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Original poster

My day versus his day

1000 replies

Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 10:42

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

OP posts:
Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 08/04/2023 12:51

'People may be appalled at this but there was a lot of responsibility in what we did.
If you stuff up digging a hole, not much fallout. If you stuff up coding a banking system, medical devices, rail,etc.it'suge fall out.'

Good grief! Appalled yes, also by this entitled, patronising garbage re digging holes... skilled manual labour where if you' stuff up' it can certainly affect, endanger millions. Think about it.

As someone who runs an intensive care unit, currently on maternity leave, I find the working practices you describe in your oh so well paid, such highly skilled job, totally nauseating and unethical.

rainingsnoring · 08/04/2023 13:09

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 08/04/2023 12:51

'People may be appalled at this but there was a lot of responsibility in what we did.
If you stuff up digging a hole, not much fallout. If you stuff up coding a banking system, medical devices, rail,etc.it'suge fall out.'

Good grief! Appalled yes, also by this entitled, patronising garbage re digging holes... skilled manual labour where if you' stuff up' it can certainly affect, endanger millions. Think about it.

As someone who runs an intensive care unit, currently on maternity leave, I find the working practices you describe in your oh so well paid, such highly skilled job, totally nauseating and unethical.

Ditto.
Can't possibly think of any serious consequences if a hole is dug in the wrong place! Some people who don't do very much (see pp's description of the 'work' and laziness of some of these people) really think they are better than others purely because of the salary they earn. Ugh.

Still, this is nothing to do with the @Spiderplantweb's thread. This man is lazy, selfish and useless and you need to get the house on the market or him out asap! This will only get worse.

Mirabai · 08/04/2023 13:22

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 08/04/2023 12:42

'Some of us do earn that salary but don’t think that earning £28k makes you worthless in comparison.'

Exactly.

Where has anyone said that??

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 08/04/2023 14:43

Exactly. 😊

And I have said earlier about her lazy 'co-habitee' and that in my irritation I initially wrongly focused only on the salary etc.

emptythelitterbox · 08/04/2023 15:11

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 08/04/2023 12:51

'People may be appalled at this but there was a lot of responsibility in what we did.
If you stuff up digging a hole, not much fallout. If you stuff up coding a banking system, medical devices, rail,etc.it'suge fall out.'

Good grief! Appalled yes, also by this entitled, patronising garbage re digging holes... skilled manual labour where if you' stuff up' it can certainly affect, endanger millions. Think about it.

As someone who runs an intensive care unit, currently on maternity leave, I find the working practices you describe in your oh so well paid, such highly skilled job, totally nauseating and unethical.

If you can't tell the difference in importance of hiring someone digging holes to put up a fence in your garden and programming the drug error reduction software for an infusion pump, then I don't know what to say.

billy1966 · 08/04/2023 15:17

Mirabai · 08/04/2023 09:11

I don’t feel in the slightest bit sorry for him OP. His laziness and entitlement would have killed your love from him even without the money issue.

Me neither.

I feel so sorry for the OP that she has tolerated this lazy selfish waster who could care less about her for so long.

Wasting her life paying for the lifestyle of a man who could care less about her.

She works hard for thinks she deserves no more that to be this losers skivvy at home.

Of course he loves his life eith her🙄.

He has it made.🙄.

One precious life and she's wasting it on a complete loser.

So sad.

Rosula · 08/04/2023 16:16

BelindaBears · 08/04/2023 09:16

Some of us do earn that salary but don’t think that earning £28k makes you worthless in comparison.

Show quote history

Literally no-one, including OP, has said that.

Rosula · 08/04/2023 16:20

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:23

You’re not doing much compared to what I do, and probably many others. Your day sounds pretty leisurely to me.

don’t have kids, then you will have grounds for complaint

Why do you imagine that what you do has any relevance whatsoever to OP's query? Does it make it OK that she is doing all the work on top of a full time job whilst her fiancé expects her to wait on him?

Rosula · 08/04/2023 16:23

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:48

Sorry, but I was reading it and thinking that’s quite a nice day. 😂

She seems head screwed on and very efficient compared to her partner. She should draw up a list of tasks and speak to her partner

Show quote history

Why post on this thread without bothering to read OP's posts? It's not as if MN doesn't make it very easy to do. If you had, you would know why your last sentence is ridiculous.

Rosula · 08/04/2023 16:32

zingally · 08/04/2023 12:07

Yawn, another MN self-appointed police officer of internet ettiquette.

You... know how the internet works? Right?

Show quote history

You haven't even managed to read that post properly, have you? Because there is nothing about it that can sensibly be read as policing etiquette. It's simply making the point that when you post without reading OP's posts, it's a waste of your time and risks making you look just a bit silly. But, by all means, if you're happy to look silly, crack on. I'm sure you won't complain when someone points it out, because of course you don't want to look as if you're trying to police the internet, do you?

KTheGrey · 08/04/2023 16:33

I don't think you have to care about how it looks to other people. He brings nothing to your life and he's taking up the space where you could put somebody who could. It is perfectly reasonable to end a relationship that makes you feel tired and put upon - especially if you would like to have children. There are always loads of posters asking why women have children with pointless men, and I think you are very responsible to finish this relationship and look for another so you avoid that trap.

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:40

Rosula · 08/04/2023 00:21

Sigh. Yet another one who hasn't bothered to read OP's posts. Do you really think that OP hasn't tried telling him that? And did you miss the bit where this hardworking man proposed to go part time?

Show quote history

As we're only 800 posts in of course people thing we're coming in with revolutionary ideas...😠

It's exasperating!

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:41

Justdontbejudgy · 08/04/2023 00:43

Walking the dog seems to have a significant impact their day....

