To think this is so cheeky?

[WillowtreeHouse]

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

Definitely don’t say you’re hosting at the Chinese, she’ll take that to mean you’re paying.

Wow, what a CF!

I'd ignore her messages.

This is perfect, thank you, I've just posted words to that effect I'm just a bit shocked that she would think this and the snotty comment 'you invite, you host' has really wound me up.

I’d be so tempted to blatantly ignore her as her suggestion is so rude/ridiculous.

’For those that can make it - 7pm at the Chinese, looking’.

Bet all the rest of the group think she’s cheeky too.

Don't delay your response. She's a CF and you need to nip this in the bud ASAP. If she can't afford to go out well then tough she doesn't. Don't let her change the dynamic of the group.

Perfect reply OP. She’s got a nerve suggesting you host.

I'm definitely not saying that I'm hosting at the Chinese either because she could assume that I'm paying. I'm not 'hosting' anywhere, it's just a get together for some food!

“You invite, you host”
”ummm not in this group you don’t! If anyone fancies a meet up, they suggest and then people come, or not, depending on if they are available or fancy it. Everyone pays for their own dinner. So, I’ve booked a table at xxx for 7.30!”

To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

Someone just needs to reply to explain how get-togethers within the group work.

Seeing as she's new, she's not exactly making friends with snippy comments about hosting!

Why on earth should OP say "sorry"?

Cheeky chancer !
Suggest you all go to hers if she's into house parties.

Nip that one in bud before it blooms.

At least she's shown her hand early as to what kind of a CF she is. If she's deliberately manipulated a causal "Hey, folks, does anybody fancy meeting up?" into a demanded compulsory banquet to be hosted and funded by you, you can be certain that she's one of life's entitled takers. She's clearly one to watch and never to give an inch to, as she'll be demanding those miles from the outset.

Lifts, childcare, subbing/'lending' her money, free meals, free accommodation - all of these could be in her sights before long.

Any of the other people who declined may have not been able to make the date, not like Chinese food or can't afford to go out for a meal this time - but they are acting like normal, reasonable adult people to a standard suggestion. Her first thought is "I am entitled to this; now, who is going to pay for it for me?".

"The suggestion was to meet at X Chinese for dinner, I was not offering to "host" anything. Shame if you can't make it, maybe another time."

Fair point!! I'm a bit twp this morning, my apologies......

Well, I guess she doesn't have to. But to show commiseration with the CF's situation.

This is perfect.

she was unbelievably rude.

The absolute epitome of cheeky fuckery.
How on earth does someone think they can invite people to your home and get you to cater when they barely know you?!?

I don't really want to make her feel like the 'new girl' by saying that's not how we do things. But it's not how we do things!

One of the other group has just sent me a message with about a hundred laughing emojis. 😂

I can't believe the check of people at times.
Def nip in the bud quick smart, she's the type to change the whole dynamics of the group if you let her.

I'd point out it was a suggestion, not an invitation, and if it doesn't suit her it's a shame but it is what it is.

It was definitely worth reinforcing that you all pay your share. A friend of mine had a friend who turned up to a meal out in a group, then sat back and said "well I don't have any money" when the bill came, and they had to cover her share. She managed to do it twice before they stopped including her in any invitations to go out!

Or if feeling a little bitchier; "For clarity, it was not a suggestion to meet not an invitation to my house, I would have thought that was clear but perhaps not".

That would be very strange though surely? If someone suggests a dinner / lunch or whatever why on earth would you think that meant they were paying? Friendship would be an expensive business if so!!

Glad you mentioned paying for yourselves Op, imagine if she'd turned up expecting you to pay. Maybe she doesn't understand social niceities or maybe she's a massive CF 😂