How come he gets to sit around and do nothing and talk about going part-time? Why does she have to cook and clean while he does nothing? She might have described a day which is "chill" for some other people on here, but it still doesn't mean that she has to do all of the tasks and he does nothing.
The OP wants to have children. When she does have children, obviously she's going to have way more work to do. And what is he going to be doing then? Because that is the whole point of this. He is bringing nothing to the table and it's at this point that women need to be aware of what sort of man they are considering to be a father to their children.
Maybe you have children and that's one reason why you think the OP's day is a chill day, but would you really want to have children with some cheeky fecker article like this guy who lounges around and does nothing at all. Is he going to suddenly start doing his fair share when they have children? No, he's not. And that's why he should be binned now.

Sockmate123 how sad must your life be, to have no children, no ailing parents, no dependant siblings but the idea of waiting on hand for a man who shows no gratitude is chill for you. You should start your own thread.

I was referring to her day, it hardly sounds hectic! Turning on a kettle as a 'chore'. I have FT job, 2 children, one with additional needs and my Dad recently passed so yes I know about everything you listed. Oh and I've a dog myself.
They need to have an adult conversation but if this is the level of nit picking they are at already then they maybe need to go their seperate ways. The talking about salaries wasn't nice as if his worth is less than hers. My husband earns more than me but would never make me feel in anyway inferior. If it's just cooking that's one thing but if he doesn't do anything else then that's another story. But if kids are in their plans they need to sort all this now because the perception that her day is busy now is frankly ridiculous. She should talk to her OH rather than MN. Also walking dogs is not a chore, if she sees as such her OH could do while she does dinner or Vice Versa.

Sockmate123 in almost of the subsequent posts that's been addressed. Right down to the chats you suggest. Your day would likely be much more "chill" if you bothered to read instead of posting nonsense.

My husband earns more than me but would never make me feel in anyway inferior.
And yet here you are, posting with the fervour of someone who feels inferior and feels the need to bitch on someone who recognises their worth. Or maybe you just failed to read the thread.

My life feels like it is entirely propping up his.
it is, but it shouldn't be. Not at this stage- this should be your light fun stage

Truly hope any other women out there saddled the same look at this thread and choose better for themselves

You CHOSE to have kids, you CHOOSE to let them do so many clubs, you CHOOSE to volunteer rathe than get a paid job. You CHOOSE to make life harder for yourself, the OP is choosing not to. Rather than not bothering to read the full thread and shouting your jealous mouth off, maybe drop a kids club or two and chill out?

Oh gosh OP YADNBU!!

I feel drained just reading your posts!

You have to move on for your own sanity. FWIW you, on the other hand, sound amazing, and you should be very proud.

I don't understand some of the replies on this thread. The OP doesn't love her partner, he is living a life subsidised by her salary, he wants to go part time, she can afford to leave him but is worried about him and people think she is unreasonable because she has time to put the kettle on and get dressed undisturbed in the morning?! And all her problems would be solved with a rota??

Leave him OP, you will be better off and happier without him.

So being able to read is a useful skill. Try acquiring it

YANBU, ignore the jealous bunch here.

And don’t worry about your friends, they might be quietly wondering how do you put up with him and why you haven’t kicked him out already.

Get rid of him, OP. His laziness will only continue to get worse. I’m not surprised that you longer love him. You’re a good person for worrying what will happen to him if you leave but you’re not his mother - he’ll need to learn to cope. Sounds like it’s the reality check he needs.

I earn double what my husband does and he wouldn’t dream of not pulling his weight (probably because he knows he’ll be out on his @rse!) We have 2 small children and he works 5 days a week in a job that involves a lot of driving, cooks dinner 3-4 times a week, helps me put the kids to bed every night (we take a child each for ease), tidies up the house every evening and often gets up in the night with our eldest who is a terrible sleeper.

I’m glad you haven’t had children with him. Your housework /mental load would have drastically increased (if I gave examples it would sound like I was exaggerating)- including waking up all night long and getting very little sleep.

Have you worked out how you’ve both ended up in this pattern, so you can avoid it next time?

Goodness, what a childish response.

thanks everyone, this has been very useful. I’ve been really touched by some of the messages from people on here particularly those of you who have defended me so vigorously to some of those who have been on the mean side. As well as those who have given me the wake up call that our situation really isn’t right.

The mean comments are in some way what I needed to hear. They are almost the people in our circle of friends that I am worried about “you have a nice life, what are you complaining about” or the “my life is harder than yours” what I have realised from this thread is that if they are the people I lose as friends it is no great loss. I want friends who want me to have a partner who is going to support me, help me in life and improve my day- not someone who is in our relationship just for they can get out of it and is just an emotional drain.

I am going to book in some visits with estate agents tomorrow and get things underway. I know what needs to happen, and once I have some timelines I will have the discussion with him. One lady made a good point calling me a “golden goose” and that his behaviour might change when he realises that it is over. Honestly I don’t think he would change, but I think he might promise it to string me along a little longer.

Good luck OP. I imagine it’s not going to be the nicest thing you’ve ever had to do and it will probably be emotional, even though you know it’s for the best. It will be a weight off once it’s sorted though. X

Good luck OP with sorting out the house situ and getting free of this leech!! Partnerships need equality, as in both contributing positively to the relationship. He seems to be a drain!!

Good luck OP!

Delighted to read this thread, despite so many ridiculous posts, has been of help.

He is a selfish loser, but do not be surprised if he is appalled at the prospect of his golden goose waddling off into the sunset!!

He is very sure of you and has therefore ignored your crying and upset.

Get rid of him but also work on yourself.

You have wasted years on a really lazy loser.

You deserve so much better.

Losers like him absolutely ruin the experience of having children.

IMO better not to have children than to have them with a lazy loser like him.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk and work on your boundaries and assertiveness.

Things should never have got to this stage.

Glad you recognise that any people whom do not want the best for you are just a toxic presence in your life.

Avoid anyone who hasn't your back when you dump this loser.

Don't allow him to to talk you around.

He's shown you EXACTLY who he is.

He will never change.

Best of luck.
We are here if you need us.

Good on you for not being taken advantage any longer by him he will have a shock coming when he realises he will up his hours to support himself because you won’t anymore. Like you say he probably will string you along with promises but the important thing is you that and you know your worth. I wish the happiness you deserve and work hard for op

Well done OP. If your mutual friends choose to side with him is that because he's known them longer and they've all heard more of his version of events than yours? If so, then all it may take is a heart to heart with one you are closer to. If not, then you will make better friends (along with a much better boyfriend!).

This quote really jumped out at me btw - not my experience but it's so true:

Losers like him absolutely ruin the experience of having children.

Good luck!