Probably the part she enjoys!

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:43

CallieQ · 08/04/2023 01:19

Firstly ditch one of the dog walks surely they don't need 3 a day
Then get DH to do one a day and cook dinner a few nights a week

OFGS! RTFT!!!

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:45

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:23

You’re not doing much compared to what I do, and probably many others. Your day sounds pretty leisurely to me.

don’t have kids, then you will have grounds for complaint

<speechless>

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:48

Spiderplantweb · 08/04/2023 08:48

I mentioned the little household chores because they are the ones the grate the most. He doesn’t clean, do any washing, look after the garden. Anything. But there is something really bloody irritating about cleaning the house and then him opening the post and just leaving the envelopes and packaging on the side for me to put in the bin. Or him having a lie in and then me having to go round after he’s got up and pull up the blinds and make the bed because he doesn’t see the point because “you’re just going to get in it again later”. It’s these tiny things of which there are dozens that feel so disrespectful when I have done everything else- and actually I feel like he is making more work for me as well as not even appreciating what I do.

for those who asked we’re engaged, but I couldn’t bring myself to marry him, so it is just the house that needs to be sorted. I doubt he’ll want to move out because we are only a 10minutes walk from his work and he won’t get anything else as close. But we’ll see what happens

I feel the salary is very relevant here (despite people calling me a snob) he regularly tells me he loves our life together and that he thinks we have got it made. The type of life he has he couldn’t have by himself. He goes away at least once a month on weekends away for example. My life feels like it is entirely propping up his. When I have broken up with men previously emotionally things have been tough but we’ve both gone on our merry ways, whereas here the life he’s had for the last few years is going to change hugely.

Bloody good job too, frankly

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:50

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 08/04/2023 08:52

Get him to feed the dogs, implement the rule "one cooks, one cleans, you pick".

Sorted.

Yes. In all this time the OP's never tried this.

And not one poster, in 850+ posts has mentioned it either...

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:52

BelindaBears · 08/04/2023 09:16

Some of us do earn that salary but don’t think that earning £28k makes you worthless in comparison.

Show quote history

It does when you do nothing but sit on your arse or swan off funded by your higher-earning partner

Plenty of SAHM (who don't sit on their arses) get castigated for just that on here - probably by the same posters!

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:53

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:48

Sorry, but I was reading it and thinking that’s quite a nice day. 😂

She seems head screwed on and very efficient compared to her partner. She should draw up a list of tasks and speak to her partner

Show quote history

You still haven't bloody read it!!

Gablonz · 08/04/2023 17:00

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 16:52

It does when you do nothing but sit on your arse or swan off funded by your higher-earning partner

Plenty of SAHM (who don't sit on their arses) get castigated for just that on here - probably by the same posters!

Show quote history

Well said.
This has been the most ridiculous thread ever and all because OP mentioned her salary at the beginning.
This asshole is sitting around doing absolutely fucking nothing at home. He's living a lifestyle he couldn't afford on his own while not pulling his weight. Yes, he goes to work, but then he does nothing else, and he's living beyond his means, funded by the OP.
He can't be compared to a SAHM on a part-time salary either because he is not caring for the children.
He is a cocklodger and he should be shown the door, before the OP ends up in a situation like the woman on the other thread who is pregnant, unwell, has fainting spells and her partner can't even manage to load a fucking dishwasher. And on that thread posters are blaming the OP saying "You knew what he was like before you got pregnant"
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4780480-i-carry-the-entire-load-but-is-it-on-me?page=4&reply=125269731

Page 4 | I carry the entire load - but is it on me? | Mumsnet

Mumsnet makes parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support on everything from conception to childbirth, from babies to teenagers.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4780480-i-carry-the-entire-load-but-is-it-on-me?page=4&reply=125269731

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 08/04/2023 17:01

OP just mentions digging holes... not a fence in her garden, if I remember righty. However even if it were just that it's still important to be able to identify gas pipes, water pipes etc. in order not to cause some pretty catastrophic destruction, danger, life-threatening situations all round. Her post was 'appalling', her own word however you choose to interpret it.

Sailingaround · 08/04/2023 17:20

SkyandSurf · 08/04/2023 10:49

All these posters saying 'why have you mentioned salary' as though a partners income is not a relevant consideration in terms of who to marry and build a life with.

What world are we pretending we live in?

Exactly. I don’t get it. If he was earning far more than her and was enabling her to go part-time in the near future the uneven split of chores might be a bit more palatable. Instead it’s the opposite.

someone said something like “if he goes part time he could do more housework??”
Terrible idea 😑 he should be doing more housework NOW and why would he go part-time and then put even more on the financial burden on OP? If he lived on his
Own he wouldn’t be able to consider part-time so unless there’s childcare involved this would be massively taking the piss.

I’m only a third way through the thread but I’ve read all of @Spiderplantweb posts and glad you are NOT married to him. You feel bad about your judgment in picking him as a partner but that was a very wise decision not to marry him. I hope you can make a clean break with the house stuff and move onto better whether it’s the single life or a man who doesn’t take you for granted.

Issania87 · 08/04/2023 17:24

I love that people assume your job isn't stressful because it's 9 to 6 and pays well 🙄

Ask him to contribute more or leave. If he does nothing now, what's he going to be like if you have a family?

BlueLabel · 08/04/2023 17:28

Twentyfirstcenturymumma OP doesn't mention digging holes at all. Thunk you've confused her with someone posting on the thread

Thesharkradar · 08/04/2023 17:48

the life he’s had for the last few years is going to change hugely
BEWARE OP
he will want to cling on to his golden goose (ie you) I think you may need to be strategic and get everything sewn up so he cant worm his way back in

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