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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 13/04/2023 09:03

She did turn up for the run and then or the meal. It was an early quick run (6pm) then home for a quick shower then at the restaurant for 8. It was odd though because she didn't really speak to anyone - we all made an effort, even me! I think she'll probably decide that this group isn't for her, I think she's used to a more 'upmarket' lot than us. The only comment she really made was astonishment that not all of our children go to private school (a couple do, but most don't). She wasn't unpleasant at all, just not involved. We'll see.

OP posts:
ThatsGenderwang · 13/04/2023 09:09

WillowtreeHouse · 13/04/2023 09:03

She did turn up for the run and then or the meal. It was an early quick run (6pm) then home for a quick shower then at the restaurant for 8. It was odd though because she didn't really speak to anyone - we all made an effort, even me! I think she'll probably decide that this group isn't for her, I think she's used to a more 'upmarket' lot than us. The only comment she really made was astonishment that not all of our children go to private school (a couple do, but most don't). She wasn't unpleasant at all, just not involved. We'll see.

But she said she couldn't afford dinner out, so the 'upmarket expectations' seem odd.

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 09:14

That's really weird.
Do you think she was expecting a really posh restaurant?
Or do you think she wanted to check out your house, status symbol?,

I've got it
She thinks running groups are full of monied people who wouldn't object to her sponging of them.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 13/04/2023 09:30

I think Sugarfree23 is on the money, she thinks you are all monied and she is a cf looking for a rich husband.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/04/2023 09:51

Does she have kid(s) at private school, and is surprised that you aren't as wealthy as she is; or is it that any kids she has are at state school, but she somehow randomly assumed that the rest of you were much richer than she was - presumably because of your interest in running, which is largely a.... free activity?!

ThatsGenderwang · 13/04/2023 10:10

She want to get inside your homes and steal your jewelry like Emma in Hustle because one of you fiddled her out of a school raffle prize ten years ago

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 10:17

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/04/2023 09:51

Does she have kid(s) at private school, and is surprised that you aren't as wealthy as she is; or is it that any kids she has are at state school, but she somehow randomly assumed that the rest of you were much richer than she was - presumably because of your interest in running, which is largely a.... free activity?!

Running might be free, but I'd reckon that they'll be more runners in professional jobs than not.

Hard to explain but generally professional seem to make more effort to get fit / keep themselves fit.

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 13/04/2023 10:21

She has two children at private school and looking at her car and where she lives I think she probably has more money than the rest of us put together so I'm not sure where the initial 'can't afford a chinese' came from. Though you never know someone's situation I suppose.

OP posts:
Gothambutnotahamster · 13/04/2023 10:25

As my granny would say, Fur coat and no knickers springs to mind!

Well done for being polite & trying to engage with her! Your group sounds lovely and I'd love to be part of a running group like that if you were near me! You're not near Birmingham are you? Grin

MeridianB · 13/04/2023 10:27

Who makes any kind of comment about other people's children not being at private school? It's beyond rude. Hopefully she will now jog on.....

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 10:28

Yip fur coat nae knickers and up to her eyeballs in debt.

I can't think of any other reason for the no money for a Chinese. But she's clearly assumed you or someone else has plenty money.

Being curious does she realise the man in the group is married to one of the women?

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 13/04/2023 10:36

It was never about the money, it's all about exerting control and trying to make herself queen bee.
It didn't work, especially with trying to get the man on her side, so now she'll either up the ante or move on.
Hope you all had a fun night anyway!

Gothambutnotahamster · 13/04/2023 10:39

You're probably right @SmallAngryPenguinWoman but such a pity anyone has to act that way!

Trixiefirecracker · 13/04/2023 10:46

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 13/04/2023 10:36

It was never about the money, it's all about exerting control and trying to make herself queen bee.
It didn't work, especially with trying to get the man on her side, so now she'll either up the ante or move on.
Hope you all had a fun night anyway!

I think this is absolutely correct!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/04/2023 10:52

Running might be free, but I'd reckon that they'll be more runners in professional jobs than not.

Hard to explain but generally professional seem to make more effort to get fit / keep themselves fit.

Maybe, but that doesn't follow that everybody who goes running can be assumed to be a well-paid professional - who just happen to have decided to focus their efforts on a free fitness activity, rather than an expensive gym.

Even so, there are loads of people who are in professional jobs who still couldn't hope to be able to pay for private school, even if they want to.

It's a deliberately snobby thing to do, pretending that you assume everybody sends their children to private school, when you know very well that the vast majority don't. It's hardly in the same category as being shocked to discover that somebody in 2023 Britain doesn't have an inside toilet.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/04/2023 11:02

She has two children at private school and looking at her car and where she lives I think she probably has more money than the rest of us put together so I'm not sure where the initial 'can't afford a chinese' came from. Though you never know someone's situation I suppose.

Then that just makes her even more outrageously cheeky. She 'can't afford' a meal out at a reasonably-priced place because she has already decided to pay thousands of times that on luxury schooling, housing and car.

I wonder if she's one of these tiresome people who will just say 'I can't afford it' when they basically mean 'I want somebody else to pay for it for me'. Not in any way like the people who either genuinely cannot afford something or who could afford it, but choose to prioritise their budget elsewhere and therefore gladly do without it.

ThatsGenderwang · 13/04/2023 11:04

Thing is, she now has private and personal information about members of the group that she didn't have before, from which financial inferences may be drawn.

Trixiefirecracker · 13/04/2023 11:07

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll i actually think this is BS. Why in earth would you make that assumption?

VWHoliday · 13/04/2023 11:25

The more I read about her, the more I think she is weird.

The comment about private school must have been awkward.

She really doesn't know how to make friends very well.

Is she married? divorced? I'm just intrigued about her.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/04/2023 11:35

@Trixiefirecracker

Which part of my comments are you referring to? What assumptions have I actually made?!

IncompleteSenten · 13/04/2023 11:59

Your description reminds me of a woman I know who joins groups and immediately tries to take over and become the 'boss'.

That sort of person is insufferable.

MavisMcMinty · 13/04/2023 12:15

IncompleteSenten · 13/04/2023 11:59

Your description reminds me of a woman I know who joins groups and immediately tries to take over and become the 'boss'.

That sort of person is insufferable.

Heh, yes. Many years ago we had a vacancy in our shared rented house, and our landlords said we could find a replacement. We saw some very strange applicants, including a married taxi driver in his 50s (we were all women in our early 20s) who just wanted somewhere he could shag his mistress, but there was also a woman who bounced in, asking which one of us was “head housemate” and did we rotate the role because she was head housemate in her current house-share so had valuable experience.

Fraaahnces · 13/04/2023 14:14

Well, she did play “Woe is me, I’m being “Mean Girls”ed by the women in the group” messaging the (married) bloke in the WhatsApp group. Sounds like she’s using the running group as a hunting expedition, and she’s going to be sorely disappointed by what’s in season.

Saschka · 13/04/2023 14:15

MavisMcMinty · 13/04/2023 12:15

Heh, yes. Many years ago we had a vacancy in our shared rented house, and our landlords said we could find a replacement. We saw some very strange applicants, including a married taxi driver in his 50s (we were all women in our early 20s) who just wanted somewhere he could shag his mistress, but there was also a woman who bounced in, asking which one of us was “head housemate” and did we rotate the role because she was head housemate in her current house-share so had valuable experience.

Show quote history

“Head housemate” GrinGrinGrin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/04/2023 14:59

Head Housemate is hilarious! It's the equivalent of telling a 2yo that she is 'Mummy's Special big Girl' now that the new baby has arrived - but for a fully-grown adult Grin