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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
FrigginFrig · 05/04/2023 09:51

What a cheeky fucker, dying to know what her reply is going to be 😂

Itakecreaminmycoffee · 05/04/2023 09:51

if you invite, you host

So by that rule I guess no one would ever go out anywhere, ever?

Someone has to be the inviter, so by her reckoning said gathering should always be held at that persons house, no question? So I take it she's never been to a pub or restaurant then?

She's a batshit CF.

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 09:52

Wow what a cheeky fucker! She could absolutely get to fuck from this day forward.

meganorks · 05/04/2023 09:53

It sounds like someone else shut her down first and you backed it up. But if she tries again maybe you need to say like
'That isn't what this group has ever been about. Someone suggests a night out for dinner or drinks and people come if they are able to. Sometimes it's a big group, sometimes smaller. Never has anyone offered to host. If you are going to insist people have to host constantly it will become pretty tiresome.'

What an absolute CF! For a start, hosting is a choice, not something thrust upon you by someone else! A stranger essentially!

woodhill · 05/04/2023 09:54

Yes it was tactfully worded

Very presumptuous of her

msbevvy · 05/04/2023 09:54

She's really shown herself up as an entitled weirdo. Lucky she did it in front of the whole group and not just you.

By her logic, restaurants would not exist as anyone who suggested eating out would end up hosting at home.

whattodo1975 · 05/04/2023 09:54

I'd definitely brace yourself for her turning up to the Chinese place and expecting you to pay for her.

MagpiePi · 05/04/2023 09:56

If she does ever join you out for a meet up, I’d make absolutely sure she knows she pays for herself. I imagine she’s one who orders starters, the most expensive main, dessert and lots of alcohol and then expects the bill to be spilt equally.
CF!!

Minfilia · 05/04/2023 09:56

Haha, who thinks it’s okay to invite themselves and a group to a random strangers house?!

batshit!

Summerslimtime · 05/04/2023 09:56

How rude!

GabriellaMontez · 05/04/2023 09:56

Good, clear, fair response from you. Wonder if she'll come.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 10:00

Maybe she doesn't understand social niceities or maybe she's a massive CF

Or she's a massive CF who deliberately pretends that she doesn't understand social niceties as her modus operandi!

JenniferBarkley · 05/04/2023 10:00

I'd be tempted to react to her "you invite, you host" message with the laugh crying emoji but probably classier not to!

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2023 10:01

JenniferBarkley · 05/04/2023 10:00

I'd be tempted to react to her "you invite, you host" message with the laugh crying emoji but probably classier not to!

Tbf it doesn't sound like the CF would recognise class or lack of it either way Grin

JMSA · 05/04/2023 10:02

Cheeky bitch!
She could always feast on the chip on her shoulder Grin

Tealknittedjumpers · 05/04/2023 10:03

I'd want to say "if you can't afford a 15 quid Chinese,what makes you think I can afford eating and heating for 5/6/7 (however many) people??"

PrettyMaybug · 05/04/2023 10:04

fairgame84 · 05/04/2023 09:12

Shut that down straight away.
Reply that you always meet at a restaurant and don't host at home. She's new to the group, she can't start dictating how you do your meet ups.

This in spades. ^ You say to her, 'I've absolutely no idea why you're suggesting meeting at my house. We've never done this.' I also don't understand why other people in the group have not spoken up. Wow, what an absolute cow.

Maddy128 · 05/04/2023 10:04

“Sadly unable to host here, but looking forward to trying the new Chinese, if you’d like to join me see you there at 7. Love to catch up with everyone else too, we’ll have to get casual drinks in the diary soon”

FiledAwayInABox · 05/04/2023 10:05

I just don't believe this. Someone is teasing you OP! Don't be so gullible

Gladiaterf · 05/04/2023 10:06

Jesus Christ, what a cheeky cow.

Whattt44 · 05/04/2023 10:07

Are people really this cheeky?

CheersForThatEh · 05/04/2023 10:08

I would just post a laughing emoji , ignore and make the Chinese meal plan.

Georgyporky · 05/04/2023 10:08

Probably a CF, but is she perhaps from a different culture where it's normal for the host/organiser to pay?

Gilmorehill · 05/04/2023 10:09

fairgame84 · 05/04/2023 09:12

Shut that down straight away.
Reply that you always meet at a restaurant and don't host at home. She's new to the group, she can't start dictating how you do your meet ups.

Totally agree.

moomoomoo27 · 05/04/2023 10:10

I'm petty af so I'd message her and her only with the address of someone else I also don't like and let her turn up there expecting dinner.