My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

I wasn’t listing things like putting the kettle on as a job, just saying that I manage to have my breakfast alongside doing all the other things like sorting the dogs out and getting the house straight in the morning. I am not wallowing in bed drifting from task to task.

the shopping was just an example of one job on one day. Every day there will be some metal load work that needs doing.

Like others I'm wondering who the dogs belong to.

They seem to be the only domestic responsibility you jointly have aside from cooking and housework (no children mentioned).

Most of the stuff on your "busy" schedule is dogs.

I don't think salaries are relevant if you're both full time, though if he wants to go part time that's the obvious time to agree he takes on more domestic responsibility if he reduces hours.

Perhaps he doesn't love his job so much if he wants to go part time...

Seriously though - whose are the dogs and do you resent them? Without dogs you could both do as little as you wanted outside work.

So OP deserves for her ‘partner’ to take advantage of her because she doesn’t have children?

that I manage to have my breakfast alongside doing all the other things like sorting the dogs out and getting the house straight in the morning.

what do you have for breakfast??

She’s financially strong
no ties with him
not married

what’s stopping her from leaving him?

It's not mumsnets fault you picked and then tolerated a lazy arsehole

To try and say her job is more important because it pays more. It doesn’t work with higher paid blokes and I’m pleased to see it’s not working here

Tell him to leave then.

Tbh your day sounds quite chilled but if you're not happy with your set up you need to make changes.

Your salaries really were not relevant though as others have suggested,

Get rid of him then.

Or talk to him.

Or get rid of the dogs.

You are doing more than him but you'd be doing exactly the same without him mostly because of the three dogs - so whose are they and do you resent the dogs?

If they're his definitely give him an ultimatum to take over dog care or the relationship ends.

I have no idea, I would kick him out but op still doesn’t deserve to be taken advantage of.

You say £28k like its a bad thing? Isnt that starting/first few years of role pay for police, teacher, nurse, f1 dr etc? Jobs that are essential for society? And you are looking down from your lofty heights at people who ear that much? Whether or not he is taking the piss is up to you, but some decorum and decency from you wouldn't go a miss either.

OP, it doesn't sound like a partnership. He sounds like a lodger.

You need a routine where you both share things like cooking.

I WFH so will do housework on lunch breaks or quiet moments at work because I can. But DH will do big cleans, and other tasks regularly so all is equal and fair.

You need a conversation and some changes, or you need to end it.

I think the salaries are relevant because she’s working longer hours, paying more towards their home and lifestyle and doing all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and dog care.

She earns almost 4 times more, so yes, she should pay 4 times more.

OP did you not have a conversation before becoming a partnership about individual and mutual responsibilities.

Your inputs are unequal if the money part is removed. That is not acceptable. That said, neither of you seems to be killing themselves.

I blame the mother for bringing him up to believe domestic stuff is womens' work and you too mist shoulder some of the blame for perpetuating it.

Can't you get a cleaner to reduce your input by half and make him pay as he does nothing.

Sorry people are being so bitchy.

I understand what you are saying.

It sounds like you don't have kids; are you planning to have kids? If so, this needs massively sorted out before then.

If there's only 2 of you and 1 is at work all day, the dishwasher shouldn't need to go on every night or are you cooking him a 3 course dinner every night to add to your already "super busy day"??

@RosesAndHellebores

Why don't you blame his dad?

And how does him paying another woman to do his share help?

"Sorting the house out" being unload a dishwasher and make a brew?

Tbh neither of your days sound terribly hectic, sounds normal and quite relaxed!

I think that perhaps it is a mountain and molehill situation tbh OP. You've not mentioned 80% of the things that normal people do day to day, who does all of the extra bits?

This really made me laugh!

Is he up to date on MAFS AUS?

This.

85k is not four times more than 28k

Well something needs to change doesn't it? You sound like the housekeeper and he sounds like the lodger. In fact not even the lodger as lodger's as they generally do their own laundry!

I suppose the bottom line is, do you want to stay married to this lazy waste of space - if so you need to thrash it out and let him know that this is not sustainable and either he starts pulling his weight or he ships out. And you need to mean it.