Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

[Salemtrust]

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

LaDamaDeElche
What's the emergency?

It's in the second of the OP posts!

I scrolled until my thumb hurt after just joining the thread and then gave up and flipped the thread. I'm on the app, so can't just look at the OP's posts. Was it a genuine emergency?

I think you've been completely unreasonable OP and should be ashamed of yourself. Even the thread title is in no way representative of what has happened here. Yes, you did do something wrong. If the emergency was so pressing then the trip should have been cut short. I would side with the parent you refer to in this instance and they were right to cut the trip short. Not as far as threatening to call the police (but I fully expect this was in relation to your evident nonchalance and complete lack of respect for safeguarding) but to not agree to having some randomers take 'care' of children entrusted to YOU. If you were not in a position to absolutely fulfill the agreed terms then you should have personally brought the child home or terminated the trip.

Is it because I am dyslexic why you can't interact with me. What a shame 😪

I see your point if there was an emergency the parents should travel to pick up their child rather than leave it to the op if it wasn't a possibility. If it was me I would pick up my child in a heart beat but I wouldn't leave my child with them again.

you can filter on the app @LaDamaDeElche - just swipe left and choose filter.

Yep, I would be the same.

EmotionalSupport Thank you! I didn't know that. I can't believe I've been scrolling and scrolling like a luddite for years 🤦🏽‍♀️

CM1897, I have a young man available who is a total stranger to you.

Please don't abandon your egalitarian principles now: if you refuse to let him randomly assume overnight care of your 10-12 year old daughter, you're nothing but a massive sexist.

Equally capable doesn't equate to equally culpable.

97% of violent crime is committed by males.

I think yabu, if the parents aren’t happy you need to bring her home. The parents are also bu by saying it’s kidnap, but understand why they may not be happy with your daughter and bf looking after the children.

😂😂😂
That would be outrageous Human, when the clear culprit is the allegedly kidnapped child, who lacks the chutzpah to undertake a journey that would take 4 hours by car via an unknown safe public transport route.

Kids today simply can't recognise legitimate emergencies.
You know - like this all-too-common emergency that solely OP can respond to, that is so intensely emergency-laden that her 23 year old childcare substitute is not competent to handle it, & so urgent that it can wait to be attended to next day.

I'll let you into a secret Merlot.

Non-believers know about Easter.

Scandalous, innit?

Bingo!

When OP returns from saving the day, she can nip round to the Kidnap Bleaters, perform an effective but very small wound-evidence-leaving procedure, excising their police-&-lawyer-summoning neurons & this relieving herself of any further legal threat.

This!!
you took a duty of care for these kids! You’re now dismissing that and passing onto your daughter .. but also her 23 year old boyfriend? That really isn’t ok! I’d be raging too! Why take them 4 hours drive away! They are 10-12 year olds??? That’s not ok! I would be ripping into you 😡

they are sending someone else to collect their daughter

Reckon they have gone off on holiday thinking their daughter was occupied for a few days and are now panicing. Can't think of many other reasons why I or dh wouldn't ourselves at some point in a 12hr window go and collect my dc if I wasn't happy with them staying somewhere, or vounteer to take over from OP and stay there too.

Huge responsibility taking so many kids away, huge respect for you doing this, hopefully now realise it's more trouble than it's worth?

Yanbu, you've let parents know your emergency and when will be taking on the role. If some aren't happy they can collect dc. If an organisation was taking on this trip they would do the same, assuming it isn't and just you being amazing, well life! X

There are clearly many many replies to this already. I have not read through all 23 pages and I'm sure the issue has been resolved. But, from my point of view you took on responsibility for all of those children, and a 4 hour drive is not something they should expect. If you're responsible for multiple other people's children, at the ages you said, then I'm sorry, your family emergency can be handled by others, or you can return the children whose parents aren't happy with the change of custody. It isn't a police matter though, everyone threatens police far too quickly for things that aren't police matters, then complain the police don't do enough about actual crime.

I'd gather mine up, spent to long checking DBS certs for this to happen.

I had to look that up, I remember that as a CRB check, I had no idea what DBS meant, but yeah the recent equivalent. Renaming things every 10 years or so does not help people though. I swear most things get renamed and then referred to by initials on average every decade. DLA, no that's PIP. IS? Nope that's ESA, but only if you're in the support group, otherwise it's ESA but more akin to JSA, which may still be JSA. And of course UC if you're unlucky enough to have been put on that.

Everyone's a paedo until proven otherwise in the current culture aren't they?

All men are rapists or violent.

All people with disabilities are faking it etc etc

You don't say why you can't bring their daughter back or why your emergency is, so it's hard to see why you personally need to run off and can't substitute you to deal with the emergency.

The children are under your care, so you need to care for them. The parents who are anal about accepting your switch are probably worrying about the BF - what safe guards do you have in place to address the perceived risks?

I do not think you are being unreasonable, but I do think you haven't had a proper conversation with them nor considered what you'd do if anyone said no. So address their concerns and all will be well.

You def have not kidnapped the parents are being ridiculous and that's what the police will tell them.

The initial question was asked at 7pm a day and 6 hours ago, so whatever they did has been done. But they absolutely were being unreasonable. No one agreed to their kids being taken care of by anyone else, it's irrelevant whether she trusts them, the parents entrusted the children to her, no one else. Given the ages, most people wouldn't consider it reasonable to say you'll pay for them to get a train home on their own (personally I think at 10 you should be able to but then again not every 10 year old and of course if they haven't been brought up in an area where they often have to get around by themselves that might be different, and it varies anyway). But a 4 hour car drive is not a short journey. So yes, she was unseasonable. It doesn't matter what the family emergency was.

How can you be OK with putting a child on public transport alone for 4 hours!
Those parents calling it kidnap is stupid, but I'm with them on this.. you took their child away, they are your responsibility - not your daughters. I'd be fuming if you left my kid like that. They're worried about that safety of their child.

Absolutely. If I had been entrusted with a group of people's kids who were friends with my children and taken them 200 miles away (unless the 4 hours was round trip in which case 100 miles), I wouldn't leave for my own mother dying, and if my mother expected me to knowing the responsibility I had I wouldn't respect her. I just can't see any family emergency that could exist in the modern era where you can ring anyone anywhere, even with video, that could justify abandoning a group of children entrusted to your care. So yes. Utterly unreasonable.

If there is a medical emergency you need to call an ambulance right away. It doesn't sound like a medical emergency if you can wait till the next day. Also, I doubt that you are the only person on the planet who can deal with this? Not a hospital?

It's a bit hard to be on your side eith this information.

Wow OP you are being beyond unreasonable . What a shocking way to behave when you have taken responsibility for other peoples children!
Of course you can’t just hand a group of 10-12 year old girls into the care of a young stranger and her boyfriend , without prior agreement. And of course suggesting a child of that age navigate public transport over that distance - presumably a trip she’s not familiar taking - on her own is no sort of reasonable alternative or solution. I would be FURIOUS! Your behaviour is grotesquely selfish and irresponsible and reckless with the welfare of children you agreed to care for.

Of course they can’t call the police as you’ve committed no crime, but I don’t blame them at all for their reaction. I’d want nothing to do with you going forward.