My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Good luck, @Spiderplantweb. Your future looks bright and happy without him. His looks bitter. Hopefully one day he’ll realise quite how much you did for him. But that won’t be your problem soon.

OP, I’m glad to hear. You take care now.

The point about you telling him that you’re leaving may instigate change. But I won’t be genuine . It will be fear and dependence based. He will try to hoover you back in.

You deserve so much more!

Have you had therapy at all? It can be so good in helping to understand relationship patterns that we repeat.

You will be just fine without him! It may hurt at first, but that’s not a sign that you’ve done the wrong thing!

go gently and good luck!!! 😊❤️

Good luck OP. True friends would want you to be happy and not taken advantage of like this. You are doing the right thing.
It would be so wrong to have a child with this man. Focus on that. If he does nothing now then it would really be a stark contrast with children.

Sorry there’s been so many ridiculous posts on here ‘ooh my life is harder than yours - try having 20 kids and a crap job’ Spectacularly missing the point and showing themselves up.

Good luck!

I think some people just come on here to be nasty and I’d be surprised if friends in real life would judge you.
If a woman finds she’s engaged to a man she doesn’t wish to marry then she has to end it as soon as possible. There is no other honourable course of action.
Others have put it better, so anyway good luck!

You’ll get there @Spiderplantweb good luck

If you can't concentrate long enough to read 8 lines, MN is not for you.

Good luck OP

I’m sure he will change for a bit - he will do everything you want to show he is a changed man, because he won’t want to lose his cash cow. But - a. It won’t last and b. I get the feeling you’re over him anyway.

All the best OP! Don't feel bad about him downsizing to somewhere smaller though I doubt he could afford a flat. He could probably get a room in an HMO with a cleaner and bills included for not much more than he pays now so he won't be impoverished.

If any friends have anything to say about the split, you can just agree that he's a fun flatmate but that you need more support from a life partner and leave it at that.

forcing someone to support you when you are perfectly able to do so yourself is also a form of financial abuse. He may be doing it unintentionally or it may just be you perceiving that he can't survive without you. He may be enjoying your higher income, but would fall back into a cheaper lifestyle without your extra income with little problem. At that income, the biggest issue would be a place to stay for him.
It is not your issue that he is a low earner. You are not his mother. You have already been acting as his girlfriend-mother. It is time to stop. If you want to subsidize his move out to help get rid of him, that is up to you. But you are only hurting you and him by keeping him around when you don't want him.
And if anyone chides you on dumping him, remind them that you did not give birth to him, he is an able bodied and at least average intelligence human being and he is also a fully grown adult. you don't owe him a thing based on what you have said here. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that you owe them your entire life.

Yes you are and also dogs don’t need three walks a day!

I love how you say she didn’t read the post properly, but you didn’t read her comment properly 😂 She said she volunteers as well as works 🙈

I read it perfectly thank you, I meant she volunteers rather than getting a PAID job instead. As in she could have more money if she used that time to get paid employment

I also read it that @Tessabelle74 meant that that poster is choosing to volunteer. She could just get another paid job and earn more.

‘CHOOSE to volunteer rathe than get a paid job.’

read the comment again

Couldntgive2hoots didn’t say she was struggling for money, just that she’s very busy

She didn’t say she was short of money! You implied she volunteered rather than getting a paid job. It’s pretty selfish to tell someone to stop volunteering while they are working too. Many charities wouldn’t function. Without volunteers

‘you CHOOSE to volunteer rathe than get a paid job’ nothing mentioned here about getting a second paid job either

She did though, she said she works, has a volunteer job and has 3 kids who spend like they’re on her salary and said OP is lucky to have her lifestyle on £85k.

@Tessabelle74 merely pointed out she could ditch the volunteer job and earn more.

Exactly this incl the quoted bit re losers and having children.
Good luck OP, am really rooting for you.
When I finally left a 10 year relationship (I was getting older, desperate to have children, I could already see I would never have been ok with him as the father of my children, neither would they have been.)

Met the person, a widower, who is now my husband, after approx 3 happy, productive single years. We have our beautiful children as well as his from his first marriage. Telling you my little story just to give you hope, of course there have been really difficult times along the way, it's life, after all, but you've got this, believe me.

Take courage, as you already have done, on your ongoing journey.

@Couldntgive2hoots
Wondering if you have the remotest idea of the incredible insensitivity of your post? I believe you should apologise to the OP just for that.
The OP wants children.
Luckily she's decided to leave her loser current partner

This. Fucking hell, some of the responses in this thread are something out of the 1950's.
I guess supporting women only works if you're a frazzled mum of young children in a low paid job?
I guess the OP should be grateful for her decent salary - that she has worked for; and her childfree status - because she sensibly realised that her partner would be even worse with a child in the mix.

Well, I've been that frazzled mum of young children - a single mum at that and I'm proud that women like the OP exist and aren't so bloody stupid and naive as I was as a young woman.

Good luck.

Hope you’re ok @Spiderplantweb

This!! Watch out for the hoovering OP 🙏🏻

Good luck, OP, and don't look back. I hope everything works out brilliant for you.

Good luck OP! You’re an inspiration to used women everywhere. I think he and many people around you will play on your empathy and guilt to try and force you to stay or at least give him a golden handshake to get him out of your hair.

I know he’ll be just fine. Thanks to social media, dating apps and the phenomenal lack of self-respect of desperate single women out there, he’ll land himself a new sugar mama fast and just when you least expect it.

Good luck OP!