Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
mumindoghouse · 05/04/2023 21:20

My 20 year old DS teaches their hobby to groups of students of that age. He would be perfectly capable of looking after a group that age and he cooks really healthy meals. My 23 DS doesn’t do the teaching but equally capable and mature enough to rise to such an occasion.
So to my mind the stand in DSD is a good solution, but the reasonableness depends on the severity of the emergency in light of the anxiety of the girl’s parents who are nonetheless themselves being unreasonable in trying to my mind blackmail OP into doing what they want.
When my boys were younger, I’d not blink about fetching them however far from a situation I didn’t like.

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:22

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:15

Clearly a lie.....

Ok then!

Show quote history

It does sound extreme and the mothers are at home for easter bored looking after their offspring. It does sound unbelievable and what most reasonable people wouldn't do unless your problematic.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:22

Ninjanana · 05/04/2023 21:16

Can’t one of the other parents come and take over from you. That’s what I’d offer.

If only.......

If only you'd read both of OPs posts...

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:22

mumindoghouse · 05/04/2023 21:20

My 20 year old DS teaches their hobby to groups of students of that age. He would be perfectly capable of looking after a group that age and he cooks really healthy meals. My 23 DS doesn’t do the teaching but equally capable and mature enough to rise to such an occasion.
So to my mind the stand in DSD is a good solution, but the reasonableness depends on the severity of the emergency in light of the anxiety of the girl’s parents who are nonetheless themselves being unreasonable in trying to my mind blackmail OP into doing what they want.
When my boys were younger, I’d not blink about fetching them however far from a situation I didn’t like.

Exactly!

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 21:25

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:09

This!!
You want to go and help else where it's an emergency. You took them kids away and now you decide that you want to do something else. Get your priorities straight. Of course some of the other parents are fine with it they don't set boundaries with their children. You come across a family who love and care for their child's wellbeing and all you think about is yourself. You took their child return him or her and act like the responsible adult you pretended to be.

Show quote history

@Humanbiology care so much that they didn’t have a contingency plan to get to their child in an emergency?

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:26

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 21:25

@Humanbiology care so much that they didn’t have a contingency plan to get to their child in an emergency?

Show quote history

Are you blaming them in this made up Easter story.

HauntedPencil · 05/04/2023 21:34

In a theoretical scenario if I was concerned enough about my children I'd consider ringing the police, then absofuckinglutely I'm going to pick them up.

In a theoretical holiday scenario if someone took my kid on a holiday, I would feel I was on "stand by" to collect them if they weren't happy, weren't enjoying it or some other scenario.

I'm not head snaking and threatening to ring the po po why can't people be normal

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 21:36

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:26

Are you blaming them in this made up Easter story.

Show quote history

@Humanbiology I don’t think anyone comes out of this saga particularly well but ultimately the parents should have had a plan to get their kid in an emergency.

The op shouldn’t have had the plan to go in the first place (bound to go wrong with one adult and a load of kids that distance away) and the parents shouldn’t have agreed to let their kid go unless they knew they could get her in an emergency.

I don’t think they stand out as caring parents in this story- instead of having an appropriate plan and getting their kid they hung about making pointless idol threats.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 05/04/2023 21:36

I think you are out of order for taking a group of kids away and then leaving them with someone else whom the other parents and kids don't know.

My DD is 11 and I would be annoyed but wouldn't kick up a fuss and I would let her stay if she wanted to. The 23yo DSD is probably perfectly capable but she is not the person I left in loco parentis and i do not know anything about her. I probably wouldn't trust you to follow through on anything like this again though and would assume this flaky behaviour was likely to be repeated.

The over the top reaction of the other parent could be due to any number of factors. Previous negative experiences of either the parent or child can lead to being over protective or assuming the worst. I wouldn't judge her for wanting her DD back in her care after your change of plan and I'm not surprised she's annoyed at the 4 hour round trip to achieve this. Her threats of calling the police are, of course, over the top in this situation but I don't blame her for being pissed off.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:36

@Humanbiology made up Easter story... I know it's Holy Week but it's not really starting until tomorrow with Maundy Thursday?

What made you be so controversial about religion over Easter?

So totally unjustified

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:41

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:36

@Humanbiology made up Easter story... I know it's Holy Week but it's not really starting until tomorrow with Maundy Thursday?

What made you be so controversial about religion over Easter?

So totally unjustified

I am an atheist so I don't really care.

Fluffmum · 05/04/2023 21:42

Those kids are your responsibility. Take them home

Ninjanana · 05/04/2023 21:44

I did.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:44

Fluffmum · 05/04/2023 21:42

Those kids are your responsibility. Take them home

That shipped sailed a long time ago 🙄

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:44

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 21:36

@Humanbiology I don’t think anyone comes out of this saga particularly well but ultimately the parents should have had a plan to get their kid in an emergency.

The op shouldn’t have had the plan to go in the first place (bound to go wrong with one adult and a load of kids that distance away) and the parents shouldn’t have agreed to let their kid go unless they knew they could get her in an emergency.

I don’t think they stand out as caring parents in this story- instead of having an appropriate plan and getting their kid they hung about making pointless idol threats.

Show quote history

I call BS on the whole story and the op is laughing at these comments. 26 pages and only 2 posts she knew people will be fighting over this and she has entertained herself.

The whole post sounds unreasonable and unbelievable.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:45

@Humanbiology so why did you flaring up Easter? If you're an atheist?

Weird!

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:46

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:45

@Humanbiology so why did you flaring up Easter? If you're an atheist?

Weird!

Are you bored so I am shall we post shit to eachother.

LaDamaDeElche · 05/04/2023 21:48

What's the emergency?

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 05/04/2023 21:50

Apparently it's a medical emergency that no one else can help with so I think OP must be a doctor trained in a highly specialised form of keyhole brain surgery.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:50

LaDamaDeElche · 05/04/2023 21:48

What's the emergency?

It's in the second of the OP posts!

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yes what you said let's post shit to eachother.

Aturnipforthebooks · 05/04/2023 21:52

LaDamaDeElche · 05/04/2023 21:48

What's the emergency?

Urgent bridge repairs, I'd guess.

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 21:55

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:44

I call BS on the whole story and the op is laughing at these comments. 26 pages and only 2 posts she knew people will be fighting over this and she has entertained herself.

The whole post sounds unreasonable and unbelievable.

Show quote history

@Humanbiology I was less interested in if the op was real and more interested in how many people were comfortable sending their kids 4 hours away with no way of reaching them 🤷‍♀️ like the world isn’t full of weird situations and other people will always just ‘do the right thing’ and take responsibility for their kids.

Meowandthen · 05/04/2023 21:57

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:55

Yeah I’m thinking the word ‘emergency’ is misleading when she doesn’t even need to leave until tomorrow…… can’t be that urgent!

Show quote history

Plus has the time to post here and wait for answers.