My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

If you don't love him and constantly resent him and have no joint children to co-parent (which would be a reason to try relationship counseling before splitting perhaps) then of course you should split up.

You don't owe him a lifestyle he can't afford alone.

Your life will be pretty much the same without him as it centers around your dogs by the sound of it, but you may well be happier doing exactly what you do now if you don't have another person in the household who is conspicuously not lightening the load.

Yes he needs to do more. You won't get much more sympathy on your hectic life on here though OP!

Of course you are not being unreasonable and my relationship would have been over years ago in your shoes. I see no point to him at all. If he’s pretty to look at buy a nice painting once you’ve split.

Apologies OP, wrote my comment before your last post updated on my feed.

Good for you! If you aren't happy and you're doing everything, then absolutely leave. If you don't love him you can do better.

Beware of a request for spousal support, but time he learnt to stand on his own two feet.

No I don’t love I’m anymore. I used to, but fell out of love with him when I started to feel taken advantage off. I want to leave him, but guess I wanted to know whether I was being unreasonable feeling put upon by doing more around the house than him.

I think this says it all. I think he will have a huge shock when you do this, but for you it sounds as if your life will be much easier. You'll be able to make the bed when you get up before walking the dogs and it'll still be made when you get back in at night.

Agog at the mentality of some responses here, so just because OPs day isn’t as awful as yours/the worst possible case scenario, she shouldn’t feel taken advantage of? This is like that Monty Python sketch about the Four Yorkshiremen. So much for women supporting women eh?

OP, if he’s still behaving this way after five years he’s 100% never going to change, and you’re always going to feel like a nag if you try to make him. I am quite, quite sure that once you pull the rug out from under him and he realises his cushy life is about to change he’s going to promise you the earth, moon and sun but hold firm. You’re already doing everything alone, and thriving, so you absolutely might as well continue to do it alone! Think how much better your life will be without the layer of simmering resentment that’s always under the surface!

I wish you the best

OK, let's look at this from a reverse (an example, not reality).

DP gets up at 5.30am, loads the dishwasher, cooks my packed lunch, feeds the cats, cleans the litter tray, takes a washload out of the machine and puts another in.

6.30am DP checks I'm awake and opens the curtains.

6.45am DP checks I'm still awake. Makes me a coffee. I get up, wash/makeup/pull the duvet up.

6.55am I sit and drink a coffee and faff around on my phone.

7.00am We leave the house.

4.30pm I get in, chuck some crunchies at the cats and sit down.

6.00pm DP gets in via the shops, makes dinner, deals with litter tray, pushes vacuum cleaner around, unloads washing machine, folds dry washing and takes it upstairs. Makes hot drinks, goes to the shop if something's been forgotten, then relaxes in front of laptops or TV for a couple of hours.

9.00pm I have a bath. Only have to rinse the bath down because he cleans it. He does all the cleaning. And washing. And cooking. And everything else unless I see something and decide to do it.

10.00pm I go to bed.

Add in gym visits 3-4 times a week and a few evening meetings/long days. Oh, and I earn almost double he does before overtime.

Should I get pissy at him because he's not bringing in the same as me or is it OK because he's designated house elf due to earning less?

By all means dump him because you don't like him. By all means dump him because you want a man who earns equal to or more than you and in your opinion, a man who earns less is a lower value person who should be serving you in your role as head of the household. But don't try and make it out to be anything other than you falling out of love with him/thinking you're worth more money.

You've become his mother unfortunately. So he's gradually reducing his responsibility for anything.
He doesn't see himself as dinner maker, he doesn't see himself as the one who does family admin. Maybe because there is very little pressure to do so.
Did he move in with you?

'Things are underway for me to leave him already...'

Wow, that was quick @Spiderplantweb You only started the thread just over an hour ago,

Out of interest, what is your £85K a year job that allows you to spend hours on message forums in your working time? Or is today conveniently a day off?

Doesn’t matter if you feel taken advantage of or not- you don’t love him anymore?! Time to go even if he turns into Mary bloody Poppins overnight!

oh my poor darling how do you cope emptying the dishwasher and then working from home, you poor poor thing.

