My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Sorry misread 28. Ok 3 times. Point still holds

Yes he's lazy, and if you've had enough of him being lazy then it's time to say goodbye and get rid. He won't improve if you have children it will only get worse. You've asked him to do things for years and he hadn't so what is he bringing to the party. If you can afford the house and dogs without him then get rid and have one less person's washing, cooking and cleaning up to do. Good luck.

So throw him out.

I think most people are genuinely quite baffled because its not the usual complex interdependent shared children and interlinked financial situation of a woman for whom leaving will be difficult.

This situation seems so simple because she's got nothing to lose if she's sick of her boyfriend she can just have it out with him and either give him an ultimatum to do 50% of the domestic load or end the relationship.

Throwing the salaries in is likely to put women's backs up because in situations where there are children women's earnings have often tumbled to a similar ratio with their partner because of time out and part time work mutually agreed between partners for childcare, but then the higher earning man will often gaslight his lower earning wife/ partner and assert that it's absolutely right that she should do all childcare and domestic work because she earns less - and often use his salary to justify effectively being his wife's "boss".

Do you love him op? You're holding all the cards it seems, unless there's something you're not telling us, like he owns the house or something. Leave him if he doesn't make you happy. A job that earns £85k year wfh should give you plenty of options going forward

Are the dogs yours only or do they belong to both of you?

Not sure I’m unusual, but my DH & I do this wonderful, newfangled thing called ‘conversation’.

DH is a mega nerd (his job, well over £85k now you’ve mentioned it) is because he is, possibly, King Of The Nerds.

I do far more than he does (even with a shitty disability) because he’d probably destroy half the house boiling an egg. But, he’s useful for lifting/vacuuming/not blowing up the tumble dryer so we work as a team.

And having dogs (like my two giant doofuses) is a pleasure, a life choice and certainly not a chore.

We’ve been doing this for nearly 30 years & have 2 adult kids (one he is step Dad to) so something must be working.

What's wrong with you

Whose idea was it to get the dogs? My DH earns more than me and works more hours than I do, however, he is a dog person and I am not. Therefore, if he chose to get a dog, I would fully expect him to do all of the dog care because I wouldn’t want the dog in the first place.

He isn't going to change so you need to ask yourself if you are happy to carry on living like it or not. If you are crack on if not bin him. Don't flaff around trying to change him.

I suppose I should just put up shut up
and pay for the lazy bastard. Women, know your place.

You picked this lazy fucker and chose to spend 5 years with him

mumsnet & ‘women’ didn’t make that choice for you ffs

Your life is not hectic but you sound begrudging and hung up on the fact you earn more-so what!

Poor fucker-I hope he finds a way out soon.

Anyway, away back to putting the kettle on and doing your daily online shop.

Nothing but it was an omission! 😂

the op was probably run off her feet putting the kettle on again 🤷‍♀️

He needs sone jobs to do at home. Salary YABU as it's irrelevant

He should be clearing up after dinner if you have cooked. Surely that's the rule!

My DH recently commented on how much more sleep I get than him. He's up at 6.15 .... I get up at 8.30 as I now wfh permanently.

I had to remind him that I got the DCs up/fed/dressed and did the school run for 14 years, so I now deserve a lie in.

I suppose I should just put up shut up
and pay for the lazy bastard. Women, know your place.**

Op kick him out or leave. Literally nothing stopping you do so!

If you're smart enough to get a high paying job why aren't you smart enough to leave him considering he's made it clear he's not interested in contributing?

Yes you're a mug but you know this already so not sure why you're posting this

I blame the mother for bringing him up to believe domestic stuff is womens' work and you too mist shoulder some of the blame for perpetuating

Yes, it's always a woman's fault, at the end of the day. It's not like a man could be a decent or reflective human being who might be able to work out for himself (whatever his upbringing) that women aren't house servants.

He sounds like an absolute cock lodger - I’d kick him out. No idea why you are putting up with this. Then he can see what kind of lifestyle he can sustain on 28k. As a bare minimum he should be dealing with the dogs in the morning. What is the financial split - are you married - do you want to be? Do not have kids with with this sponger.

I’d like an 85k job where I get to take out the dogs, do a spot of housework and online shopping, and chat on MN .

But yes - you’re right, he’s not pulling his weight with the housework, cooking or dog care. What are you going to do about it?

I earn 26K and have quite a nice lifestyle

You're not being unreasonable, he's taking you for a ride. However, have you actually talked to him or told him he needs to pull his weight.

Your day sounds kind of easy, obviously that doesnt mean he shouldnt be doing more, but you're not going to find a whole lot of sympathy on MN tbh. If you actually love him then deal with him or put up and shut up. If you dont have kids there cant be many complicating factors to separation.

The issue here is about the disparity in your incomes, not your days, because quite frankly neither of your days sound onerous. Not having to start work until 9am sound like the dream to me!

If you're not happy with the disparity in incomes then address that - though presumably this has been the case for a while?
I must admit though, there are numerous threads where it's the woman earning way less than her dh, or just working p/t while he had the responsibility of a high earning f/t career and not many people ever seem sympathetic to the man! MN is a strange place!

Personally I've always aimed for dh and I to earn as equally as possible and to share the workload of child and home related responsibilities as equally as possible. I wouldn't want the responsibility of needing to earn a much higher wage so dh could earn a low one, so I don't expect it of him either.

YANBU. Some very envious posters on here - ignore them!
But he’s taking advantage. And of course your relative salaries are relevant

*This is so baffling that apparently because OP doesnt have a manic hectic day on a minimum wage job, its absolutely fine for her lazy partner to do fuck all and pay fuck all, because the OP isnt too busy.

Jesus how low is the bar for some of you!*

I 100% agree with this. Why isn't he cooking 50% of the time and doing 50% of the dog walks (when he's not at work).

Don't have children with him OP or you'll be doing 100% of the housework, childcare, dog walks as well as being expected to be the bread winner.