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Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
JKTrolling · 05/04/2023 10:44

She sound common. No wonder she doesn’t have £15 for a buffet!

Soloohyes · 05/04/2023 10:46

7Worfs · 05/04/2023 09:15

Ignore her entirely. Your next message to the group should be: “7pm at Restaurant X, see you all there! 🥘 “

This.

FlipFlopBattle · 05/04/2023 10:46

Give her one more chance to prove she is not a CF, but you could then post "Actually, I'm liking CF's plans to shake things up a bit. The next person to comment here hosts everyone at theirs in May!". Then the rest of you hop over to a new group and carry on as usual...

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 05/04/2023 10:47

I've seen this handled beautifully in another group, but in person rather than online. The 'host' listened to the suggestion and then said, "OK, so the Chinese it is. Thursday? Who's coming? I'll book a table for 7pm."

OutDamnedSpot · 05/04/2023 10:48

I’m on a very similar group chat (so similar I wondered if it was the same one) and this would be treated with short shrift there. I’m glad you’ve nipped it in the bud.

AxolotlOnions · 05/04/2023 10:51

"Oh I get it, you invited everyone to my place to say you're happy to host. 7pm at CF's it is!"

Whataretheodds · 05/04/2023 10:51

MinnieEgg · 05/04/2023 09:29

You are hosting. Just at the Chinese, not your home 😉

Well she's not going to say that is she! Confused

Don't imply this. That would mean you'd pick up the bill for everyone.

Crumpleton · 05/04/2023 10:52

h3ll0o · 05/04/2023 09:17

This 👆

Show quote history

Yep, this...short and to the point.
Don't leave the door open for CF to have another say.

Ellie1015 · 05/04/2023 10:53

Good reply OP. Hope that is the end of it.

Good to stand your ground otherwise she could always dictate the plans and it would probably put people off organising anything

redskylight · 05/04/2023 10:54

Just to offer a different opinion - she's new to the group, she doesn't know how things work in "your" group yet. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?

I have plenty of groups of friends where it would be perfectly reasonable to respond to "anyone fancy a meal out next week" with "nar, I'm skint, can we all come round yours instead?". And actually what tends to happen in that case is that whilst I'm "hosting" everyone turns up with wine, chocolates and nibbles, it's absolutely no bother for me, other than putting some things in the dishwasher at the end of the night, and I end up with the leftovers :)

If she had a similar idea in mind, then can't see that it's particularly CF. And if you have members in your group that can't afford to eat out, maybe you should consider some alternative social events that don't involve them having to do so?

IAcceptCookies · 05/04/2023 10:54

Bloody hell, you didn't 'invite' and you're not hosting, you suggested your group go out together.

No apology, just a 'no' and reiteration of plans.

Eddielizzard · 05/04/2023 10:55

Wow brass neck! you handled it perfectly.

Delatron · 05/04/2023 10:56

redskylight · 05/04/2023 10:54

Just to offer a different opinion - she's new to the group, she doesn't know how things work in "your" group yet. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?

I have plenty of groups of friends where it would be perfectly reasonable to respond to "anyone fancy a meal out next week" with "nar, I'm skint, can we all come round yours instead?". And actually what tends to happen in that case is that whilst I'm "hosting" everyone turns up with wine, chocolates and nibbles, it's absolutely no bother for me, other than putting some things in the dishwasher at the end of the night, and I end up with the leftovers :)

If she had a similar idea in mind, then can't see that it's particularly CF. And if you have members in your group that can't afford to eat out, maybe you should consider some alternative social events that don't involve them having to do so?

She’s never met the OP. You categorically do not invite a load of people to someone’s house you’ve never met for them to host.

lemmein · 05/04/2023 10:57

People like this just fascinate me 😅

Crumpleton · 05/04/2023 10:58

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

You can't afford to eat out, you don't go

SpringHasSprung23 · 05/04/2023 10:59

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 05/04/2023 09:35

Why not?! I did mean not at the OPs home!

Show quote history

@dexterslockedintheshedagain because if you HOST at a restaurant, you PAY & the OP isn't, she's just suggesting a meet up.

@WillowtreeHouse I'd wait & see what people post today. Others may put her back in a box.

if not, I'd just reply something like,

'No, that's not how we do it here. We enjoy going out to eat so someone suggests a date & then we agree on a venue. If peopke can/want to come, great, but no pressure if you can't afford it or have other plans, or just don't fancy it!

So I'll book for x number, please confirm by Thursday night so I can finalise numbers.

Willow

Redebs · 05/04/2023 11:03

Another member has told her that you meet up and pay for yourselves. I suggest repeating it word for word if she mentions it again, but since she has already said she won't be coming, go ahead and organise without her. Confirm names on the group beforehand and say that you're booking for that number.
Hopefully she will get bored and leave the group.

dooneyousmugelf · 05/04/2023 11:04

What the fuck? 🤣🤣 I'd just be like 'sorry you can't make it, hopefully another time' simple as that.
This is off the scale of cheek. I don't even know what the word for it would be!

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 11:04

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

Point out that you didn't "invite" - you made a suggestion, and people were free to join the company or not as finances, mood, health, other commitments, prior arrangements with a Netflix serial allow.

I'm glad at least one other person recognises her CF-ery.

She's got a bloomin' nerve 😠

ReadersD1gest · 05/04/2023 11:04

Why are you giving this muppet headspace? Ignore her and continue arranging what Chinese you're all on for with the rest of the group.

PriamFarrl · 05/04/2023 11:05

I want to know what she replies. I see her point that eating out is expensive, in my group of friends we usually go out for birthdays, but we haven’t since last summer because we can’t afford it. However, these are good friends and we are all fine with that.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/04/2023 11:06

Valour · Today 09:14
"I'm not hosting. Shall we say 7 at the Chinese?”

This.

2bazookas · 05/04/2023 11:06

Just reply " Newnut, we've never met, so have some manners.

I'll look forward to seeing the rest of you at the Chinese as arranged. "

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 11:07

BusyMum47 · 05/04/2023 09:23

Making the point about paying for yourselves is a great idea!!

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It certainly is - otherwise can see her kicking up a fuss about that, too (when she has ordered a la carte and drunk 15 brandy snowballs).

Viviennemary · 05/04/2023 11:07

Say oh shall we will all come to your house then. You can host and,provide food. But probably completing ignoring her is best.