Mn is weird today @Spiderplantweb it sounds like you need to leave. Your life will be easier with him gone. If you’ve brought this up before and he’s not changed then he won’t when you tell him you’re leaving.
i think those on here are in the 50’s housewife group the transformed wife.

Good on you OP for not living with such a low bar. I wouldn’t worry about him one jot - I bet he will be on the lookout for someone else like you as soon as he knows what is happening.

I’m not saying my job is tough, I just wanted to show that when it comes to mortgage and bills I am paying the bulk, so he lives in a house and has a lifestyle that is well outside of his reach, but I could sustain without him

He's a cocklodger.
People have been having a go at you on here because you mentioned the 85K salary and because it doesn't sound like you have that hectic a life compared to a lot of people on here. You don't have children and seem to have minimal housework. Also people on here hate "life admin" being mentioned - eg. paying bills and online shopping because it's "just life". But the point is that if you are in a couple and one of you is having to do all of those things and make sure they get done on time and the other does fuck all, that is unfair.
He should be sharing all household tasks with you. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc.
The dogs are yours so their care is your responsibility.

Just get rid of him OP, you don't love him. He's contributing fuck all to your life.
I also had a cocklodger living with me and was much happier once I had booted him out of the door. It's the unfairness of someone sitting around on the sofa while you make a nice life for both of you by making sure there is food on the table and the place is clean. Don't allow this to go on any longer.

I think the real question needs to be who wanted the dogs. Everything else is 2 minute jobs through course of the day

If you were the one who wanted the dogs, then you have to live with your choice.

If he was one that wanted dogs then he should get up and walk them more.

You life hardly seems tough, it is really the just 2 childless people pottering about their day.

You don't love him so you have your answer. It's not your problem that he can't afford the lifestyle he has currently.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't (and didn't) tolerate someone sitting around doing so little while I did everything around them.

No idea why people are questioning posting on a forum during working day. I earn a similar wage to OP and work at home and have been known to mumsnet when off camera on a teams call. Surely being in such a job means you can multitask 🤷‍♀️

Ignore the messages from people jealous of your lifestyle.

And yes, you are being a mug. Ive been there. Ask yourself why you are doing everything for him? I know when I basically took this role on, its because I was insecure and worried about my boyfriend leaving and wanted to make home life 'perfect' for him.

Spoiler - it didnt, it made him devalue me further.

A house with two adults needs two adults contribution towards the upkeep of it.

What happens when you ask him to do something?

There's currently a tiktok song where the woman is expected to do everything and clean, cook, wash etc. (The song is really good and a reflection of how most women feel)

You've taken the right steps because you recognise your worth. 🙌🏾

Who is ‘he’? Husband? Just a boyfriend?
How come you chose someone who earns so much less than you, if it’s an issue? Why does he not equally contribute to chores?

Sounds like a nice, easy life, same as mine- childfree, pets, minimal drudgery. But if the man doesn’t enhance your life and make it fun, obviously dump him since that’s the sole point of a relationship.

I think you're reading a different thread.

Everyone is saying that she should leave him especially as she doesn't love him.

People are just also pointing out that

1. she has absolute freedom to leave and no children to consider, so it's a bit hard to work out where there's even a dilemma

2. her day isn't exactly onerous either, revolving as it does mainly around walking her dogs and a fairly short work day for a high salary, in comparison to the typical demographic of a forum on which most posters are juggling work (for salaries closer to 28k than 80k in most cases) with small children. The "my diamond shoes are too tight" aspect is always going to irritate people.

The reason that people always query when people say “pay the bills” as evidence of how much they do is because it rarely involves any work at all. It’s clutching at straws to make them sound busier than they are.

I paid the council tax bill today… it’s an automatic direct debit that was taken whilst I was asleep. There are very few bills that aren’t direct debits in this day and age. After it’s set up, it doesn’t actually take any work or effort.

This !

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYgYCBtW/
Paris Paloma Labour