To think this is so cheeky?

[WillowtreeHouse]

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

… also, she obviously doesn’t know how to behave with her ‘you invite, you host’ crap. She sounds common as muck and a taker.

I’d have told her to “jog on” 😎

She sounds narcissistic. I am glad you will be forming a new WhatsApp group to organise your next meet up - it sounds like your group is friendly so you don’t need someone like this to muscle in on your friendly dynamic and try to cause a rift as well.

Put her out of your mind OP.

You're all handling it beautifully OP.

Fight fire with water, not petrol.

Throw food at her on your next run, during the gruelling parts 😅CF

Please don’t feel bad. The ‘you invite, you host’ comment was terrible, actually borderline confrontational and aggressive, and I’m not surprised you said it had got to you. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re doing fine.

I agree with the conciseness of your reply, not saying anything about her being new etc. The more you say, the more she’ll try to use it against you. Just step right back from her shit and as a pp said, let the group deal with it collectively.

She sounds....easy going 🙄
🤣

"Not in this group, we don't. Many of us can afford to go out occasionally, but few of us can afford to host the entire group. Our way lets everyone participate without breaking the bank. I'm so sorry you can't manage it. We'll miss you."

Big red flags. Seriously, her behaviour (the weird ‘you invite, you host’ the eye-roll, the contacting other members privately) suggests she’s a bit unhinged. I have known a couple of people like this, one in particular when I was much younger and less experienced. She caused massive trouble. Her behaviour was similar (pre-texting days) but she would turn up on people’s doorsteps. Please IGNORE her. Do not get involved. Do not engage.
Your group sounds very nice. She is nuts.

Just tell her no. You are not going to change the way the club has always done things for one person. Be just as "snippy".

Heh, excellent suggestion.

It’s so irritating when people can’t be bothered to read all the OP’s posts.

This has elements of what's known as 'classic Wendying behaviour' on mnet. A person, usually a woman, is befriended by another & the newcomer slowly starts to isolate the original friend.

This nutter is trying to do the same by sending dm's to others criticising the main group. She's trying to cause a rift between you and establish herself as leader of the group. Be very careful because she is dangerous, there's a reason why these people are loners......

If she does turn up to the restaurant, make sure that you all discreetly pay your own bills when you go to the loo. This way you're not lumbered with paying for her 500 dishes.......

This advice is solid gold!

I must admit I was irritated with suggestions what to say on the later pages.

I'd reply. You don't want to taste my cooking 🤣. Shall we say 7 at the Chinese? It would be lovely if you could come, but don't worry if you can't we could always arrange to
Meet for a coffee one afternoon/evening. It is cheeky to try and change the plans but she maybe extremely short of cash £15 might not a lot, it might to her. she sounds like she wants to be involved and could be trying to meet new friends but just can't afford a meal out.

Will you be running on Saturday morning OP? Or is it cancelled due to it being the Easter w/e and lots of people will have other plans?

I'll be running @CoraPirbright but probably not as the 'group'. We tend to cancel the group time if there are fewer than 4 of us and just go when we like. To some of us, Easter Sunday is just a normal Sunday as we don't celebrate Easter.

Ah well good luck if it does go ahead and the CF turns up!

You've done well not to engage with her Op, she probably wants you to fight back so she can enjoy the drama. People like this just want the attention, if you'd changed everything for her she'd either not turn up or dominate the whole evening. Enjoy your Chinese and pretend this never happened, if you end up spending the evening discussing her then she's kind of won

The CF will probably expect OP to pay if she sad that

I thought of a better answer. I'd quote her and say 'so that's a no then'.

Tell her to jog on.

I actually kind of had this happen with a friend the other week. But she didn't say I must do it, just that I should. I said I'd buy her lunch when we all go out for a meal instead, as she did do me a great favour with something, but it wouldn't be practical for me to host/cook.

Please let us know if anything interesting happens!