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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
NotAnotherBathBomb · 05/04/2023 09:23

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 05/04/2023 09:19

"I'm not hosting. If you fancy hosting you are more than welcome to arrange it.

Meet at X at Y pm?"

I wouldn't mention her hosting out of fear of her offering. Doesn't sound like someone who is want to spend an evening in their home with.

Itsbytheby · 05/04/2023 09:24

Just say "no, sorry, that's not possible"

Sittwritt · 05/04/2023 09:25

Santasoorplooms · 05/04/2023 09:17

“I’ve booked a table at X for 5 at 7pm” let me know by Friday if you can make it or not so I can finalise the numbers. We’ll obviously split the bill/pay for ourselves as usual.”

This is great. But saying she can’t afford dinner means she may use the victim card on you.

‘sorry I can’t host’ and ‘if anyone can still meet, let me know and I can book somewhere’ (without saying dinner)

Dont be bullied.

LauraSaidIShouldBeNicer · 05/04/2023 09:26

She's a cheeky mare isn't she!!!

CrinklyLoveStick · 05/04/2023 09:26

Cheeky cow!

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 05/04/2023 09:27

'if you invite, you host'.

You are hosting. Just at the Chinese, not your home 😉

TwitTwooTooYou · 05/04/2023 09:27

Ankleblisters · 05/04/2023 09:20

It wasn't an 'invite'. It was a suggestion!

I like this!

OMGitsnotgood · 05/04/2023 09:28

'Sorry you can't make it. I really want to try the new Chinese, and wondered if anyone wanted to come with me. If you would prefer a quiet night in with drinks and nibbles, would be happy to bring a bottle to yours another time'

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/04/2023 09:29

Santasoorplooms · 05/04/2023 09:17

“I’ve booked a table at X for 5 at 7pm” let me know by Friday if you can make it or not so I can finalise the numbers. We’ll obviously split the bill/pay for ourselves as usual.”

I would send something like this. She's a CF

MinnieEgg · 05/04/2023 09:29

You are hosting. Just at the Chinese, not your home 😉

Well she's not going to say that is she! Confused

Brefugee · 05/04/2023 09:30

blimey. I'd just say "nope, you're new so you probably don't realise how we do this. Someone suggests, we agree on a place, and if people can't go for whatever reason, they don't go, no problem"

and if there is any blowback from her just grey rock.

IamnotSethRogan · 05/04/2023 09:32

Shaaaaaaaaaaaaamelessly place marking

readbooksdrinktea · 05/04/2023 09:32

"No pressure to join. But I'm not hosting."

BrutusMcDogface · 05/04/2023 09:32

I’d just reply with something like “I’m dying to try the new Chinese too, so let’s say 7pm there? Hope to see you but don’t worry if you can’t make it.”

I wonder what the other group members are thinking?

lemonsugarsnap · 05/04/2023 09:32

I would say 'No, I won't be hosting. Sorry you can't make it!' Then continue your discussion. Bloody weird.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 05/04/2023 09:33

I'd reply "sorry you can't make it, maybe another time hey?" Then ignore.

mycatsanutter · 05/04/2023 09:34

I just can't believe the cheek of people when she is new !

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 05/04/2023 09:35

MinnieEgg · 05/04/2023 09:29

You are hosting. Just at the Chinese, not your home 😉

Well she's not going to say that is she! Confused

Why not?! I did mean not at the OPs home!

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2023 09:35

My god, she's rude.

I mean, you can always reply with what you said in your OP I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. but someone helpfully covered that with stating what the group does which is eat out... So I'd probably mostly ignore replying to her snipes directly and say, 'Shame you can't join us, maybe next time!'

Blessedbethefknfruit · 05/04/2023 09:36

Haha, she's a funny one.

BeachBlondey · 05/04/2023 09:37

Some people are Bonkers.

benten54 · 05/04/2023 09:37

Valour · 05/04/2023 09:14

"I'm not hosting. Shall we say 7 at the Chinese?"

Yes just this. Perfect perfect response.

Greentree1 · 05/04/2023 09:38

Try, 'We don't do it like that, we just meet up sometimes anyone can come or not come and we pay our own way, nobody hosts at home. You could suggest meeting at yours sometime if that's what you prefer.'

Theimpossiblegirl · 05/04/2023 09:38

You know there will be others on the chat rolling their eyes at her too. She's a CF. Just say what's been suggested and enjoy your Chinese.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 05/04/2023 09:39

So strange, she doesn't sound like someone you'd want to invite to your house even if you were happy to host
Wonder if she was hoping you might all offer to chip in and cover her dinner at the restaurant?